1 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:17,111 Fuck Wolverine. 2 00:02:17,155 --> 00:02:19,853 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 3 00:02:19,897 --> 00:02:24,292 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 4 00:02:24,336 --> 00:02:26,512 What a dick. 5 00:02:26,555 --> 00:02:28,775 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 6 00:02:28,819 --> 00:02:31,647 I'm dying in this one, too. 7 00:02:34,389 --> 00:02:36,783 To understand why I took a cat-nap 8 00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:38,916 on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 9 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,308 I need to take you back 10 00:02:40,352 --> 00:02:42,789 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 11 00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:44,182 I'd gone international, 12 00:02:44,225 --> 00:02:46,140 taking out mass murderers, gangsters, 13 00:02:46,184 --> 00:02:47,881 unspeakable monsters. 14 00:02:47,925 --> 00:02:50,884 People nobody would touch. Except me. 15 00:02:50,928 --> 00:02:52,886 I'm gonna touch them all over. 16 00:02:56,542 --> 00:02:58,457 Hey, it's Gail calling. 17 00:02:58,500 --> 00:02:59,632 Love the shiny suit. 18 00:02:59,675 --> 00:03:01,416 Really brings out 19 00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:03,540 the sex trafficker in your eyes. 20 00:03:04,593 --> 00:03:08,684 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 21 00:03:08,728 --> 00:03:10,861 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. 22 00:03:10,904 --> 00:03:13,385 But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so... 23 00:03:15,735 --> 00:03:18,564 Which literally translates to... 24 00:03:18,607 --> 00:03:21,654 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 25 00:03:31,403 --> 00:03:34,145 Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's. 26 00:03:34,188 --> 00:03:35,450 I am so sorry. 27 00:03:35,494 --> 00:03:37,174 I thought this was an anal-bleaching party. 28 00:03:59,692 --> 00:04:01,563 Don't worry. You're not going to die. 29 00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,696 Although these will kill you. 30 00:04:03,739 --> 00:04:04,958 Hit it, Dolly. 31 00:04:25,239 --> 00:04:26,632 I'm merely a vessel for the Lord. 32 00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:40,472 Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 33 00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:50,525 Whoo! Do not go in there! 34 00:04:57,228 --> 00:04:59,317 Let's see Captain America do that. 35 00:05:08,282 --> 00:05:09,805 Too exotic? 36 00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,934 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 37 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,503 Cut. I've got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 38 00:06:38,546 --> 00:06:40,548 Oh, that's so gross. 39 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,856 Fuck. 40 00:06:43,899 --> 00:06:45,790 Looks like you left a little landing strip there. 41 00:06:45,814 --> 00:06:46,859 I like it. 42 00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,605 Oh, man! 43 00:06:57,957 --> 00:06:59,915 My world tour brought me home 44 00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:02,396 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 45 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,963 But we'll get to him in a moment. 46 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,443 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 47 00:07:05,486 --> 00:07:08,228 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 48 00:07:08,272 --> 00:07:09,969 But that's where you'd be wrong. 49 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:12,754 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 50 00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:17,107 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 51 00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:18,934 True story. 52 00:07:18,978 --> 00:07:22,155 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 53 00:07:22,199 --> 00:07:25,289 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 54 00:07:25,332 --> 00:07:28,640 Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 55 00:07:28,683 --> 00:07:31,599 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 56 00:07:31,643 --> 00:07:35,037 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 57 00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:36,300 But this guy? 58 00:07:36,343 --> 00:07:38,302 He was one of the worst of 'em. 59 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,523 Hurry up and open this fucking door, 60 00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:43,847 and let's kill this motherfucker! 61 00:07:50,792 --> 00:07:52,838 Ugh. So gross. 62 00:07:52,881 --> 00:07:55,710 A panic room? Really? 63 00:07:55,754 --> 00:07:57,973 Can you come out? 64 00:07:58,017 --> 00:08:01,107 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 65 00:08:07,026 --> 00:08:08,438 Over and over, I hear people say, 66 00:08:08,462 --> 00:08:10,029 "I just don't have enough confidence." 67 00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:12,162 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 68 00:08:12,205 --> 00:08:13,641 It's something you create. 69 00:08:13,685 --> 00:08:15,600 And you can create it at any moment in time. 70 00:08:15,643 --> 00:08:17,341 A sense of confidence is nothing 71 00:08:17,384 --> 00:08:19,125 but a sense of power within yourself... 72 00:08:19,169 --> 00:08:20,711 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 73 00:08:20,735 --> 00:08:22,824 Start the fucking car! 74 00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:23,999 Dopinder! 75 00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:25,566 Start the fucking car! 76 00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,747 Shoot that motherfucker! Shoot him! 77 00:08:32,791 --> 00:08:34,314 Whoo! Oh, I shit my pants. 78 00:08:34,358 --> 00:08:36,751 Actually, that may have been me. 79 00:08:36,795 --> 00:08:38,057 Oh, mission accomplished? 80 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,233 Oh, in a George W. sort of way. 81 00:08:40,277 --> 00:08:41,974 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 82 00:08:42,017 --> 00:08:43,473 Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 83 00:08:43,497 --> 00:08:45,673 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 84 00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:47,022 and who'da thought? 85 00:08:47,066 --> 00:08:49,503 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 86 00:08:49,547 --> 00:08:51,418 Passion of the Christ, then me. 87 00:08:51,462 --> 00:08:52,724 At least domestically. 88 00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:53,986 We beat them overseas, 89 00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:56,031 where there's no such thing as religion. 90 00:08:56,075 --> 00:08:58,251 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 91 00:08:58,295 --> 00:09:00,688 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 92 00:09:00,732 --> 00:09:02,516 I want to fill my... Pockets? 93 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,780 What's your poison? A little, uh, cokey cokey? 94 00:09:05,824 --> 00:09:07,173 Can't maintain an erection 95 00:09:07,217 --> 00:09:08,759 without buying shoes online? 96 00:09:08,783 --> 00:09:10,742 I've never experienced that last one. 97 00:09:10,785 --> 00:09:12,178 Talk to me, Goose. 98 00:09:12,222 --> 00:09:14,920 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 99 00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:18,053 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 100 00:09:18,097 --> 00:09:20,055 Dopinder... Hmm? 101 00:09:20,099 --> 00:09:21,927 You never cease to surprise me. 102 00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:26,061 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 103 00:09:26,105 --> 00:09:27,759 We all need a sense of belonging. 104 00:09:27,802 --> 00:09:29,587 We all need a genuine sense of home. 105 00:09:29,630 --> 00:09:30,762 A place in this world. 106 00:09:30,805 --> 00:09:32,165 I want to become a contract killer. 107 00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:34,026 I'm sorry. What did you say? 108 00:09:34,069 --> 00:09:36,028 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 109 00:09:36,071 --> 00:09:37,397 and threatened him with great violence? 110 00:09:37,421 --> 00:09:39,031 You kind of killed him. 111 00:09:39,074 --> 00:09:40,661 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 112 00:09:40,685 --> 00:09:41,860 Don't want to. 113 00:09:41,903 --> 00:09:42,991 When Tom Cruise fed 114 00:09:43,035 --> 00:09:44,863 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 115 00:09:44,906 --> 00:09:46,125 for the first time... 116 00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,562 and she looked up at his smooth, 117 00:09:48,606 --> 00:09:50,825 handsome face and said... 118 00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,393 "I want some more." 119 00:09:53,437 --> 00:09:57,092 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 120 00:09:58,137 --> 00:10:00,835 I'll never not picture that. 121 00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:02,663 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 122 00:10:02,707 --> 00:10:04,752 as soon as possible. 123 00:10:04,796 --> 00:10:07,277 We're here. 124 00:10:14,066 --> 00:10:16,068 Dopinder, it's me again. 125 00:10:16,111 --> 00:10:17,809 Look, a saner man might discourage you 126 00:10:17,852 --> 00:10:19,724 from joining the deadly merc business... 127 00:10:19,767 --> 00:10:21,247 what, with your concave chest 128 00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:22,944 and your paper towel tube arms. 129 00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:24,685 But you're an eagle... 130 00:10:24,729 --> 00:10:26,731 and goddamn it, an eagle's gotta soar. 131 00:10:26,774 --> 00:10:28,167 You gotta grab those dreams, 132 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,821 grab those dreams by the dick tip... 133 00:10:29,864 --> 00:10:31,388 and make it rain! 134 00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,346 I don't know what that means. 135 00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:35,348 Me neither. 136 00:10:35,957 --> 00:10:37,437 I'm gonna see you... 137 00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:40,092 at the office. 138 00:10:40,658 --> 00:10:41,789 In the sky. 139 00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:42,964 You're my Tom Cruise! 140 00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:44,618 And you're my Kristen Dunst! 141 00:10:44,662 --> 00:10:46,141 Kristen? Kirsten? 142 00:10:51,190 --> 00:10:52,800 Sorry I'm late. 143 00:10:52,844 --> 00:10:54,411 There was a bunch of 144 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,543 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 145 00:10:56,587 --> 00:10:58,110 and I had to, uh... Uh-uh. 146 00:10:58,153 --> 00:11:00,895 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 147 00:11:00,939 --> 00:11:03,289 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 148 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,639 No.You got me. 149 00:11:05,683 --> 00:11:07,467 I was rounding up all the gluten in the world 150 00:11:07,511 --> 00:11:08,729 and launching it into space... 151 00:11:08,773 --> 00:11:10,905 where it can't not hurt us ever again. 152 00:11:10,949 --> 00:11:12,124 Try again. 153 00:11:12,690 --> 00:11:14,256 Diarrhea? 154 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,060 We can't be sure until I get this suit off... 155 00:11:16,998 --> 00:11:18,957 but, uh, all signs point to yes. 156 00:11:20,872 --> 00:11:21,873 Traffic? 157 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,527 Hmm? 158 00:11:24,745 --> 00:11:26,399 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 159 00:11:26,443 --> 00:11:27,443 Well, come here. 160 00:11:39,151 --> 00:11:41,588 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 161 00:11:41,632 --> 00:11:42,807 Don't you want your surprise? 162 00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:44,678 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 163 00:11:45,462 --> 00:11:46,724 I got one for you, too. 164 00:11:47,855 --> 00:11:49,379 Happy anniversary, baby. 165 00:11:49,422 --> 00:11:50,989 Open, open, open. 166 00:11:52,991 --> 00:11:54,732 Skee-Ball token. 167 00:11:54,775 --> 00:11:56,168 Our first date. 168 00:11:56,211 --> 00:11:57,778 Yup. 169 00:11:57,822 --> 00:12:00,477 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 170 00:12:03,393 --> 00:12:05,699 I'll keep it forever. 171 00:12:05,743 --> 00:12:07,179 Thank you, baby. 172 00:12:08,789 --> 00:12:10,487 Open yours. All right, all right. 173 00:12:11,401 --> 00:12:12,706 Oh... 174 00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:15,990 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 175 00:12:16,014 --> 00:12:17,407 I don't know what this is. 176 00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:19,278 My IUD. 177 00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:20,497 A bomb? 178 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,630 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 179 00:12:23,674 --> 00:12:24,762 What, you mean that your... 180 00:12:24,805 --> 00:12:26,546 Baby factory's open for business. 181 00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:27,895 Oh, my God! 182 00:12:27,939 --> 00:12:31,203 Oh, my God! I want a boy! 183 00:12:31,246 --> 00:12:34,336 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 184 00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:37,165 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 185 00:12:37,731 --> 00:12:40,995 Like Cher or Todd. 186 00:12:41,039 --> 00:12:42,823 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 187 00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:44,216 Yes, I do. 188 00:12:44,259 --> 00:12:45,759 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 189 00:12:45,783 --> 00:12:46,784 Let's do that. 190 00:12:48,002 --> 00:12:50,135 ♪ Papa... ♪ 191 00:12:50,178 --> 00:12:52,354 ♪ Can you hear me? ♪ 192 00:12:53,791 --> 00:12:56,446 ♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪ 193 00:12:56,489 --> 00:12:58,709 Does this song sound familiar to you? 194 00:13:01,015 --> 00:13:03,191 May. 195 00:13:03,235 --> 00:13:06,934 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 196 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,026 So weird. 197 00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:14,464 Family was always an F-word to me. 198 00:13:15,987 --> 00:13:20,339 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 199 00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,602 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 200 00:13:22,646 --> 00:13:24,386 to draw off of for Todd. 201 00:13:25,562 --> 00:13:28,173 Hey. Look at me. 202 00:13:29,348 --> 00:13:31,481 You are not your father. 203 00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:34,658 Besides... 204 00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:39,445 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 205 00:13:40,446 --> 00:13:41,491 But here's the thing, 206 00:13:41,534 --> 00:13:43,362 isn't that how it always works? 207 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,929 Like in Star Wars, 208 00:13:44,972 --> 00:13:47,671 men are destined to become their father... 209 00:13:47,714 --> 00:13:50,804 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 210 00:13:50,848 --> 00:13:54,155 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 211 00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:56,462 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 212 00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:58,551 Baby, that's Empire. 213 00:13:58,595 --> 00:14:01,206 The point is, kids... 214 00:14:02,686 --> 00:14:05,340 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 215 00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:08,822 Better than we used to be. 216 00:14:08,866 --> 00:14:11,390 You're a lot smarter than I look. 217 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,088 I'm gonna go make dessert. 218 00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:18,571 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 219 00:14:18,615 --> 00:14:22,009 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 220 00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:25,578 What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 221 00:14:25,622 --> 00:14:27,580 It's too stripper-y. 222 00:14:27,624 --> 00:14:29,147 Kevin with a "K"! 223 00:14:29,190 --> 00:14:31,279 No, too stripper-y, too. 224 00:14:31,845 --> 00:14:33,760 Uh, Earl! 225 00:14:33,804 --> 00:14:36,154 He's gonna go straight to jail 226 00:14:36,197 --> 00:14:38,417 if we name him Earl. 227 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,332 What about Bruce? 228 00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:42,769 No. 229 00:14:42,813 --> 00:14:43,857 Get down. 230 00:14:43,901 --> 00:14:45,293 What? 231 00:15:14,192 --> 00:15:16,281 Baby? Baby? 232 00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:21,242 I'm okay. 233 00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:23,941 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 234 00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,803 Please. 235 00:16:04,895 --> 00:16:06,723 Please. Please. 236 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:09,943 Baby, I'm so sorry. 237 00:16:09,987 --> 00:16:13,773 No! 238 00:19:18,305 --> 00:19:21,004 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 239 00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,745 Is it just me, or does 240 00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:25,375 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 241 00:19:25,399 --> 00:19:26,705 sound suspiciously like 242 00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,707 Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl? 243 00:19:30,056 --> 00:19:32,189 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 244 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,584 And nobody fucking realizes it. 245 00:19:36,628 --> 00:19:38,195 Wade, you gotta go home. 246 00:19:38,238 --> 00:19:40,980 You've been sitting here for three days, okay? 247 00:19:41,024 --> 00:19:44,723 You smell like sauerkraut left in the warm rain. 248 00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:47,073 Like wet garbage in hot urine. 249 00:19:47,117 --> 00:19:49,293 You smell like a dog ate kitty litter... 250 00:19:49,336 --> 00:19:51,382 and then farted his way out of the living room. 251 00:19:51,425 --> 00:19:53,253 I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's 252 00:19:53,297 --> 00:19:55,125 couch cushions after Shark Week. 253 00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:56,909 I love Frozen. 254 00:19:56,953 --> 00:20:00,521 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 255 00:20:00,565 --> 00:20:02,088 An ocean is water. 256 00:20:02,132 --> 00:20:06,876 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 257 00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:08,051 George Michael was right. 258 00:20:08,094 --> 00:20:09,922 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 259 00:20:10,531 --> 00:20:11,532 He's dead, too. 260 00:20:12,707 --> 00:20:14,057 At least we still have Bowie. 261 00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,841 Oh, Mr. Pool. David Bowie is... 262 00:20:15,885 --> 00:20:17,147 Uh, uh, uh... 263 00:20:17,190 --> 00:20:18,365 still with us. 264 00:20:18,409 --> 00:20:21,281 We do. We'll always have Bowie. 265 00:20:21,891 --> 00:20:22,935 I'm sorry. 266 00:20:22,979 --> 00:20:24,415 Shot after shot, 267 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:26,306 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 268 00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:27,960 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 269 00:20:27,984 --> 00:20:30,900 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 270 00:20:30,943 --> 00:20:32,510 Is he pissing? I'm on it! 271 00:20:32,553 --> 00:20:34,033 There you go, Dopinder. 272 00:20:34,077 --> 00:20:36,122 If you want to be a contract killer... 273 00:20:36,166 --> 00:20:38,733 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 274 00:20:38,777 --> 00:20:39,841 Although I don't quite understand 275 00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:41,432 how they are at all similar. 276 00:20:41,475 --> 00:20:43,584 'Cause I could shove either one up your ass and kill you. 277 00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:44,739 Now, leave me. 278 00:20:44,783 --> 00:20:45,784 I get it. 279 00:20:46,306 --> 00:20:47,917 Go home, Wade. 280 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,310 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 281 00:20:51,746 --> 00:20:53,139 Okay, I'm fine. 282 00:20:53,183 --> 00:20:54,314 I'm fine. 283 00:20:54,358 --> 00:20:56,186 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 284 00:20:56,229 --> 00:20:59,972 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 285 00:21:00,016 --> 00:21:01,234 According to the... 286 00:21:02,583 --> 00:21:04,020 Kubler-Ross.Yeah. 287 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,935 According to the Kubler-Ross model... 288 00:21:05,978 --> 00:21:08,763 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 289 00:21:08,807 --> 00:21:11,157 Jesus Christ, Buck! 290 00:21:11,201 --> 00:21:13,116 No more speaking lines for you. 291 00:21:21,776 --> 00:21:24,127 Hey, bud. Bud. 292 00:21:24,170 --> 00:21:26,259 - Huh? - Got a match? 293 00:21:26,303 --> 00:21:27,826 Match? 294 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,349 Yes, I have one right here. 295 00:21:29,393 --> 00:21:30,761 Don't make a move. This is a stick-up. 296 00:21:30,785 --> 00:21:32,526 - What? - You heard me. 297 00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:34,615 Mister, Mister, put down that gun. 298 00:21:34,659 --> 00:21:37,270 Shut up. Now, come on. Your money or your life? 299 00:21:45,452 --> 00:21:49,195 Look, bud. I said, "Your money or your life." 300 00:21:49,239 --> 00:21:50,544 "I'm thinking it over!" 301 00:21:50,588 --> 00:21:51,981 Motherfuck! 302 00:21:52,024 --> 00:21:53,069 Fuck! 303 00:21:56,072 --> 00:21:57,551 The hell you doin' here? 304 00:21:57,595 --> 00:21:59,684 Don't you know how to knock? 305 00:21:59,727 --> 00:22:01,642 I thought you saw me... 306 00:22:01,686 --> 00:22:03,209 with your ears. 307 00:22:03,253 --> 00:22:04,317 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 308 00:22:04,341 --> 00:22:05,385 The wall? 309 00:22:05,429 --> 00:22:08,823 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 310 00:22:11,609 --> 00:22:13,219 I heard the news, sweetie. 311 00:22:13,263 --> 00:22:15,352 I'm very sorry. I am. 312 00:22:15,395 --> 00:22:17,310 What am I gonna do, Al? 313 00:22:17,354 --> 00:22:19,051 Probably something terrible. 314 00:22:20,226 --> 00:22:21,619 Knowing you. 315 00:22:21,662 --> 00:22:23,186 It was my fault. 316 00:22:24,404 --> 00:22:27,103 I fucking did this. 317 00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:29,018 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 318 00:22:29,061 --> 00:22:31,020 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 319 00:22:33,022 --> 00:22:34,675 She's gone. 320 00:22:34,719 --> 00:22:38,505 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 321 00:22:38,549 --> 00:22:39,811 It's a little hard to hear you 322 00:22:39,854 --> 00:22:41,552 with that pity dick in your mouth. 323 00:22:41,595 --> 00:22:44,642 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 324 00:22:44,685 --> 00:22:45,991 Thank you... 325 00:22:46,035 --> 00:22:49,038 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 326 00:22:49,081 --> 00:22:51,127 Listen to the pain. 327 00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,955 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 328 00:22:53,999 --> 00:22:57,611 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 329 00:22:57,655 --> 00:23:01,528 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 330 00:23:01,572 --> 00:23:04,270 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 331 00:23:06,794 --> 00:23:08,013 Wade? 332 00:23:10,450 --> 00:23:12,626 Wade? I'm right here, Althea. 333 00:23:12,670 --> 00:23:15,281 And that is the most beautiful thing 334 00:23:15,325 --> 00:23:16,543 I've ever heard. 335 00:23:17,283 --> 00:23:18,850 And you're absolutely right. 336 00:23:22,723 --> 00:23:25,074 I'm about to do something terrible. 337 00:23:31,123 --> 00:23:32,385 Precious, aren't they? 338 00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:34,648 Whoa! 339 00:23:34,692 --> 00:23:36,128 Are you a superhero? 340 00:23:36,172 --> 00:23:37,869 Fucking A, sweetie. 341 00:23:37,912 --> 00:23:39,479 What's your name? 342 00:23:39,523 --> 00:23:41,307 Captain Delicious Pants. 343 00:23:41,351 --> 00:23:43,527 Who's Captain Delicious Pants? 344 00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:10,902 I can't believe he's still alive. 345 00:24:10,945 --> 00:24:13,426 I can't believe you left the house in that shirt. 346 00:24:14,906 --> 00:24:16,864 There's gotta be some way to die. 347 00:24:16,908 --> 00:24:18,953 I just need to die harder. 348 00:24:18,997 --> 00:24:20,216 Trademark Fox. 349 00:24:20,259 --> 00:24:21,260 Y'all caught up now? 350 00:24:34,534 --> 00:24:36,188 Open for business. 351 00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:42,194 Your crazy matches my crazy. 352 00:24:42,238 --> 00:24:44,390 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 353 00:24:44,414 --> 00:24:45,676 Skee-Ball token. 354 00:24:45,719 --> 00:24:46,999 You're a lot smarter than I look. 355 00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:54,182 About why we're so good together. 356 00:24:54,206 --> 00:24:55,401 I love you, Wade Wilson. 357 00:24:58,036 --> 00:24:59,429 Ness? 358 00:25:00,908 --> 00:25:02,040 Ness? 359 00:25:02,867 --> 00:25:04,434 Ness. 360 00:25:04,477 --> 00:25:07,176 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 361 00:25:08,873 --> 00:25:11,397 Your heart's not in the right place. 362 00:25:11,441 --> 00:25:14,095 Wait, hold on. What? 363 00:25:14,139 --> 00:25:16,228 Your heart's not in the right place. 364 00:25:16,272 --> 00:25:17,664 Wait. What do you mean 365 00:25:17,708 --> 00:25:19,668 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 366 00:25:38,903 --> 00:25:41,427 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 367 00:25:41,906 --> 00:25:43,037 You're broken. 368 00:25:43,081 --> 00:25:46,040 Oh, God. I know that voice. 369 00:26:07,105 --> 00:26:08,541 Well, Russell. 370 00:26:08,585 --> 00:26:11,240 I hear you're handy at picking locks. 371 00:26:12,632 --> 00:26:14,852 There will be no need for that here. 372 00:26:14,895 --> 00:26:18,203 There's no locks on our doors, no bars on our windows. 373 00:26:19,552 --> 00:26:21,598 I know what you're thinking. 374 00:26:21,641 --> 00:26:24,296 Why don't the kids just run? 375 00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:27,299 Who would choose to stay in such a place? 376 00:26:27,343 --> 00:26:29,823 You stay because... 377 00:26:29,867 --> 00:26:34,611 deep down inside, you know you're unfit to leave. 378 00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,007 Don't worry. 379 00:26:41,182 --> 00:26:42,836 We can fix that. 380 00:26:47,667 --> 00:26:51,410 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. 381 00:27:13,389 --> 00:27:15,086 "Heart's in the right place." 382 00:27:15,129 --> 00:27:16,585 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 383 00:27:16,609 --> 00:27:18,524 Take your mask off, Wade. 384 00:27:18,568 --> 00:27:20,265 I wish you'd said "pants". 385 00:27:20,309 --> 00:27:21,527 Let's play a game. 386 00:27:21,571 --> 00:27:24,095 It's called "Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?". 387 00:27:24,138 --> 00:27:26,489 Now, close your eyes and open your mouth. 388 00:27:26,532 --> 00:27:28,360 You don't need to be funny here. 389 00:27:28,969 --> 00:27:30,231 We must talk. 390 00:27:30,275 --> 00:27:32,756 You need fresh start. 391 00:27:32,799 --> 00:27:34,366 Such a glare. 392 00:27:34,410 --> 00:27:36,673 It's like I'm on stage at the Gaiety. 393 00:27:36,716 --> 00:27:39,328 With training, you can be X-Man. 394 00:27:39,371 --> 00:27:41,460 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 395 00:27:41,504 --> 00:27:42,809 I'm not X-Man material. 396 00:27:42,853 --> 00:27:44,420 Understatement of the year. 397 00:27:44,898 --> 00:27:45,899 Wade, Yukio. 398 00:27:46,378 --> 00:27:48,293 Yukio, Wade. 399 00:27:48,337 --> 00:27:50,426 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 400 00:27:50,469 --> 00:27:53,124 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 401 00:27:53,167 --> 00:27:54,995 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 402 00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:56,910 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 403 00:27:56,954 --> 00:27:59,565 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 404 00:27:59,609 --> 00:28:01,437 I like this guy. 405 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,569 Give him a chance. 406 00:28:03,613 --> 00:28:04,720 It's great seeing you like this. 407 00:28:04,744 --> 00:28:06,920 Yeah. 408 00:28:07,399 --> 00:28:08,705 Bye, Wade! 409 00:28:08,748 --> 00:28:11,229 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 410 00:28:11,272 --> 00:28:14,058 "Rule number one. No killing... 411 00:28:14,101 --> 00:28:17,540 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 412 00:28:17,583 --> 00:28:20,238 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 413 00:28:20,281 --> 00:28:21,282 Wade? 414 00:28:22,153 --> 00:28:23,415 Wade? 415 00:28:23,459 --> 00:28:25,286 Don't try to chase me. Wade! 416 00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:27,419 I'm not ready to be touched again. 417 00:28:27,463 --> 00:28:29,682 All these old guys on the wall. 418 00:28:29,726 --> 00:28:31,815 Who lives here, Calista Flockhart? 419 00:28:34,121 --> 00:28:37,037 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 420 00:28:37,081 --> 00:28:38,952 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 421 00:28:38,996 --> 00:28:41,259 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 422 00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:44,175 And how would I do that exactly? 423 00:28:44,218 --> 00:28:46,656 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 424 00:28:46,699 --> 00:28:47,918 It's always just you 425 00:28:47,961 --> 00:28:49,286 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 426 00:28:49,310 --> 00:28:50,529 Enough! 427 00:28:50,573 --> 00:28:52,401 I said no touching! 428 00:28:54,185 --> 00:28:57,449 What the fuck? 429 00:28:57,493 --> 00:28:59,669 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 430 00:28:59,712 --> 00:29:02,541 One that doesn't end up in my mouth. 431 00:29:02,585 --> 00:29:03,779 The first movie made more money 432 00:29:03,803 --> 00:29:06,153 than the guy who invented pants. 433 00:29:06,197 --> 00:29:08,373 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 434 00:29:08,417 --> 00:29:10,506 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 435 00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:11,855 What do those do anyway, huh? 436 00:29:11,898 --> 00:29:13,378 Carry him three feet off the ground 437 00:29:13,422 --> 00:29:15,467 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 438 00:29:15,511 --> 00:29:17,687 No, no, no! 439 00:29:17,730 --> 00:29:20,472 I am not X-Man material at all. 440 00:29:20,516 --> 00:29:23,170 First off... 441 00:29:23,214 --> 00:29:25,259 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... 442 00:29:27,479 --> 00:29:28,524 I should have left you 443 00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:30,308 in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 444 00:29:30,351 --> 00:29:33,442 But this is what friends do. They show up! 445 00:29:33,485 --> 00:29:35,487 Not when convenient or easy. 446 00:29:35,531 --> 00:29:39,839 When hard, and you always make it hard. 447 00:29:39,883 --> 00:29:42,363 You are unwell. 448 00:29:42,407 --> 00:29:44,496 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 449 00:29:44,540 --> 00:29:46,455 Wait. One of the assholes 450 00:29:46,498 --> 00:29:47,978 who killed Vanessa got away. 451 00:29:50,546 --> 00:29:52,722 Oh, Jesus Christ! 452 00:29:52,765 --> 00:29:54,656 I thought you were gonna kiss me for a second there. 453 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,615 Please know I wouldn't be able to stop you if you did. 454 00:29:56,639 --> 00:29:58,684 Wade, whoever they are... 455 00:29:58,728 --> 00:30:01,078 we track them down and bring them to justice. 456 00:30:01,644 --> 00:30:03,080 It was me. 457 00:30:05,909 --> 00:30:08,564 I'm the asshole who got away. 458 00:30:08,607 --> 00:30:11,741 I killed every last one of them, except me. 459 00:30:11,784 --> 00:30:13,482 Couldn't kill me. 460 00:30:16,615 --> 00:30:18,617 We were gonna start a family. 461 00:30:20,445 --> 00:30:22,403 We were, uh... 462 00:30:23,622 --> 00:30:25,363 We were gonna be a family. 463 00:30:26,146 --> 00:30:27,278 Wade... 464 00:30:27,321 --> 00:30:30,107 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 465 00:30:31,674 --> 00:30:34,024 This may not be family you want... 466 00:30:34,067 --> 00:30:36,505 but it's family you need. 467 00:30:36,548 --> 00:30:37,810 You have a good heart. 468 00:30:37,854 --> 00:30:39,420 It belongs here where it can grow. 469 00:30:41,205 --> 00:30:42,206 What did you say? 470 00:30:44,251 --> 00:30:45,557 About my heart? 471 00:30:50,997 --> 00:30:52,999 I think I'm in the right place. 472 00:32:00,806 --> 00:32:03,635 I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 473 00:32:03,679 --> 00:32:05,289 Toilet paper. 474 00:32:05,332 --> 00:32:06,725 What's so bad about toilet paper? 475 00:32:06,769 --> 00:32:07,987 Gets the job done. 476 00:32:08,031 --> 00:32:10,903 Does it really get the job done? 477 00:32:10,947 --> 00:32:13,166 All right. Say you wake up tomorrow morning... 478 00:32:13,210 --> 00:32:17,910 and, hypothetically, find some fresh shit on your face. 479 00:32:17,954 --> 00:32:19,671 Your cheek, maybe a little bit in the beard. 480 00:32:19,695 --> 00:32:21,411 What the hell? I'm about to be fucking sick! 481 00:32:21,435 --> 00:32:22,523 What do you do? 482 00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:23,873 Do you go to a bathroom 483 00:32:23,916 --> 00:32:25,614 and tear off a piece of dry tissue... 484 00:32:25,657 --> 00:32:27,528 and rub it around on your beard a little bit 485 00:32:27,572 --> 00:32:29,139 and then go on, get on with your day? 486 00:32:29,182 --> 00:32:30,793 Go to church, maybe dinner and a movie, 487 00:32:30,836 --> 00:32:31,968 like nothing happened? 488 00:32:32,011 --> 00:32:33,404 Where is this coming from, man? 489 00:32:33,447 --> 00:32:34,666 But something did happen. 490 00:32:34,710 --> 00:32:36,189 Your face smells like shit. Right? 491 00:32:36,233 --> 00:32:37,800 So what you would do, 492 00:32:37,843 --> 00:32:40,106 is you would get some soap, you'd get some hot water... 493 00:32:40,150 --> 00:32:42,500 and you would scrub the fucking shit 494 00:32:42,543 --> 00:32:44,545 out of your beard for 10 straight minutes. 495 00:32:44,589 --> 00:32:46,286 You could not scrub it enough. 496 00:32:46,330 --> 00:32:47,984 Are you trying to make me feel disgusting? 497 00:32:48,027 --> 00:32:49,246 I'm starting to feel... 498 00:32:49,289 --> 00:32:51,988 Toilet paper is a pretty fine appetizer. 499 00:32:52,031 --> 00:32:54,338 But, then... 500 00:32:54,381 --> 00:32:56,688 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 501 00:32:56,732 --> 00:32:58,124 That's your main course. 502 00:32:58,168 --> 00:33:02,085 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 503 00:33:02,128 --> 00:33:04,914 Finally, one more pass with toilet paper, 504 00:33:04,957 --> 00:33:06,872 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 505 00:33:06,916 --> 00:33:08,569 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 506 00:33:08,613 --> 00:33:09,919 if you can get you a hair dryer. 507 00:33:09,962 --> 00:33:12,312 Just about 30 seconds would do you good. 508 00:33:16,012 --> 00:33:17,013 The fuck? 509 00:33:18,275 --> 00:33:19,319 Year. 510 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:21,321 What? 511 00:33:22,540 --> 00:33:24,194 What year is it? 512 00:33:24,237 --> 00:33:26,675 What kind of dumbass question is that to ask? 513 00:33:57,444 --> 00:34:00,230 We have 8 weeks of boot camp ahead of us, men. 514 00:34:00,273 --> 00:34:01,622 That'll get us toned and prepared 515 00:34:01,666 --> 00:34:03,233 for all manner of combat. 516 00:34:05,322 --> 00:34:09,543 Not working out at all. 517 00:34:09,587 --> 00:34:11,241 Masking tape. 518 00:34:11,284 --> 00:34:13,634 It is no friend to chilled aluminum. 519 00:34:14,723 --> 00:34:16,725 Velcro. Color-coded, efficient, 520 00:34:16,768 --> 00:34:17,813 environmentally friendly. 521 00:34:18,596 --> 00:34:20,163 Who is he talking to? 522 00:34:20,206 --> 00:34:21,880 And why is he dressed like a registered sex offender? 523 00:34:21,904 --> 00:34:23,906 Can we focus for a moment, ladies? 524 00:34:23,949 --> 00:34:26,256 Please, we need to talk about next month's meal plan. 525 00:34:26,299 --> 00:34:28,084 Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche. 526 00:34:28,127 --> 00:34:29,476 I read the suggestion box. 527 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,130 I'm gonna stop you right there. 528 00:34:31,174 --> 00:34:33,176 I see through this weak act. 529 00:34:33,219 --> 00:34:37,571 You may have fooled Colossus with this nice guy shit... 530 00:34:37,615 --> 00:34:38,790 but not me. 531 00:34:38,834 --> 00:34:39,922 Don't be mean. 532 00:34:39,965 --> 00:34:41,314 Back off, NTW. 533 00:34:41,358 --> 00:34:43,577 No, no, no. Let her go. 534 00:34:43,621 --> 00:34:44,796 Let her go, it's okay. 535 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,406 She has a right to be skeptical. 536 00:34:46,450 --> 00:34:49,061 Look at me. I'm an easy target. 537 00:34:50,236 --> 00:34:51,629 You know, historically, 538 00:34:51,672 --> 00:34:53,587 mischief has been my mistress... 539 00:34:53,631 --> 00:34:56,286 so I understand, you know. But I like to think... 540 00:34:57,896 --> 00:35:01,204 that you guys have really rubbed off on me. 541 00:35:01,247 --> 00:35:03,327 I like to think that I've rubbed off around you, too. 542 00:35:05,295 --> 00:35:07,253 A lot. 543 00:35:07,297 --> 00:35:09,952 And for the first time in a long while... 544 00:35:09,995 --> 00:35:11,170 I like me. 545 00:35:13,390 --> 00:35:15,914 I accept your apology. I never apologized. 546 00:35:15,958 --> 00:35:17,524 I was talking to your heart. 547 00:35:17,568 --> 00:35:19,962 See? You're not lost cause you thought. 548 00:35:20,005 --> 00:35:23,226 I'm proud. You're everything I knew you can be. 549 00:35:23,269 --> 00:35:25,271 Thank you, Colossus. 550 00:35:25,315 --> 00:35:26,925 Just trying to be the world's best X-Man. 551 00:35:26,969 --> 00:35:28,405 Sorry, X-Person. 552 00:35:29,972 --> 00:35:32,670 Hmm. Something wrong with the soap. 553 00:35:32,713 --> 00:35:34,324 It's fine. 554 00:35:34,367 --> 00:35:36,587 I just filled it. Give it a few more pumps there. 555 00:35:37,806 --> 00:35:40,286 Now, if you'll excuse me... 556 00:35:40,330 --> 00:35:42,114 it's dust bunny season... 557 00:35:42,158 --> 00:35:43,159 and I'm hunting wabbits. 558 00:35:43,899 --> 00:35:44,987 Bye, Wade! 559 00:35:47,163 --> 00:35:49,730 Fuck. Fuck you. 560 00:36:01,394 --> 00:36:03,962 No one is born perfect. 561 00:36:04,006 --> 00:36:06,008 But you can be. 562 00:36:06,051 --> 00:36:08,401 I know you're doing what comes naturally. 563 00:36:12,710 --> 00:36:14,538 You can't help yourself. 564 00:36:18,411 --> 00:36:20,500 But you can. 565 00:36:20,544 --> 00:36:23,634 It takes work, discipline... 566 00:36:23,677 --> 00:36:24,896 and treatment. 567 00:36:24,940 --> 00:36:26,637 Your abilities... 568 00:36:28,595 --> 00:36:31,381 I know how seductive they are. 569 00:36:31,424 --> 00:36:34,558 How powerful they make you feel. 570 00:36:34,601 --> 00:36:37,126 But you must learn never to use them... 571 00:36:37,169 --> 00:36:39,780 so they will never use you. 572 00:36:46,004 --> 00:36:47,614 Please don't cry. 573 00:36:48,441 --> 00:36:50,052 I'm going to help. 574 00:36:50,095 --> 00:36:53,272 I'm gonna make you feel what you should feel. 575 00:36:53,316 --> 00:36:55,840 How you need to feel... 576 00:36:55,884 --> 00:36:59,235 every time you're tempted to act upon your urges. 577 00:36:59,278 --> 00:37:03,195 Suck my mutant dick, you four-eyed fuck. 578 00:37:17,601 --> 00:37:18,819 Wade. 579 00:37:19,820 --> 00:37:21,387 Wade! 580 00:37:21,431 --> 00:37:23,520 Come in! Hey, I was just doing 581 00:37:23,563 --> 00:37:25,478 a little bit of light reading here... 582 00:37:25,522 --> 00:37:26,958 We have mission. 583 00:37:27,002 --> 00:37:28,525 Well, you guys be safe out there. 584 00:37:28,568 --> 00:37:29,830 I'll be praying for you. 585 00:37:29,874 --> 00:37:32,268 No, I want you to join. 586 00:37:33,486 --> 00:37:34,661 I'm sorry, what? 587 00:37:34,705 --> 00:37:36,315 You heard me. 588 00:37:36,359 --> 00:37:38,752 Trust me, that's a terrible idea. 589 00:37:38,796 --> 00:37:39,884 I'm really not ready. 590 00:37:39,928 --> 00:37:41,625 You are ready. I'm not. 591 00:37:41,668 --> 00:37:43,540 Be at the X-Jet in five. 592 00:37:43,583 --> 00:37:44,758 I can do thirty. 593 00:37:44,802 --> 00:37:46,760 Now. I can do now. 594 00:37:46,804 --> 00:37:48,023 Final offer. 595 00:37:48,066 --> 00:37:50,634 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 596 00:37:50,677 --> 00:37:52,679 Live here at a breaking news situation 597 00:37:52,723 --> 00:37:55,378 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 598 00:37:55,421 --> 00:37:57,380 A mutant boy is appearing to have 599 00:37:57,423 --> 00:37:58,903 some sort of an incident... 600 00:37:58,947 --> 00:38:00,446 - with police here behind me. - Get away from me! 601 00:38:00,470 --> 00:38:02,907 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 602 00:38:02,951 --> 00:38:04,406 There are open fires. Fuck off! Stay back! 603 00:38:04,430 --> 00:38:05,494 A scene of absolute chaos here. 604 00:38:05,518 --> 00:38:06,650 Calm down. 605 00:38:06,693 --> 00:38:09,305 I'll burn you! You stay back! 606 00:38:10,045 --> 00:38:11,829 Get away from me! 607 00:38:11,872 --> 00:38:14,353 You wanna fucking die? 608 00:38:29,368 --> 00:38:32,589 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 609 00:38:32,632 --> 00:38:34,156 Scatter! 610 00:38:34,199 --> 00:38:36,201 ...with what appears to be a trainee. 611 00:38:36,245 --> 00:38:39,248 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 612 00:38:39,291 --> 00:38:40,466 We're the X-Men! 613 00:38:40,510 --> 00:38:43,034 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 614 00:38:43,078 --> 00:38:45,602 So, respect. 615 00:38:45,645 --> 00:38:46,907 At ease, Officer. 616 00:38:48,474 --> 00:38:49,998 What are you doing? 617 00:38:50,476 --> 00:38:51,782 My job! 618 00:38:51,825 --> 00:38:53,225 You're the one who said I was ready, 619 00:38:53,262 --> 00:38:54,785 and I frankly disagreed with you. 620 00:38:54,828 --> 00:38:57,222 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 621 00:38:57,266 --> 00:38:59,703 Like Beyonce says, "Please... 622 00:39:00,530 --> 00:39:01,922 "Please, stop cheating on me." 623 00:39:01,966 --> 00:39:03,054 Hey! 624 00:39:03,098 --> 00:39:04,490 This is the fifth incident. 625 00:39:04,534 --> 00:39:06,753 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 626 00:39:06,797 --> 00:39:08,451 Russell belongs in our care. 627 00:39:08,494 --> 00:39:10,279 Not in prison. I assure you... 628 00:39:10,322 --> 00:39:11,473 we have everything under control. 629 00:39:11,497 --> 00:39:12,605 Stay back! I'll burn you! 630 00:39:12,629 --> 00:39:13,847 Not getting a real 631 00:39:13,891 --> 00:39:15,980 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 632 00:39:16,024 --> 00:39:18,069 It is Glen, isn't it? Daniel. 633 00:39:18,113 --> 00:39:19,331 I'll ask the questions, Miguel. 634 00:39:19,375 --> 00:39:20,724 Let me talk to the kid. 635 00:39:20,767 --> 00:39:25,598 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 636 00:39:27,339 --> 00:39:28,384 You wanna die? 637 00:39:28,427 --> 00:39:29,622 This kid's adorable. 638 00:39:29,646 --> 00:39:30,666 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 639 00:39:30,690 --> 00:39:31,865 I'll burn your balls off! 640 00:39:31,909 --> 00:39:35,260 First day. I'm so nervous! 641 00:39:35,304 --> 00:39:36,870 Did you just say "hollow points"? 642 00:39:36,914 --> 00:39:38,263 Yeah, probably should've 643 00:39:38,307 --> 00:39:40,352 brought a Super Soaker. 644 00:39:40,918 --> 00:39:41,919 Hi, there! 645 00:39:43,181 --> 00:39:45,705 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 646 00:39:45,749 --> 00:39:49,231 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 647 00:39:50,623 --> 00:39:52,297 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 648 00:39:52,321 --> 00:39:55,454 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 649 00:39:55,498 --> 00:39:57,021 Okay? Let's just talk! 650 00:39:57,065 --> 00:39:58,675 It's Russell, right? 651 00:39:58,718 --> 00:40:00,981 Firefist.Firefist. 652 00:40:01,025 --> 00:40:03,245 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 653 00:40:03,288 --> 00:40:05,088 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 654 00:40:09,773 --> 00:40:12,428 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 655 00:40:12,471 --> 00:40:15,300 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 656 00:40:15,344 --> 00:40:18,129 You stole that from Robocop! That's from Robocop! 657 00:40:18,173 --> 00:40:19,826 Just stand down! 658 00:40:19,870 --> 00:40:21,959 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 659 00:40:23,308 --> 00:40:25,832 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 660 00:40:30,359 --> 00:40:34,363 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 661 00:40:34,406 --> 00:40:35,799 Put your hands behind your knees 662 00:40:35,842 --> 00:40:37,322 and get down on your head! Now! 663 00:40:37,366 --> 00:40:39,629 Wade! What was first rule? 664 00:40:39,672 --> 00:40:41,631 Label everything in the refrigerator! 665 00:40:41,674 --> 00:40:44,286 Do not escalate! Rules are meant to be broken! 666 00:40:44,329 --> 00:40:45,765 That's the exact opposite 667 00:40:45,809 --> 00:40:47,158 of what they're meant for! 668 00:40:48,203 --> 00:40:50,161 Fuck! Fine! 669 00:40:50,205 --> 00:40:51,815 I'll start from the beginning. 670 00:40:51,858 --> 00:40:54,209 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 671 00:40:54,252 --> 00:40:56,211 Trainee! Shut it! 672 00:40:57,168 --> 00:40:59,431 Look, I get it. 673 00:41:00,606 --> 00:41:02,217 All right, you're scared. 674 00:41:02,782 --> 00:41:03,870 Alone. 675 00:41:03,914 --> 00:41:05,002 You got no family. 676 00:41:05,045 --> 00:41:06,110 I didn't have a family, either. 677 00:41:06,134 --> 00:41:07,874 You live in this dump. Guess what? 678 00:41:07,918 --> 00:41:09,615 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 679 00:41:10,529 --> 00:41:11,878 But you know something? 680 00:41:11,922 --> 00:41:13,663 A wise woman once said to me... 681 00:41:13,706 --> 00:41:15,186 "Speak up." 682 00:41:15,230 --> 00:41:18,058 "I can't hear you with that pity dick in your mouth." 683 00:41:18,102 --> 00:41:19,712 Too much? I went too far. 684 00:41:27,677 --> 00:41:29,200 That was effervescent. 685 00:41:29,244 --> 00:41:31,507 Stay in school, kid. 686 00:41:31,550 --> 00:41:33,378 Or don't. I didn't. 687 00:41:33,422 --> 00:41:35,032 And I'm an X-Man. 688 00:41:35,075 --> 00:41:36,207 Trainee. 689 00:41:36,251 --> 00:41:37,600 Fuck it! 690 00:41:37,643 --> 00:41:39,384 Superhero landing coming up! 691 00:41:42,996 --> 00:41:44,650 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck! 692 00:41:44,694 --> 00:41:46,783 That is so not practical. 693 00:42:07,282 --> 00:42:09,414 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 694 00:42:09,458 --> 00:42:10,609 Trainee! 695 00:42:10,633 --> 00:42:11,851 Trainee! 696 00:42:11,895 --> 00:42:13,679 Get a power restraint on him. Now! 697 00:42:13,723 --> 00:42:16,943 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 698 00:42:18,815 --> 00:42:20,338 What's that do? 699 00:42:20,382 --> 00:42:21,905 Power-dampening collar. 700 00:42:21,948 --> 00:42:23,254 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 701 00:42:23,298 --> 00:42:26,126 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 702 00:42:26,170 --> 00:42:29,173 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 703 00:42:29,217 --> 00:42:30,435 Thank you! 704 00:42:32,307 --> 00:42:34,526 That was absolutely thrilling. 705 00:42:34,570 --> 00:42:36,789 True heroism in action. 706 00:42:36,833 --> 00:42:38,487 We are in your debt. 707 00:42:39,314 --> 00:42:40,967 We can take it from here. 708 00:42:41,011 --> 00:42:43,231 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 709 00:42:43,274 --> 00:42:44,449 Anywhere's better than here. 710 00:42:44,493 --> 00:42:45,755 Believe me, son, 711 00:42:45,798 --> 00:42:47,539 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 712 00:42:47,583 --> 00:42:50,194 That place makes Hitler's anus look like Waikiki. 713 00:42:50,238 --> 00:42:52,109 Let's get you inside, young man. 714 00:42:52,152 --> 00:42:54,154 No, wait, wait. Wait. 715 00:42:54,198 --> 00:42:55,678 You guys stay there. 716 00:43:05,775 --> 00:43:07,385 Those guys hurt you? 717 00:43:08,821 --> 00:43:09,866 Who? 718 00:43:11,911 --> 00:43:14,610 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 719 00:43:16,089 --> 00:43:17,569 Both of 'em? 720 00:43:21,312 --> 00:43:23,009 Oh, fuck it. 721 00:43:23,053 --> 00:43:24,620 Four or five moments! 722 00:43:24,663 --> 00:43:25,708 I'm sorry? 723 00:43:25,751 --> 00:43:28,928 Four or five moments! 724 00:43:30,190 --> 00:43:32,932 That's all it takes to be a hero. 725 00:43:33,977 --> 00:43:36,284 People think you wake up a hero... 726 00:43:36,327 --> 00:43:38,460 brush your teeth a hero... 727 00:43:38,503 --> 00:43:41,419 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 728 00:43:42,855 --> 00:43:46,555 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 729 00:43:47,904 --> 00:43:49,558 A few moments... 730 00:43:49,601 --> 00:43:52,300 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 731 00:43:55,781 --> 00:43:56,913 No! 732 00:43:59,568 --> 00:44:00,849 Stand down! Hold your fire! 733 00:44:00,873 --> 00:44:03,223 Wade, what did you do? Colossus, no! 734 00:44:03,267 --> 00:44:06,531 You were right, Wade. You are not X-Men material. 735 00:44:06,575 --> 00:44:08,881 No shit, Shiny Gandhi! 736 00:44:08,925 --> 00:44:10,405 What was your first clue? 737 00:44:10,448 --> 00:44:13,582 The hollow point through that fuckhead's face? 738 00:44:13,625 --> 00:44:14,931 That kid was abused! 739 00:44:14,974 --> 00:44:17,020 - You can always tell! - We have rules! 740 00:44:17,063 --> 00:44:19,805 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 741 00:44:19,849 --> 00:44:22,808 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 742 00:44:22,852 --> 00:44:24,680 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 743 00:44:24,723 --> 00:44:27,770 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 744 00:44:30,903 --> 00:44:33,210 Okay, get these guys in the pod. 745 00:44:33,253 --> 00:44:35,430 Take them to the Ice Box. 746 00:44:56,059 --> 00:44:57,060 Hey, baby! 747 00:44:58,148 --> 00:45:00,411 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 748 00:45:00,455 --> 00:45:01,934 Yeah! 749 00:45:01,978 --> 00:45:04,241 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - Hi. 750 00:45:06,112 --> 00:45:07,505 I've always seen myself as 751 00:45:07,549 --> 00:45:08,941 more of an East Coast Hufflepuff. 752 00:45:10,465 --> 00:45:13,424 I've made a critical error on my Airbnb reservation. 753 00:45:13,468 --> 00:45:17,341 This is not what the website looked like at all. 754 00:45:18,908 --> 00:45:20,649 I love the decor though. 755 00:45:20,692 --> 00:45:22,651 I had no idea hopeless was a color. 756 00:45:22,694 --> 00:45:23,956 Hard left, douchebag. 757 00:45:28,483 --> 00:45:29,701 Please, after you. 758 00:45:31,834 --> 00:45:34,532 Another disgusting minority off the streets. 759 00:45:34,576 --> 00:45:35,707 We'll sleep well tonight. 760 00:45:35,751 --> 00:45:36,795 Let's get a bagel. 761 00:45:40,059 --> 00:45:42,888 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 762 00:46:18,663 --> 00:46:20,554 You're a long way from your superpowers. 763 00:46:20,578 --> 00:46:23,015 Yeah. Just a touch of cancer. 764 00:46:23,059 --> 00:46:25,540 Not to worry, we're old friends. 765 00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:26,802 Fuck! 766 00:46:26,845 --> 00:46:29,021 I wanted to be a superhero. 767 00:46:29,065 --> 00:46:31,023 Always wanted a real super suit. 768 00:46:31,067 --> 00:46:32,634 What happened? 769 00:46:32,677 --> 00:46:34,797 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 770 00:46:35,463 --> 00:46:36,942 Never. 771 00:46:36,986 --> 00:46:38,770 The industry discriminates. 772 00:46:39,858 --> 00:46:41,947 Fuck superheroes. 773 00:46:41,991 --> 00:46:44,254 The thing that pisses me off the most... 774 00:46:44,297 --> 00:46:46,125 I never stood up for myself in there. 775 00:46:47,736 --> 00:46:50,652 My whole life. 776 00:46:50,695 --> 00:46:54,177 I've been waiting for someone to come and save me. 777 00:46:56,571 --> 00:46:59,530 Nobody's gonna sacrifice anything for me. 778 00:47:03,665 --> 00:47:05,928 I gotta start taking care of myself. 779 00:47:07,277 --> 00:47:10,019 I have a mission now. 780 00:47:10,062 --> 00:47:12,717 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 781 00:47:12,761 --> 00:47:15,111 burn the headmaster alive... 782 00:47:15,154 --> 00:47:18,854 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 783 00:47:18,897 --> 00:47:21,334 Aw. That's, like, my favorite part of the Bible. 784 00:47:23,075 --> 00:47:25,556 I don't have a sock puppet on me... 785 00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,645 but what did he do to you? 786 00:47:27,689 --> 00:47:29,299 Did he taste the rainbow? 787 00:47:29,342 --> 00:47:31,388 I'd whisper it, but Skittles would sue us. 788 00:47:32,563 --> 00:47:34,565 Fucker hates mutants. 789 00:47:34,609 --> 00:47:36,567 He tried to beat the genes out of us. 790 00:47:36,611 --> 00:47:39,135 Nothing worse than a "pray the gay away" type guy. 791 00:47:39,918 --> 00:47:41,311 Sick piece of shit. 792 00:47:42,704 --> 00:47:46,403 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 793 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,058 and we'll make him our bitch! 794 00:47:52,975 --> 00:47:54,324 What was that? 795 00:47:54,367 --> 00:47:56,935 That is the biggest guy in here. 796 00:47:56,979 --> 00:47:59,068 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 797 00:47:59,111 --> 00:48:00,939 though no one's ever seen it, 798 00:48:00,983 --> 00:48:03,202 they keep a monster in the basement. 799 00:48:03,246 --> 00:48:04,987 Right next to a huge, 800 00:48:05,030 --> 00:48:06,554 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 801 00:48:07,206 --> 00:48:08,207 Look. 802 00:48:09,208 --> 00:48:11,471 I can't protect you. 803 00:48:11,515 --> 00:48:12,647 With this collar on, 804 00:48:12,690 --> 00:48:15,824 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 805 00:48:15,867 --> 00:48:19,349 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 806 00:48:19,392 --> 00:48:21,481 Now, if you'll excuse me... 807 00:48:21,525 --> 00:48:24,702 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 808 00:48:24,746 --> 00:48:27,226 I'll start by making us a shank. 809 00:48:27,270 --> 00:48:29,185 Good listening. I stole that guard's pen... 810 00:48:29,228 --> 00:48:31,187 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 811 00:48:31,230 --> 00:48:32,623 if you know what I'm saying. 812 00:48:32,667 --> 00:48:35,147 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 813 00:48:37,236 --> 00:48:39,587 I know it's in there, I just need to get it out. 814 00:48:39,630 --> 00:48:41,719 Oh, Jesus Christ. 815 00:48:41,763 --> 00:48:44,417 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 816 00:48:44,461 --> 00:48:46,855 Do they make Purell for your ears? 817 00:48:51,381 --> 00:48:52,741 And to update you 818 00:48:52,774 --> 00:48:54,166 on the story reported earlier, 819 00:48:54,210 --> 00:48:55,907 after a lengthy standoff 820 00:48:55,951 --> 00:48:58,562 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 821 00:48:58,606 --> 00:48:59,911 two mutants were arrested 822 00:48:59,955 --> 00:49:01,696 and transported to the Ice Box... 823 00:49:01,739 --> 00:49:03,219 Entering repair mode. 824 00:49:07,571 --> 00:49:09,157 ...several police cars were destroyed 825 00:49:09,181 --> 00:49:11,009 and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 826 00:49:32,248 --> 00:49:34,250 Cells seven and nine 827 00:49:34,293 --> 00:49:37,688 now off-limits for medical personnel. 828 00:49:37,732 --> 00:49:39,211 Cells seven and nine 829 00:49:39,255 --> 00:49:41,997 now off-limits for medical personnel. 830 00:49:43,738 --> 00:49:45,130 Psst! 831 00:49:47,437 --> 00:49:49,787 Don't do that. 832 00:49:49,831 --> 00:49:52,703 What? Why are you winking at me? 833 00:49:56,315 --> 00:49:57,708 I got your back. 834 00:49:57,752 --> 00:49:58,970 Oh, my God. 835 00:49:59,014 --> 00:50:00,537 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 836 00:50:00,580 --> 00:50:02,495 Just leave me alone, kid. 837 00:50:03,627 --> 00:50:04,672 Oh, great. 838 00:50:06,543 --> 00:50:09,067 Well, hello there, new fish. 839 00:50:09,111 --> 00:50:12,157 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 840 00:50:12,201 --> 00:50:14,464 I've done some light catalog work... 841 00:50:14,507 --> 00:50:16,988 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 842 00:50:17,032 --> 00:50:19,817 I was talking to him.Oh. 843 00:50:19,861 --> 00:50:23,255 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 844 00:50:23,299 --> 00:50:25,954 Black Tom Cassidy. White Wade Wilson. 845 00:50:25,997 --> 00:50:29,435 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 846 00:50:29,479 --> 00:50:32,047 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 847 00:50:32,090 --> 00:50:34,658 You don't look like much to me. 848 00:50:34,702 --> 00:50:37,139 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 849 00:50:37,182 --> 00:50:39,228 find the biggest guy and make him your... 850 00:50:43,058 --> 00:50:45,277 Second biggest guy. 851 00:50:45,321 --> 00:50:47,758 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 852 00:50:47,802 --> 00:50:51,370 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 853 00:50:51,414 --> 00:50:53,242 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 854 00:50:54,547 --> 00:50:56,767 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 855 00:50:56,811 --> 00:50:59,161 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 856 00:50:59,204 --> 00:51:01,467 Zip it. We're not friends. 857 00:51:03,165 --> 00:51:04,445 You're about to get dick-slapped. 858 00:51:16,831 --> 00:51:18,571 I had so much fun! You were like... 859 00:51:18,615 --> 00:51:20,704 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 860 00:51:20,748 --> 00:51:22,488 Just let me die in peace. 861 00:51:22,532 --> 00:51:24,664 We make a great team! 862 00:51:24,708 --> 00:51:27,276 Oh, God! We're not a team. 863 00:51:27,319 --> 00:51:31,671 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 864 00:51:31,715 --> 00:51:34,109 We're not partners or friends. 865 00:51:35,545 --> 00:51:37,634 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 866 00:51:37,677 --> 00:51:39,854 It ends with me dying of cancer... 867 00:51:39,897 --> 00:51:43,771 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 868 00:51:45,207 --> 00:51:46,817 There's only one person in this world 869 00:51:46,861 --> 00:51:48,645 that I care about, and she's gone. 870 00:51:50,429 --> 00:51:53,606 You wanna survive? 871 00:51:53,650 --> 00:51:56,958 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 872 00:51:57,001 --> 00:51:58,873 and make friends with them. 873 00:52:00,178 --> 00:52:01,789 Make friends with someone. 874 00:52:03,007 --> 00:52:04,617 Anyone but me. 875 00:52:05,793 --> 00:52:08,099 Maybe even Black Tim. 876 00:52:09,013 --> 00:52:10,623 Black Evan, I don't know. 877 00:52:10,667 --> 00:52:13,148 All I remember is he was African-American. 878 00:52:58,628 --> 00:53:00,717 System malfunctioning. 879 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:04,112 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 880 00:53:04,155 --> 00:53:06,418 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 881 00:53:06,462 --> 00:53:09,769 Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 882 00:53:10,945 --> 00:53:12,385 Searching. 883 00:53:13,904 --> 00:53:16,254 Cell 04 located. 884 00:53:17,647 --> 00:53:19,779 Door won't open! 885 00:53:19,823 --> 00:53:21,433 On your fucking knees! 886 00:53:58,383 --> 00:54:00,081 That was our cell. 887 00:54:02,213 --> 00:54:04,520 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker 888 00:54:04,563 --> 00:54:05,738 with a Winter Soldier arm? 889 00:54:15,009 --> 00:54:16,924 Get away from me, kid! 890 00:54:24,540 --> 00:54:25,758 Listen to me! Go! 891 00:54:31,242 --> 00:54:32,548 Hello, Russell. 892 00:56:16,130 --> 00:56:17,131 Who are you? 893 00:56:18,045 --> 00:56:19,263 I'm Batman. 894 00:56:30,709 --> 00:56:31,754 Ooh! 895 00:56:36,498 --> 00:56:39,370 Oh. That's got some zip. 896 00:56:47,900 --> 00:56:50,686 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 897 00:56:51,382 --> 00:56:52,949 Talk! 898 00:56:52,992 --> 00:56:54,777 What kind of spineless shit stick 899 00:56:54,820 --> 00:56:56,170 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 900 00:56:57,475 --> 00:56:58,998 You might wanna start talking! 901 00:56:59,042 --> 00:57:01,282 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 902 00:57:02,654 --> 00:57:04,656 The name's Cable. 903 00:57:04,700 --> 00:57:07,355 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 904 00:57:08,051 --> 00:57:09,357 Oh! 905 00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,359 So, you're from the future. 906 00:57:11,402 --> 00:57:13,361 I have three questions then. 907 00:57:13,404 --> 00:57:17,016 One, is dubstep still a thing? 908 00:57:17,060 --> 00:57:19,541 Two, do people still homebrew? 909 00:57:19,584 --> 00:57:22,152 And three, does Dopinder ever find love? 910 00:58:06,327 --> 00:58:08,111 Dubstep's for pussies. 911 00:58:08,155 --> 00:58:09,460 You're so dark! 912 00:58:09,504 --> 00:58:11,593 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 913 00:58:12,333 --> 00:58:13,899 I love dubstep! 914 00:58:40,187 --> 00:58:41,623 Is that a fanny pack? 915 00:58:41,666 --> 00:58:44,234 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 916 00:58:45,235 --> 00:58:47,324 Something to remember you by. 917 00:58:47,368 --> 00:58:51,154 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 918 00:58:51,198 --> 00:58:53,548 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 919 00:59:03,297 --> 00:59:05,386 Why are you protecting the kid? 920 00:59:06,691 --> 00:59:08,998 I don't give a fuck about him... 921 00:59:09,041 --> 00:59:11,435 and his Are You My Mother? complex! 922 00:59:13,785 --> 00:59:15,047 What's this one do? 923 00:59:29,236 --> 00:59:30,846 In every film, there's a moment 924 00:59:30,889 --> 00:59:33,283 when the hero hits rock bottom. 925 00:59:33,327 --> 00:59:35,285 InCool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 926 00:59:35,329 --> 00:59:37,287 prized bobsled broke. 927 00:59:37,331 --> 00:59:40,072 InHuman Centipede, it was when those people... 928 00:59:40,116 --> 00:59:41,683 signed on to be in that movie. 929 00:59:41,726 --> 00:59:43,859 But in this film, well... 930 00:59:43,902 --> 00:59:45,121 you're looking at it. 931 00:59:45,164 --> 00:59:46,905 On your fucking knees, mutant. 932 00:59:49,821 --> 00:59:50,822 Rock... 933 00:59:54,870 --> 00:59:56,350 meet bottom. 934 01:00:07,056 --> 01:00:08,207 I love you, Wade Wilson. 935 01:00:08,231 --> 01:00:09,406 Ness? 936 01:00:10,451 --> 01:00:11,930 Hey, Ness! 937 01:00:12,801 --> 01:00:14,629 Ness, can you let me in? 938 01:00:14,672 --> 01:00:16,761 Please! Please. 939 01:00:18,937 --> 01:00:20,069 Jesus. 940 01:00:22,985 --> 01:00:24,745 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 941 01:00:24,769 --> 01:00:26,597 I'm at the end of my rope. 942 01:00:29,078 --> 01:00:31,428 Then I joined the X-Men. 943 01:00:31,472 --> 01:00:33,300 I went to prison. I, uh... 944 01:00:37,391 --> 01:00:38,914 Is it the kid? 945 01:00:40,959 --> 01:00:43,875 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 946 01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:46,313 The kid! 947 01:00:59,935 --> 01:01:01,545 That's exactly what she meant. 948 01:01:01,589 --> 01:01:03,001 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 949 01:01:03,025 --> 01:01:04,896 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 950 01:01:04,940 --> 01:01:07,551 He's never had anyone, ever. 951 01:01:07,595 --> 01:01:08,944 I need to be selfless. 952 01:01:08,987 --> 01:01:10,946 Yeah, but what does that mean? 953 01:01:10,989 --> 01:01:14,253 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 954 01:01:14,297 --> 01:01:15,820 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 955 01:01:15,864 --> 01:01:18,867 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 956 01:01:18,910 --> 01:01:20,975 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 957 01:01:20,999 --> 01:01:22,523 I literally don't know what that means. 958 01:01:22,566 --> 01:01:23,741 Jesus Christ. 959 01:01:23,785 --> 01:01:26,527 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 960 01:01:26,570 --> 01:01:28,398 those muties are being transferred 961 01:01:28,442 --> 01:01:30,269 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 962 01:01:30,313 --> 01:01:32,141 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 963 01:01:32,184 --> 01:01:34,361 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 964 01:01:34,404 --> 01:01:36,406 We're talking about an armored convoy... 965 01:01:36,450 --> 01:01:39,061 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 966 01:01:39,104 --> 01:01:41,455 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 967 01:01:41,498 --> 01:01:42,978 You know what we need to do? 968 01:01:43,021 --> 01:01:44,893 We need to build a fucking team. 969 01:01:44,936 --> 01:01:47,025 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 970 01:01:47,069 --> 01:01:48,462 and young enough so they can carry 971 01:01:48,505 --> 01:01:49,700 this franchise 10 to 12 years. 972 01:01:49,724 --> 01:01:51,595 A team of highly-skilled motherfuckers. 973 01:01:51,639 --> 01:01:54,685 I'm talking about some Ocean's 14shit. Rogue Two. 974 01:01:54,729 --> 01:01:57,166 John Wick 3,but with the original director. 975 01:01:57,209 --> 01:01:59,124 My body is an instrument of death. 976 01:01:59,168 --> 01:02:00,517 Not now, Dopinder. 977 01:02:00,561 --> 01:02:02,040 I could be of great use. 978 01:02:02,084 --> 01:02:03,651 What's your superpower? 979 01:02:05,479 --> 01:02:07,132 Courage. That's adorable. 980 01:02:07,176 --> 01:02:08,849 Do you have the courage to check and see... 981 01:02:08,873 --> 01:02:11,267 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 982 01:02:11,310 --> 01:02:12,355 Yes, sir. 983 01:02:12,399 --> 01:02:13,661 I'm sorry you had to see that, 984 01:02:13,704 --> 01:02:16,054 although I'm glad you heard it. 985 01:02:16,098 --> 01:02:18,013 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 986 01:02:18,056 --> 01:02:20,319 But we're not paying medical or dental. 987 01:02:20,363 --> 01:02:22,409 It's time to get back on LinkedIn. 988 01:02:59,271 --> 01:03:00,925 Attention, all inmates! 989 01:03:00,969 --> 01:03:03,406 Transport to Cross Force Maximum Security 990 01:03:03,450 --> 01:03:04,929 Mutant Containment Facility... 991 01:03:04,973 --> 01:03:06,931 will begin at 0800 hours. 992 01:03:06,975 --> 01:03:08,977 Inspection of your cells and out processing 993 01:03:09,020 --> 01:03:11,066 will begin at 0600. 994 01:03:19,378 --> 01:03:20,467 Oi. 995 01:03:20,510 --> 01:03:21,859 What the fuck do you want? 996 01:03:21,903 --> 01:03:23,731 That's my fucking pudding. 997 01:03:23,774 --> 01:03:25,776 Fuck your pudding! You like pudding? 998 01:03:46,797 --> 01:03:47,798 Hello? 999 01:03:50,105 --> 01:03:52,455 I know you're in there. 1000 01:04:08,123 --> 01:04:10,429 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 1001 01:04:11,692 --> 01:04:13,998 Lonely at the top, eh? 1002 01:04:14,042 --> 01:04:16,000 They're moving us tomorrow. 1003 01:04:18,481 --> 01:04:20,265 Maybe I can get you out of here. 1004 01:04:21,484 --> 01:04:24,618 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 1005 01:04:26,489 --> 01:04:28,230 We need a secret code. 1006 01:04:31,450 --> 01:04:33,888 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 1007 01:04:41,156 --> 01:04:42,679 We're a team. 1008 01:04:42,723 --> 01:04:44,681 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 1009 01:04:44,725 --> 01:04:48,380 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 1010 01:04:48,424 --> 01:04:49,532 Supposedly, she can rap, too. 1011 01:04:49,556 --> 01:04:50,644 Yeah. 1012 01:04:50,687 --> 01:04:51,732 I like that. 1013 01:04:51,775 --> 01:04:53,429 Terrific, these are all terrific. 1014 01:04:53,472 --> 01:04:55,213 Meet Bedlam. 1015 01:04:55,257 --> 01:04:57,520 Cool name! Superpowers? 1016 01:04:57,564 --> 01:04:59,087 I can distort electrical fields. 1017 01:05:00,305 --> 01:05:02,525 Including the one inside your brain... 1018 01:05:02,569 --> 01:05:05,267 causing anxiety, confusion... 1019 01:05:05,310 --> 01:05:07,312 pain. 1020 01:05:07,356 --> 01:05:09,445 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 1021 01:05:09,488 --> 01:05:10,620 We can use him. 1022 01:05:12,404 --> 01:05:14,058 I'm Zeitgeist. 1023 01:05:14,102 --> 01:05:15,407 Cool. I like it. 1024 01:05:15,451 --> 01:05:16,713 So you have the power 1025 01:05:16,757 --> 01:05:19,107 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 1026 01:05:20,151 --> 01:05:21,326 No. 1027 01:05:21,370 --> 01:05:22,937 No, I spit acidic vomit. 1028 01:05:22,980 --> 01:05:24,112 Oh.Do you want me 1029 01:05:24,155 --> 01:05:25,548 to demonstrate? DEADPOOL: No! 1030 01:05:25,592 --> 01:05:27,071 We'll take your word for it. 1031 01:05:27,115 --> 01:05:29,267 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 1032 01:05:29,291 --> 01:05:31,902 And this is the Vanisher. 1033 01:05:35,253 --> 01:05:36,254 But... 1034 01:05:37,429 --> 01:05:38,909 Vanisher! 1035 01:05:41,433 --> 01:05:43,087 Nice! Right? 1036 01:05:44,393 --> 01:05:45,524 He's not here, is he? 1037 01:05:45,568 --> 01:05:47,091 He may be running late. 1038 01:05:48,702 --> 01:05:51,530 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 1039 01:05:51,574 --> 01:05:52,793 That's good, yeah. 1040 01:05:52,836 --> 01:05:54,969 "Rusty" is terrible.Toughie. 1041 01:05:55,012 --> 01:05:57,841 So, uh, where are you from? The planet Mojo World. 1042 01:05:57,885 --> 01:05:59,930 So you're an alien, I guess. Bad name. 1043 01:05:59,974 --> 01:06:01,671 How does that, uh, help us? 1044 01:06:01,715 --> 01:06:04,631 I'm basically better than you at everything. 1045 01:06:04,674 --> 01:06:06,391 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 1046 01:06:06,415 --> 01:06:07,982 that are worse than me at everything. 1047 01:06:08,025 --> 01:06:10,245 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 1048 01:06:10,288 --> 01:06:12,223 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 1049 01:06:12,247 --> 01:06:13,378 Isn't that Canada? 1050 01:06:13,422 --> 01:06:15,816 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 1051 01:06:16,991 --> 01:06:18,514 Meet... Domino. 1052 01:06:18,557 --> 01:06:20,603 What's your shtick? I'm lucky. 1053 01:06:20,647 --> 01:06:22,039 That's not a superpower. 1054 01:06:22,083 --> 01:06:23,214 Yeah, it is. No, it isn't. 1055 01:06:23,258 --> 01:06:24,520 Yes, it is. No, it isn't. 1056 01:06:24,563 --> 01:06:25,608 Yeah, it is. No, it isn't. 1057 01:06:25,652 --> 01:06:26,696 Yes, it is. No, it isn't. 1058 01:06:26,740 --> 01:06:27,760 Yeah, it is. Really isn't. 1059 01:06:27,784 --> 01:06:29,003 No, it isn't.Yes, it is. 1060 01:06:29,046 --> 01:06:30,221 Told you. 1061 01:06:30,265 --> 01:06:31,614 Get out of my head! 1062 01:06:31,658 --> 01:06:33,268 I'm not in your head. 1063 01:06:33,311 --> 01:06:34,661 I'm in an 11-year-old's bedroom. 1064 01:06:34,704 --> 01:06:35,836 Well, if you're so lucky, 1065 01:06:35,879 --> 01:06:37,489 then what are you doing here with us? 1066 01:06:37,533 --> 01:06:38,665 I don't know yet. 1067 01:06:38,708 --> 01:06:40,231 What's that supposed to mean? 1068 01:06:40,275 --> 01:06:41,556 There's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when I know. 1069 01:06:41,580 --> 01:06:43,384 Everything usually just kind of works out for me. 1070 01:06:43,408 --> 01:06:45,236 Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds. 1071 01:06:46,542 --> 01:06:47,674 I don't know who that is. 1072 01:06:47,717 --> 01:06:49,197 You're hired. 1073 01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:50,285 Lucky me. 1074 01:06:50,328 --> 01:06:51,547 I like her! 1075 01:06:52,679 --> 01:06:53,984 And last, but not least... 1076 01:06:54,028 --> 01:06:55,159 Peter. 1077 01:06:56,552 --> 01:06:59,076 Am I getting catfished here or...? 1078 01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:01,035 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 1079 01:07:01,078 --> 01:07:02,689 No. 1080 01:07:02,732 --> 01:07:04,429 I don't have one. 1081 01:07:04,473 --> 01:07:05,779 Um, I just saw the ad. 1082 01:07:05,822 --> 01:07:07,606 No superpowers at all? 1083 01:07:07,650 --> 01:07:10,740 Uh, I have both Type 1 and 2 Diabetes. 1084 01:07:11,262 --> 01:07:12,611 Ow! Oh! 1085 01:07:12,655 --> 01:07:13,787 That's all the diabetes. 1086 01:07:13,830 --> 01:07:15,136 Right? Yeah, you got 'em all. 1087 01:07:15,179 --> 01:07:17,094 If you find a Type 3, let us know. 1088 01:07:17,616 --> 01:07:18,661 Yeah. 1089 01:07:18,705 --> 01:07:19,793 You're in. 1090 01:07:19,836 --> 01:07:21,359 Yeah. Fuck! 1091 01:07:23,753 --> 01:07:25,146 It's fulfilling work. 1092 01:07:30,238 --> 01:07:31,543 Let's go! 1093 01:07:45,166 --> 01:07:47,777 This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 1094 01:07:47,821 --> 01:07:49,170 We are en route. 1095 01:07:56,786 --> 01:07:59,136 Peacetime makes people soft. 1096 01:08:00,747 --> 01:08:02,531 I was born into war. 1097 01:08:04,054 --> 01:08:05,229 Bred into it. 1098 01:08:06,361 --> 01:08:08,145 Okay. 1099 01:08:08,189 --> 01:08:10,539 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 1100 01:08:12,497 --> 01:08:13,760 These restraints are pretty... 1101 01:08:13,803 --> 01:08:15,674 People think they understand pain. 1102 01:08:15,718 --> 01:08:17,154 They have no concept of it 1103 01:08:17,198 --> 01:08:19,156 beyond their own worst experience. 1104 01:08:20,767 --> 01:08:23,944 5 years old. That's what? 1105 01:08:23,987 --> 01:08:25,554 A bee sting. 1106 01:08:25,597 --> 01:08:26,729 Oh, yeah. 1107 01:08:26,773 --> 01:08:29,297 20 years old, shrapnel. 1108 01:08:29,340 --> 01:08:32,039 40 years old, disease. 1109 01:08:32,082 --> 01:08:36,652 Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man. 1110 01:08:36,695 --> 01:08:38,095 Yeah, getting old's not for sissies. 1111 01:08:38,132 --> 01:08:39,786 That's what my Grandma Ginny used to... 1112 01:08:39,829 --> 01:08:41,004 I've got a list. 1113 01:08:41,788 --> 01:08:43,746 We're gonna work down it. 1114 01:08:44,442 --> 01:08:45,443 Together. 1115 01:08:46,618 --> 01:08:49,665 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 1116 01:08:49,708 --> 01:08:52,015 Something that was not meant to bend. 1117 01:08:52,059 --> 01:08:53,210 I'm gonna stop you right there 1118 01:08:53,234 --> 01:08:54,559 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 1119 01:08:54,583 --> 01:08:55,889 I won't even make it to one. 1120 01:08:55,932 --> 01:08:57,673 I don't do well with pain, you know. 1121 01:08:57,716 --> 01:09:00,067 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 1122 01:09:00,110 --> 01:09:02,504 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 1123 01:09:02,547 --> 01:09:04,395 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. 1124 01:09:04,419 --> 01:09:05,812 I have one right now. 1125 01:09:05,855 --> 01:09:07,422 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 1126 01:09:07,465 --> 01:09:08,597 I don't want you to hurt me, 1127 01:09:08,640 --> 01:09:10,817 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 1128 01:09:11,818 --> 01:09:13,950 Except for where they are. 1129 01:09:13,994 --> 01:09:15,275 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 1130 01:09:15,299 --> 01:09:16,692 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 1131 01:09:16,735 --> 01:09:18,061 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 1132 01:09:18,085 --> 01:09:19,564 You all know the plan. 1133 01:09:19,608 --> 01:09:21,349 Intercept the convoy, 1134 01:09:21,392 --> 01:09:23,394 grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 1135 01:09:23,438 --> 01:09:24,787 You know what, 1136 01:09:24,831 --> 01:09:26,354 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 1137 01:09:26,397 --> 01:09:28,530 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 1138 01:09:28,573 --> 01:09:31,272 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 1139 01:09:31,315 --> 01:09:33,927 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 1140 01:09:33,970 --> 01:09:37,234 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 1141 01:09:37,278 --> 01:09:40,368 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 1142 01:09:40,411 --> 01:09:42,491 So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 1143 01:09:43,284 --> 01:09:44,981 there's a wind advisory in effect. 1144 01:09:56,123 --> 01:09:57,763 A little turbulent up here. 1145 01:10:05,132 --> 01:10:06,916 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 1146 01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:08,352 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 1147 01:10:08,396 --> 01:10:10,137 as many people as melanoma has. 1148 01:10:11,529 --> 01:10:12,922 We're getting close! 1149 01:10:12,966 --> 01:10:14,663 As a former X-Man... 1150 01:10:14,706 --> 01:10:16,621 Trainee. Thank you, Bedlam. 1151 01:10:16,665 --> 01:10:19,015 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 1152 01:10:19,059 --> 01:10:20,669 in the group's name. 1153 01:10:20,712 --> 01:10:22,758 X-Men! Men! 1154 01:10:22,801 --> 01:10:25,804 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 1155 01:10:25,848 --> 01:10:27,154 Gender neutral. 1156 01:10:27,197 --> 01:10:29,504 From now on, we'll be known as... 1157 01:10:31,767 --> 01:10:33,116 X-Force. 1158 01:10:33,160 --> 01:10:34,944 Isn't that a little derivative? 1159 01:10:34,988 --> 01:10:37,381 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 1160 01:10:38,643 --> 01:10:40,080 That wasn't me. 1161 01:10:47,130 --> 01:10:49,480 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 1162 01:10:49,524 --> 01:10:51,352 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 1163 01:10:51,395 --> 01:10:52,503 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 1164 01:10:52,527 --> 01:10:54,398 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 1165 01:10:54,442 --> 01:10:55,573 Yeah! 1166 01:10:55,617 --> 01:10:57,314 I can't wait to kill! 1167 01:10:57,358 --> 01:11:00,100 Hey! Hey! Hey! 1168 01:11:00,143 --> 01:11:02,841 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 1169 01:11:02,885 --> 01:11:05,757 You know, you guys look amazing! 1170 01:11:05,801 --> 01:11:08,673 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 1171 01:11:08,717 --> 01:11:09,848 This is the family 1172 01:11:09,892 --> 01:11:11,572 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 1173 01:11:12,329 --> 01:11:13,417 Ah, shit. 1174 01:11:15,028 --> 01:11:16,725 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 1175 01:11:16,768 --> 01:11:18,596 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 1176 01:11:18,640 --> 01:11:19,989 about the high winds? 1177 01:11:20,033 --> 01:11:21,382 Gary. My name's Peter. 1178 01:11:21,425 --> 01:11:23,340 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 1179 01:11:23,384 --> 01:11:25,038 You've been chosen by a higher power. 1180 01:11:25,081 --> 01:11:27,388 Did he just call himself God? I think he did. 1181 01:11:27,431 --> 01:11:28,998 I'd like to go home. And I'd like... 1182 01:11:29,042 --> 01:11:31,566 the McRib to be available year round, 1183 01:11:31,609 --> 01:11:33,437 but sometimes dreams don't come true. 1184 01:11:33,481 --> 01:11:35,657 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 1185 01:11:35,700 --> 01:11:36,851 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 1186 01:11:36,875 --> 01:11:38,834 because of a light breeze? 1187 01:11:38,877 --> 01:11:41,141 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 1188 01:11:41,184 --> 01:11:43,162 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 1189 01:11:43,186 --> 01:11:45,493 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 1190 01:11:45,536 --> 01:11:47,756 Leonard, hit it! 1191 01:11:56,460 --> 01:11:58,506 Go! Go! Go! 1192 01:12:34,194 --> 01:12:35,630 Let's get some! 1193 01:12:35,673 --> 01:12:36,848 Whoo! 1194 01:12:36,892 --> 01:12:38,067 Oh, yeah! 1195 01:12:38,111 --> 01:12:40,939 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 1196 01:12:41,984 --> 01:12:43,464 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 1197 01:12:43,507 --> 01:12:44,769 Whoa! 1198 01:12:50,036 --> 01:12:51,950 Little off course here. 1199 01:12:54,127 --> 01:12:56,955 Holy mommy fucking shit! 1200 01:12:57,695 --> 01:12:59,132 Ah, there they are. 1201 01:12:59,175 --> 01:13:02,787 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 1202 01:13:02,831 --> 01:13:04,746 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 1203 01:13:09,838 --> 01:13:14,103 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 1204 01:13:14,147 --> 01:13:17,237 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 1205 01:13:18,020 --> 01:13:19,065 Left! 1206 01:13:19,108 --> 01:13:20,457 Left! 1207 01:13:20,501 --> 01:13:22,764 You'd have to be insane to take off in this. 1208 01:13:22,807 --> 01:13:25,027 No, stage left, you idiot! 1209 01:13:28,944 --> 01:13:30,467 Well, I guess we found something 1210 01:13:30,511 --> 01:13:31,599 you're not better at. 1211 01:13:33,818 --> 01:13:35,124 Vanisher. 1212 01:13:35,168 --> 01:13:36,952 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1213 01:13:40,086 --> 01:13:41,522 Oh! Really? 1214 01:13:41,565 --> 01:13:43,915 All right, we could do this with four. 1215 01:13:43,959 --> 01:13:46,962 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1216 01:13:47,005 --> 01:13:49,095 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1217 01:13:50,313 --> 01:13:52,402 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1218 01:13:52,446 --> 01:13:54,012 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1219 01:13:54,056 --> 01:13:55,231 We did it! 1220 01:13:55,275 --> 01:13:56,841 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1221 01:13:56,885 --> 01:13:57,973 X-Force! 1222 01:13:58,582 --> 01:13:59,670 X-Force. 1223 01:14:04,066 --> 01:14:05,937 Oh! 1224 01:14:09,637 --> 01:14:10,681 Peter. 1225 01:14:10,725 --> 01:14:12,030 I got you, buddy! 1226 01:14:12,074 --> 01:14:13,269 You're gonna be fine! This is not good, man! 1227 01:14:13,293 --> 01:14:15,599 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1228 01:14:15,643 --> 01:14:17,123 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1229 01:14:17,166 --> 01:14:19,255 Yeah, we're X-Force. We're X-Force. 1230 01:14:23,303 --> 01:14:25,348 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 1231 01:14:25,392 --> 01:14:27,394 Fucking acidic vomit! 1232 01:14:28,960 --> 01:14:31,746 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1233 01:14:34,836 --> 01:14:37,230 Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1234 01:14:37,273 --> 01:14:39,710 Where did the rest of the team land? 1235 01:14:39,754 --> 01:14:41,408 Good news and bad news. 1236 01:14:41,451 --> 01:14:44,585 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1237 01:14:44,628 --> 01:14:45,934 The good news is, 1238 01:14:45,977 --> 01:14:47,805 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1239 01:14:47,849 --> 01:14:51,200 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1240 01:14:51,244 --> 01:14:52,245 Peter! 1241 01:14:52,288 --> 01:14:53,768 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1242 01:14:53,811 --> 01:14:54,943 But there is a slight chance 1243 01:14:54,986 --> 01:14:56,336 Vanisher could make it. 1244 01:14:56,379 --> 01:14:58,990 Nope, no chance. He's dead. 1245 01:14:59,034 --> 01:15:00,209 The whole team? 1246 01:15:00,253 --> 01:15:02,124 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1247 01:15:02,168 --> 01:15:03,430 Fuck, you are dumb. 1248 01:15:03,473 --> 01:15:05,127 Whoever planned this stunt's 1249 01:15:05,171 --> 01:15:07,347 been smoking a lot jazz cabbage. 1250 01:15:07,390 --> 01:15:08,522 I'll tell you that much. 1251 01:15:08,565 --> 01:15:10,219 That's pretty obvious! 1252 01:15:10,263 --> 01:15:12,003 Looking good, Vanisher. 1253 01:15:21,839 --> 01:15:23,711 They're headed into the tunnel. 1254 01:15:24,712 --> 01:15:26,192 I'm that kid's only hope, 1255 01:15:26,235 --> 01:15:28,106 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1256 01:15:28,846 --> 01:15:30,152 Whatever. 1257 01:15:30,196 --> 01:15:31,719 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 1258 01:15:31,762 --> 01:15:34,156 Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1259 01:15:34,200 --> 01:15:36,724 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 1260 01:15:36,767 --> 01:15:39,857 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 1261 01:15:42,947 --> 01:15:45,602 Seriously, I don't get it! 1262 01:15:45,646 --> 01:15:48,126 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1263 01:15:50,303 --> 01:15:52,130 It's just it's hard to picture. 1264 01:15:52,174 --> 01:15:54,263 And certainly not very cinematic. 1265 01:15:56,961 --> 01:15:58,572 I mean, luck? 1266 01:15:58,615 --> 01:16:01,183 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking 1267 01:16:01,227 --> 01:16:02,576 freakshow comic book artist... 1268 01:16:02,619 --> 01:16:04,273 came up with that little chestnut? 1269 01:16:04,317 --> 01:16:06,580 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1270 01:16:17,678 --> 01:16:20,985 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1271 01:16:21,029 --> 01:16:22,267 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1272 01:16:22,291 --> 01:16:23,312 Wander the Earth... I'm in. 1273 01:16:23,336 --> 01:16:24,859 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1274 01:16:24,902 --> 01:16:26,034 I'm in. 1275 01:16:26,077 --> 01:16:27,949 How in the fuck are you in already? 1276 01:16:28,384 --> 01:16:30,212 Oh, shit. 1277 01:16:30,256 --> 01:16:31,474 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1278 01:16:31,518 --> 01:16:32,649 Okay. 1279 01:16:32,693 --> 01:16:35,130 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1280 01:16:35,173 --> 01:16:37,915 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1281 01:16:37,959 --> 01:16:39,569 I'm coming up on your six. 1282 01:16:47,838 --> 01:16:49,884 That gun is amazing! 1283 01:16:59,023 --> 01:17:01,069 Hey! Asshole! 1284 01:17:01,112 --> 01:17:02,723 Where is he? I can't see him. 1285 01:17:02,766 --> 01:17:04,507 He's on top of you. 1286 01:17:04,551 --> 01:17:06,422 He's tearing you open! 1287 01:17:06,466 --> 01:17:08,381 He's going in through the back! 1288 01:17:08,424 --> 01:17:09,556 Oh, God, he's inside! 1289 01:17:09,599 --> 01:17:10,905 You hear yourself, right? 1290 01:17:10,948 --> 01:17:12,404 Accidental double entendres! 1291 01:17:12,428 --> 01:17:14,952 Russell! Russell Collins! 1292 01:17:14,996 --> 01:17:16,911 Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1293 01:17:21,916 --> 01:17:22,917 No, no, no! 1294 01:17:27,269 --> 01:17:28,357 Shit! 1295 01:17:50,336 --> 01:17:52,250 Two can play that game! 1296 01:17:54,383 --> 01:17:56,211 Got it! No, I don't. 1297 01:17:57,212 --> 01:17:58,256 Showtime, mama! 1298 01:17:58,300 --> 01:17:59,910 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1299 01:18:37,731 --> 01:18:39,535 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 1300 01:18:39,559 --> 01:18:41,648 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 1301 01:18:58,229 --> 01:18:59,230 Hang in there, Doms! 1302 01:19:00,536 --> 01:19:02,233 Oh, this is really hard. 1303 01:19:14,507 --> 01:19:15,907 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1304 01:19:19,425 --> 01:19:20,948 You're doing great.X-Force. 1305 01:19:22,906 --> 01:19:24,952 I guess dubstep never dies. 1306 01:19:29,217 --> 01:19:30,261 Whoo! 1307 01:19:37,268 --> 01:19:39,923 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 1308 01:19:42,709 --> 01:19:43,840 That's unfortunate. 1309 01:19:46,974 --> 01:19:48,366 We got no brakes! 1310 01:19:48,410 --> 01:19:49,629 Figure it out! 1311 01:19:54,024 --> 01:19:55,548 There's nothing I can't kill. 1312 01:19:58,376 --> 01:20:00,901 Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... 1313 01:20:00,944 --> 01:20:03,294 "There's a first time for everything, son." 1314 01:20:04,992 --> 01:20:06,559 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1315 01:20:21,443 --> 01:20:23,358 Those bullets were, like, super fast. 1316 01:20:23,924 --> 01:20:24,925 Here we go. 1317 01:20:26,013 --> 01:20:28,276 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1318 01:20:28,319 --> 01:20:30,452 Here goes nothing. 1319 01:21:01,614 --> 01:21:03,354 Knock, knock. 1320 01:21:09,883 --> 01:21:10,927 That's my boy. 1321 01:21:17,325 --> 01:21:18,544 Holy... 1322 01:21:28,771 --> 01:21:30,425 I'll be first to admit... 1323 01:21:30,468 --> 01:21:32,819 this did not go according to plan. 1324 01:21:34,168 --> 01:21:35,735 I'll also be the first to admit that 1325 01:21:35,778 --> 01:21:37,650 that plan was written in crayon. 1326 01:21:37,693 --> 01:21:40,957 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 1327 01:21:41,001 --> 01:21:42,611 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1328 01:21:42,655 --> 01:21:45,571 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1329 01:21:45,614 --> 01:21:48,878 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1330 01:21:48,922 --> 01:21:50,140 A mood that is 1331 01:21:50,184 --> 01:21:51,968 about to get significantly worse. 1332 01:22:15,731 --> 01:22:18,168 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1333 01:22:21,128 --> 01:22:22,608 Oh. 1334 01:22:24,392 --> 01:22:26,046 Oh, God, that hurt. 1335 01:22:26,089 --> 01:22:27,700 Suck it, Mel Gibson. 1336 01:22:31,268 --> 01:22:32,356 Russell. 1337 01:22:35,055 --> 01:22:36,143 Russell! 1338 01:22:36,752 --> 01:22:38,841 Russ, where are ya? 1339 01:22:42,497 --> 01:22:44,673 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1340 01:22:44,717 --> 01:22:48,155 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 1341 01:22:48,198 --> 01:22:49,547 Juggernaut! 1342 01:22:50,723 --> 01:22:52,768 I thought that was you! 1343 01:22:52,812 --> 01:22:55,641 I should've worn my white pants. 1344 01:22:55,684 --> 01:22:59,514 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1345 01:22:59,557 --> 01:23:02,865 Uncanny X-Men183. Thor411. 1346 01:23:02,909 --> 01:23:04,258 X-Men Unlimited12. 1347 01:23:04,301 --> 01:23:06,434 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1348 01:23:06,477 --> 01:23:08,262 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1349 01:23:08,305 --> 01:23:10,525 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1350 01:23:10,568 --> 01:23:12,353 I don't mean right now. 1351 01:23:12,396 --> 01:23:14,311 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1352 01:23:14,355 --> 01:23:16,705 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1353 01:23:20,753 --> 01:23:24,800 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1354 01:23:24,844 --> 01:23:25,932 I can't feel... 1355 01:23:26,889 --> 01:23:28,412 Oh, no, they're right here. 1356 01:23:29,239 --> 01:23:31,024 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1357 01:23:31,067 --> 01:23:33,417 I have a mission. 1358 01:23:33,461 --> 01:23:35,028 To get my revenge. 1359 01:23:35,071 --> 01:23:37,378 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1360 01:23:37,421 --> 01:23:39,641 You're not the revenge type. 1361 01:23:39,685 --> 01:23:41,208 Take it from a friend. 1362 01:23:41,251 --> 01:23:45,081 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1363 01:23:45,125 --> 01:23:47,301 You said it yourself. 1364 01:23:47,344 --> 01:23:50,043 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1365 01:23:50,086 --> 01:23:51,522 So I did. 1366 01:23:53,046 --> 01:23:55,222 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1367 01:23:55,265 --> 01:23:59,269 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1368 01:23:59,313 --> 01:24:01,184 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, 1369 01:24:01,228 --> 01:24:03,665 I care about you, Russell. 1370 01:24:03,709 --> 01:24:05,798 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1371 01:24:05,841 --> 01:24:09,540 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1372 01:24:09,584 --> 01:24:12,369 Legs! Still hurts to hear out loud! 1373 01:24:14,545 --> 01:24:17,505 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1374 01:24:17,548 --> 01:24:19,855 You get back here, young man! 1375 01:24:20,813 --> 01:24:22,292 Doms! 1376 01:24:22,336 --> 01:24:24,555 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1377 01:24:24,599 --> 01:24:26,993 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1378 01:24:29,735 --> 01:24:30,823 I think we may have found 1379 01:24:30,866 --> 01:24:33,042 your cosmic reason for being here. 1380 01:24:33,086 --> 01:24:34,870 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1381 01:24:34,914 --> 01:24:36,176 X-Force. 1382 01:24:49,711 --> 01:24:51,539 No child is hopeless. 1383 01:24:51,582 --> 01:24:55,064 Don't give up on the boy. How could he just walk away? 1384 01:24:55,108 --> 01:24:57,806 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1385 01:24:57,850 --> 01:24:59,416 You should've heard it. 1386 01:25:01,331 --> 01:25:03,638 I guess family really is an F-word. 1387 01:25:04,552 --> 01:25:06,772 Rub my legs, Mama. 1388 01:25:06,815 --> 01:25:08,208 Why would I rub your legs? 1389 01:25:08,251 --> 01:25:11,167 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1390 01:25:14,301 --> 01:25:15,955 What in the... 1391 01:25:15,998 --> 01:25:18,740 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1392 01:25:18,784 --> 01:25:20,611 That's not my hand. 1393 01:25:20,655 --> 01:25:23,005 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1394 01:25:23,049 --> 01:25:24,964 That was nice for me. 1395 01:25:25,007 --> 01:25:27,836 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1396 01:25:32,275 --> 01:25:34,582 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1397 01:25:34,625 --> 01:25:36,845 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1398 01:25:36,889 --> 01:25:38,847 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1399 01:25:38,891 --> 01:25:40,893 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, 1400 01:25:40,936 --> 01:25:42,416 toddler-style. 1401 01:25:42,459 --> 01:25:44,418 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1402 01:25:44,461 --> 01:25:46,463 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1403 01:25:46,507 --> 01:25:47,789 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1404 01:25:47,813 --> 01:25:49,423 It's like, um... Here we go. 1405 01:25:49,466 --> 01:25:50,748 It's like he was giving birth anally, 1406 01:25:50,772 --> 01:25:52,295 but they quit halfway through. 1407 01:25:52,339 --> 01:25:53,490 They got the legs out, and they said, 1408 01:25:53,514 --> 01:25:54,863 "You know what, I'm done." 1409 01:25:54,907 --> 01:25:56,169 Happy? 1410 01:25:56,212 --> 01:25:57,320 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1411 01:25:57,344 --> 01:25:58,519 But this time, you can see 1412 01:25:58,562 --> 01:25:59,999 the Muppet's dick. 1413 01:26:00,042 --> 01:26:01,565 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1414 01:26:01,609 --> 01:26:02,804 Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1415 01:26:02,828 --> 01:26:04,428 I've had three tickets already. 1416 01:26:05,918 --> 01:26:08,703 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1417 01:26:08,746 --> 01:26:11,358 This has happened before? 1418 01:26:11,401 --> 01:26:12,901 Jesus! Either vomit or don't. 1419 01:26:12,925 --> 01:26:14,230 The indecision is killing me. 1420 01:26:14,274 --> 01:26:16,145 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1421 01:26:17,755 --> 01:26:19,932 Oh. Wow! 1422 01:26:19,975 --> 01:26:21,672 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1423 01:26:21,716 --> 01:26:23,674 I'm talking about your face. 1424 01:26:23,718 --> 01:26:25,633 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1425 01:26:25,676 --> 01:26:27,896 Jesus Christ! Looks like an avocado. 1426 01:26:27,940 --> 01:26:29,855 Your legs, though, they're cute. 1427 01:26:29,898 --> 01:26:31,682 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1428 01:26:33,249 --> 01:26:34,860 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1429 01:26:34,903 --> 01:26:37,601 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1430 01:26:37,645 --> 01:26:39,255 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1431 01:26:39,299 --> 01:26:41,649 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband... 1432 01:26:41,692 --> 01:26:42,931 beat me within an inch of my life. 1433 01:26:42,955 --> 01:26:44,304 He was torturing me! 1434 01:26:44,347 --> 01:26:47,220 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1435 01:26:47,263 --> 01:26:49,918 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1436 01:26:49,962 --> 01:26:51,113 So we can go after him without me. 1437 01:26:51,137 --> 01:26:52,529 No! 1438 01:26:52,573 --> 01:26:53,922 I'm doing this alone. 1439 01:26:53,966 --> 01:26:55,097 The Juggernaut 1440 01:26:55,141 --> 01:26:56,577 will kill you all. Fair enough. 1441 01:26:56,620 --> 01:26:58,511 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs 1442 01:26:58,535 --> 01:26:59,667 under me. What will you do? 1443 01:26:59,710 --> 01:27:01,036 I don't care what the kid did to me. 1444 01:27:01,060 --> 01:27:02,409 I ain't letting Cable get to him, 1445 01:27:02,452 --> 01:27:03,821 even if I have to teabag him to death. 1446 01:27:03,845 --> 01:27:05,891 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1447 01:27:05,934 --> 01:27:07,718 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1448 01:27:07,762 --> 01:27:08,826 The first order of business is 1449 01:27:08,850 --> 01:27:10,243 to get me in front of Cable... 1450 01:27:10,286 --> 01:27:11,698 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1451 01:27:11,722 --> 01:27:14,073 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1452 01:27:14,116 --> 01:27:15,944 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1453 01:27:15,988 --> 01:27:19,034 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1454 01:27:20,644 --> 01:27:22,244 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1455 01:27:30,916 --> 01:27:32,918 What in the ass? 1456 01:27:32,961 --> 01:27:36,269 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1457 01:27:36,312 --> 01:27:39,359 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1458 01:27:39,402 --> 01:27:41,927 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1459 01:27:44,190 --> 01:27:46,975 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1460 01:27:47,019 --> 01:27:48,759 What can we help you with? 1461 01:27:48,803 --> 01:27:50,457 I'm here to proposition you. 1462 01:27:51,980 --> 01:27:53,068 Oh, boy! 1463 01:27:53,112 --> 01:27:54,176 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1464 01:27:54,200 --> 01:27:56,332 Who gets to make the first joke? 1465 01:27:56,376 --> 01:27:57,744 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1466 01:27:57,768 --> 01:27:58,813 Good call. 1467 01:27:58,856 --> 01:28:00,423 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1468 01:28:00,467 --> 01:28:01,705 I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1469 01:28:01,729 --> 01:28:02,860 Fuck! 1470 01:28:02,904 --> 01:28:04,012 The Proposition has a wonderful 1471 01:28:04,036 --> 01:28:05,341 Guy Pearce performance. 1472 01:28:05,385 --> 01:28:07,145 Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1473 01:28:07,169 --> 01:28:09,780 Give us the line again. I need your help! 1474 01:28:09,824 --> 01:28:12,131 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1475 01:28:12,174 --> 01:28:15,308 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1476 01:28:15,351 --> 01:28:17,745 I can't bring him down alone. 1477 01:28:17,788 --> 01:28:19,312 So here we are. 1478 01:28:20,661 --> 01:28:22,445 We're no longer accepting applications 1479 01:28:22,489 --> 01:28:23,925 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1480 01:28:23,969 --> 01:28:25,405 Even if we were... 1481 01:28:25,448 --> 01:28:27,122 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1482 01:28:27,146 --> 01:28:28,408 We don't have a lot of time. 1483 01:28:28,451 --> 01:28:30,192 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1484 01:28:30,236 --> 01:28:31,759 No offense, but if you know so much... 1485 01:28:31,802 --> 01:28:34,675 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1486 01:28:34,718 --> 01:28:35,782 Or better yet, head back a little further, 1487 01:28:35,806 --> 01:28:36,894 kill baby Hitler. 1488 01:28:36,938 --> 01:28:38,896 I use a device to slide through time. 1489 01:28:38,940 --> 01:28:41,595 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1490 01:28:41,638 --> 01:28:44,250 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1491 01:28:44,293 --> 01:28:45,468 one to get me home. 1492 01:28:45,512 --> 01:28:46,687 Well. 1493 01:28:46,730 --> 01:28:48,645 That's just lazy writing. 1494 01:28:48,689 --> 01:28:49,971 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1495 01:28:49,995 --> 01:28:51,561 of the orphanage tonight. 1496 01:28:51,605 --> 01:28:53,737 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1497 01:28:53,781 --> 01:28:56,523 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1498 01:28:56,566 --> 01:28:58,568 So he keeps killing... 1499 01:28:58,612 --> 01:29:00,092 and killing, and killing, 1500 01:29:00,135 --> 01:29:01,658 and killing. 1501 01:29:01,702 --> 01:29:04,922 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1502 01:29:07,490 --> 01:29:08,883 My people. 1503 01:29:12,800 --> 01:29:14,062 Relax. 1504 01:29:14,106 --> 01:29:16,499 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1505 01:29:16,543 --> 01:29:19,111 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1506 01:29:19,154 --> 01:29:21,765 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1507 01:29:21,809 --> 01:29:23,463 The difference is night and day. 1508 01:29:25,291 --> 01:29:27,554 You remind me of my wife. 1509 01:29:27,597 --> 01:29:29,077 I'm sorry. 1510 01:29:29,121 --> 01:29:30,228 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1511 01:29:30,252 --> 01:29:31,612 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1512 01:29:31,645 --> 01:29:34,430 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1513 01:29:34,474 --> 01:29:35,649 She always struggled. 1514 01:29:36,780 --> 01:29:38,217 But she was funny... 1515 01:29:38,260 --> 01:29:41,611 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1516 01:29:41,655 --> 01:29:43,874 Something I could never master. 1517 01:29:44,788 --> 01:29:47,008 It was my fault she died. 1518 01:29:48,618 --> 01:29:52,274 It was my job to stop people like him. 1519 01:29:52,318 --> 01:29:54,276 I came close a few times. 1520 01:29:58,498 --> 01:30:00,152 He wasn't too happy about that. 1521 01:30:01,892 --> 01:30:03,068 He was trying to hurt me... 1522 01:30:03,111 --> 01:30:05,070 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1523 01:30:09,117 --> 01:30:10,814 Blessed are the wicked 1524 01:30:10,858 --> 01:30:12,425 who are healed by my hand. 1525 01:30:15,558 --> 01:30:17,908 He came into my home... 1526 01:30:17,952 --> 01:30:20,824 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1527 01:30:25,046 --> 01:30:26,395 Sound familiar? 1528 01:30:27,440 --> 01:30:29,094 I'm sorry.Uh-huh. 1529 01:30:29,137 --> 01:30:30,791 No, I'm really sorry. 1530 01:30:33,010 --> 01:30:35,143 But that isn't Russell. 1531 01:30:35,187 --> 01:30:37,121 It doesn't have to be him. If you knew what I knew... 1532 01:30:37,145 --> 01:30:39,147 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1533 01:30:39,191 --> 01:30:40,757 maybe a small learning disability... 1534 01:30:40,801 --> 01:30:42,194 splash of diabetes... 1535 01:30:42,237 --> 01:30:43,586 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1536 01:30:43,630 --> 01:30:45,284 If you could go back... 1537 01:30:45,327 --> 01:30:48,025 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1538 01:30:48,287 --> 01:30:49,549 No. 1539 01:30:49,592 --> 01:30:51,333 I'd buy them all a bouquet of hand jobs. 1540 01:30:51,377 --> 01:30:53,118 Of course I fucking would! 1541 01:30:53,901 --> 01:30:55,032 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1542 01:30:55,076 --> 01:30:57,122 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1543 01:30:57,165 --> 01:30:58,732 I'll kill the kid. 1544 01:30:58,775 --> 01:31:02,257 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1545 01:31:02,301 --> 01:31:04,651 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1546 01:31:04,694 --> 01:31:06,740 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1547 01:31:06,783 --> 01:31:09,046 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1548 01:31:10,047 --> 01:31:13,225 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1549 01:31:13,268 --> 01:31:15,009 Give me a chance to save him. 1550 01:31:15,052 --> 01:31:16,489 What? You said... 1551 01:31:16,532 --> 01:31:18,206 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1552 01:31:18,230 --> 01:31:20,580 If we can get to him before that happens... 1553 01:31:20,623 --> 01:31:22,277 promise you'll give me a chance 1554 01:31:22,321 --> 01:31:24,192 to put him on a different path. 1555 01:31:24,236 --> 01:31:25,411 Define "chance." 1556 01:31:25,454 --> 01:31:26,692 I don't know. How long does it take 1557 01:31:26,716 --> 01:31:28,085 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1558 01:31:28,109 --> 01:31:29,371 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1559 01:31:29,415 --> 01:31:31,460 What? No! Best I can do. 1560 01:31:31,504 --> 01:31:32,809 Take it or leave it. 1561 01:31:43,255 --> 01:31:44,734 He's doing it! 1562 01:31:44,778 --> 01:31:46,388 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1563 01:31:46,432 --> 01:31:48,390 There he goes. 1564 01:31:48,434 --> 01:31:49,913 Jesus Christ! 1565 01:31:49,957 --> 01:31:51,437 Just shirt-cocking it. 1566 01:31:51,480 --> 01:31:53,395 Ugh. 1567 01:31:53,439 --> 01:31:54,799 There you go, little fella. 1568 01:31:55,528 --> 01:31:57,225 Go on, you're doing it! 1569 01:31:57,269 --> 01:32:00,141 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1570 01:32:02,317 --> 01:32:03,449 Christ! 1571 01:32:03,492 --> 01:32:05,190 That's disturbing. 1572 01:32:05,233 --> 01:32:06,626 30 seconds. 1573 01:32:12,022 --> 01:32:13,502 Deal.Deal. 1574 01:32:19,943 --> 01:32:23,033 Man, that sucks they didn't have anything in your size. 1575 01:32:23,077 --> 01:32:25,079 I really wanted to match, you know? 1576 01:32:25,122 --> 01:32:27,168 Being a menacing team. 1577 01:32:27,212 --> 01:32:28,387 Oh, man, it sucks. 1578 01:32:28,430 --> 01:32:30,302 That was some cold-ass shit, kid. 1579 01:32:31,694 --> 01:32:34,262 And that is just the first five steps 1580 01:32:34,306 --> 01:32:36,003 to a prostate-assisted orgasm. 1581 01:32:36,917 --> 01:32:38,353 Where the hell are we going? 1582 01:32:38,397 --> 01:32:39,746 You said it yourself. 1583 01:32:39,789 --> 01:32:42,705 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1584 01:32:42,749 --> 01:32:45,708 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1585 01:32:49,843 --> 01:32:51,453 Can you turn off the music? 1586 01:32:52,454 --> 01:32:54,587 You'll do no such thing. 1587 01:32:54,630 --> 01:32:56,502 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1588 01:32:56,545 --> 01:32:58,286 I'm sorry? Apology accepted. 1589 01:32:58,330 --> 01:33:00,419 This is a side of you I do not like. 1590 01:33:00,462 --> 01:33:01,811 Let me guess, 1591 01:33:01,855 --> 01:33:03,354 some of your best friends in the future are Indian. 1592 01:33:03,378 --> 01:33:04,640 What the hell are you...? 1593 01:33:04,684 --> 01:33:06,555 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1594 01:33:06,599 --> 01:33:07,904 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1595 01:33:07,948 --> 01:33:09,515 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1596 01:33:09,558 --> 01:33:11,604 That's precisely what a racist would say. 1597 01:33:11,647 --> 01:33:13,301 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1598 01:33:13,345 --> 01:33:14,607 And that's a twist. 1599 01:33:14,650 --> 01:33:16,173 When this is over... 1600 01:33:16,217 --> 01:33:18,108 I'm going to fuck you to death with your own broken feet. 1601 01:33:18,132 --> 01:33:20,308 And a sexual predator, too. That's rich. 1602 01:33:20,352 --> 01:33:21,744 I should have finished college. 1603 01:33:21,788 --> 01:33:22,939 So what exactly do you 1604 01:33:22,963 --> 01:33:24,027 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1605 01:33:24,051 --> 01:33:25,313 Some kind of soldier? 1606 01:33:25,357 --> 01:33:27,184 Yeah, something like that. 1607 01:33:27,228 --> 01:33:29,404 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1608 01:33:29,448 --> 01:33:32,146 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1609 01:33:32,189 --> 01:33:34,191 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1610 01:33:34,235 --> 01:33:36,629 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1611 01:33:36,672 --> 01:33:38,283 Boom! 1612 01:33:38,326 --> 01:33:39,588 Spoiler alert. 1613 01:33:40,807 --> 01:33:42,156 Planets. 1614 01:33:42,199 --> 01:33:43,766 Next time, Uber. 1615 01:33:43,810 --> 01:33:45,115 Here's a spoiler alert. 1616 01:33:46,291 --> 01:33:48,249 You're not a fucking hero. 1617 01:33:48,293 --> 01:33:52,340 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1618 01:33:52,384 --> 01:33:53,578 Well, I got news for you. 1619 01:33:53,602 --> 01:33:54,951 My heart is in the right place. 1620 01:33:54,995 --> 01:33:56,518 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1621 01:33:56,562 --> 01:33:58,540 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1622 01:33:58,564 --> 01:33:59,652 We're all going to die. 1623 01:33:59,695 --> 01:34:00,957 Because of you, I'll always know 1624 01:34:01,001 --> 01:34:02,959 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1625 01:34:03,003 --> 01:34:05,397 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1626 01:34:05,440 --> 01:34:06,615 God, I wish this were a bus 1627 01:34:06,659 --> 01:34:07,853 where I could pull the string and get out. 1628 01:34:07,877 --> 01:34:09,531 It's a good thing Cable's not driving, 1629 01:34:09,575 --> 01:34:10,793 or you'd be in the back. 1630 01:34:10,837 --> 01:34:13,187 - I am in the back. - Right here! 1631 01:34:31,336 --> 01:34:33,381 I made mistakes! 1632 01:34:33,425 --> 01:34:35,122 I wanna take them back! 1633 01:34:35,165 --> 01:34:38,125 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1634 01:34:38,168 --> 01:34:39,605 and turned it into a glory hole 1635 01:34:39,648 --> 01:34:41,215 in an airport bathroom. 1636 01:34:41,258 --> 01:34:44,523 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1637 01:34:44,566 --> 01:34:47,177 But even you know I'm not a complete piece of shit. 1638 01:34:47,221 --> 01:34:48,744 I was once an X-Man. 1639 01:34:48,788 --> 01:34:49,832 Trainee! 1640 01:34:54,489 --> 01:34:57,057 You're still using my Velcro labels. Aw. 1641 01:34:57,100 --> 01:34:58,711 They do stick better than tape. 1642 01:34:58,754 --> 01:34:59,799 Hi, Wade! 1643 01:34:59,842 --> 01:35:01,278 Please don't. 1644 01:35:01,322 --> 01:35:03,716 Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick. 1645 01:35:03,759 --> 01:35:05,021 Right. Quick. 1646 01:35:05,065 --> 01:35:06,782 It's the kid. Just like you, I let him down. 1647 01:35:06,806 --> 01:35:08,242 And just like me, 1648 01:35:08,285 --> 01:35:09,437 he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him... 1649 01:35:09,461 --> 01:35:10,481 because the whole world wrote him off 1650 01:35:10,505 --> 01:35:11,941 as a piece of shit a long time ago. 1651 01:35:11,985 --> 01:35:13,682 Look, he's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1652 01:35:13,726 --> 01:35:15,249 The Juggernaut! 1653 01:35:15,292 --> 01:35:17,053 Who's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever... 1654 01:35:17,077 --> 01:35:19,296 And hi, Yukio! That was really nice of you to say hi... 1655 01:35:19,340 --> 01:35:20,689 so I'm saying hi back. 1656 01:35:20,733 --> 01:35:22,125 You guys make a super cute couple. 1657 01:35:22,169 --> 01:35:23,866 Yeah. Where was I? 1658 01:35:23,910 --> 01:35:25,781 Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes... 1659 01:35:25,825 --> 01:35:27,522 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1660 01:35:27,566 --> 01:35:29,406 And like a lot of dicks, he's hard as a rock... 1661 01:35:29,437 --> 01:35:30,830 and causes nothing but problems! 1662 01:35:30,873 --> 01:35:33,746 Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can. 1663 01:35:33,789 --> 01:35:37,010 Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you? 1664 01:35:37,053 --> 01:35:39,142 I would be disgraced. 1665 01:35:39,186 --> 01:35:41,231 You are a criminal, a fugitive. 1666 01:35:41,275 --> 01:35:42,798 But worst of all... 1667 01:35:42,842 --> 01:35:44,583 you broke my heart, Wade. 1668 01:35:46,280 --> 01:35:47,499 Then you know what? 1669 01:35:47,542 --> 01:35:49,142 Your heart's in the wrong place, big guy. 1670 01:35:50,197 --> 01:35:52,895 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1671 01:35:52,939 --> 01:35:56,333 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1672 01:35:56,377 --> 01:35:59,467 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin... 1673 01:35:59,511 --> 01:36:01,643 while we go get our fuck on! 1674 01:36:04,820 --> 01:36:06,213 You're doing great. 1675 01:36:11,871 --> 01:36:13,414 So you wear that helmet because 1676 01:36:13,438 --> 01:36:15,178 your brother tries to read your mind? 1677 01:36:15,222 --> 01:36:18,486 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1678 01:36:18,530 --> 01:36:21,010 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1679 01:36:21,054 --> 01:36:23,012 And he's not alone. 1680 01:36:23,056 --> 01:36:24,710 Secure the children. 1681 01:36:27,147 --> 01:36:29,889 They will not replace us. 1682 01:36:29,932 --> 01:36:32,718 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1683 01:36:32,761 --> 01:36:36,591 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1684 01:36:39,942 --> 01:36:42,554 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1685 01:36:42,597 --> 01:36:44,164 Amen, brother. 1686 01:36:50,692 --> 01:36:52,346 Time to make the chimichangas. 1687 01:36:52,389 --> 01:36:54,566 30 seconds. 1688 01:36:54,609 --> 01:36:57,133 I finally know why I'm here. 1689 01:36:57,177 --> 01:36:59,135 I was raised in this place. 1690 01:36:59,179 --> 01:37:01,442 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1691 01:37:01,486 --> 01:37:04,358 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1692 01:37:04,401 --> 01:37:05,707 Shall we? This is gonna be fun. 1693 01:37:05,751 --> 01:37:06,839 Yeah! 1694 01:37:06,882 --> 01:37:08,275 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1695 01:37:08,318 --> 01:37:11,583 what's with the dirty, disgusting hobo bear? 1696 01:37:11,626 --> 01:37:14,803 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1697 01:37:14,847 --> 01:37:17,545 Are You Bear, God? It's Me, Margaret. 1698 01:37:17,589 --> 01:37:19,025 Give me some. 1699 01:37:19,068 --> 01:37:20,635 They say laughter heals anything... 1700 01:37:20,679 --> 01:37:21,810 except, of course, that. 1701 01:37:21,854 --> 01:37:23,072 We should just cue the music. 1702 01:37:48,228 --> 01:37:50,926 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1703 01:37:52,145 --> 01:37:53,189 Russell! 1704 01:37:53,233 --> 01:37:56,628 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1705 01:37:56,671 --> 01:37:58,191 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1706 01:38:02,329 --> 01:38:03,591 That's why! 1707 01:38:03,635 --> 01:38:04,960 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1708 01:38:04,984 --> 01:38:06,701 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1709 01:38:06,725 --> 01:38:09,205 Hey! 1710 01:38:09,249 --> 01:38:12,382 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1711 01:38:13,514 --> 01:38:15,690 My body and my hands are so soft. 1712 01:38:15,734 --> 01:38:16,972 You should probably head back to the car. 1713 01:38:16,996 --> 01:38:18,693 I think I'll head back to the car. 1714 01:38:19,868 --> 01:38:22,567 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1715 01:38:25,482 --> 01:38:26,745 That gun is amazing! 1716 01:38:28,094 --> 01:38:29,312 Say it! 1717 01:38:31,488 --> 01:38:34,535 You are an abomination! 1718 01:38:41,803 --> 01:38:45,111 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1719 01:38:45,154 --> 01:38:47,592 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1720 01:38:51,944 --> 01:38:53,032 Gotcha! 1721 01:38:53,815 --> 01:38:54,990 Beat it, midget! 1722 01:38:57,993 --> 01:39:01,083 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1723 01:39:01,127 --> 01:39:02,215 Oh, shit fuck! 1724 01:39:16,098 --> 01:39:17,665 Come here, beautiful. 1725 01:39:25,455 --> 01:39:26,587 Whoo! 1726 01:39:35,770 --> 01:39:36,858 Say it! 1727 01:41:00,333 --> 01:41:01,464 You came for me. 1728 01:41:01,508 --> 01:41:02,944 I'm not giving up on you, 1729 01:41:02,988 --> 01:41:05,120 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1730 01:41:05,164 --> 01:41:07,209 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1731 01:41:07,253 --> 01:41:09,646 It's time to fight dirty. 1732 01:41:09,690 --> 01:41:11,039 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1733 01:41:11,083 --> 01:41:13,868 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1734 01:41:13,912 --> 01:41:16,001 That's such a you thing to say! 1735 01:41:16,044 --> 01:41:18,003 Go get him, tiger! 1736 01:41:18,046 --> 01:41:19,918 Big CGI fight coming up! 1737 01:41:42,984 --> 01:41:44,377 He's doing great. 1738 01:41:44,420 --> 01:41:45,639 Say it! 1739 01:41:49,817 --> 01:41:51,210 - Russell. - Bingo! 1740 01:41:56,606 --> 01:41:58,608 You see that bus? 1741 01:41:58,652 --> 01:41:59,852 I'm gonna shove it up your ass. 1742 01:42:03,222 --> 01:42:05,180 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1743 01:42:06,094 --> 01:42:07,139 Oh, great! 1744 01:42:07,182 --> 01:42:08,594 There they are! Those freaks! 1745 01:42:08,618 --> 01:42:10,727 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1746 01:42:10,751 --> 01:42:12,884 Can I have one of those guns? 1747 01:42:12,927 --> 01:42:14,755 No.That's fine. 1748 01:42:14,799 --> 01:42:16,757 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1749 01:42:16,801 --> 01:42:17,961 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1750 01:42:18,541 --> 01:42:19,629 Maximum effort. 1751 01:42:25,679 --> 01:42:27,420 Who says you can't go home again? 1752 01:42:36,516 --> 01:42:37,909 Oh! 1753 01:42:44,567 --> 01:42:45,568 Yeah! 1754 01:42:47,788 --> 01:42:49,442 Say it. 1755 01:42:49,485 --> 01:42:52,532 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1756 01:42:53,054 --> 01:42:54,403 Say it! 1757 01:42:54,447 --> 01:42:57,145 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1758 01:42:58,364 --> 01:43:00,496 Blessed are the wicked... 1759 01:43:00,540 --> 01:43:01,758 who are healed... 1760 01:43:02,237 --> 01:43:03,760 by my hand. 1761 01:43:21,822 --> 01:43:23,519 You commie motherfucker! 1762 01:43:50,590 --> 01:43:53,114 Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1763 01:43:53,158 --> 01:43:55,377 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1764 01:43:58,250 --> 01:44:00,600 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1765 01:44:00,643 --> 01:44:01,862 Now we're getting it. 1766 01:44:06,562 --> 01:44:08,825 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1767 01:44:14,092 --> 01:44:15,136 Orphans. 1768 01:44:16,311 --> 01:44:17,530 Oh, geez. 1769 01:44:18,966 --> 01:44:21,664 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1770 01:44:21,708 --> 01:44:24,189 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1771 01:44:33,024 --> 01:44:34,068 Russell! Wait! 1772 01:44:40,074 --> 01:44:41,380 Oh! 1773 01:44:48,604 --> 01:44:50,737 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1774 01:44:50,780 --> 01:44:52,802 What more do you need to see? Don't you fucking dare! 1775 01:44:52,826 --> 01:44:54,001 He's just a kid! 1776 01:44:54,045 --> 01:44:55,960 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1777 01:45:08,668 --> 01:45:11,714 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1778 01:45:32,083 --> 01:45:34,737 I told you! Leave me alone! Come on! 1779 01:45:35,260 --> 01:45:36,391 Listen to me! 1780 01:45:59,632 --> 01:46:01,286 That's how we do it 1781 01:46:01,329 --> 01:46:02,809 in Mother Russia. 1782 01:46:05,029 --> 01:46:07,553 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1783 01:46:08,945 --> 01:46:12,166 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1784 01:46:13,472 --> 01:46:16,344 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1785 01:46:16,388 --> 01:46:18,216 Go home, Wade! 1786 01:46:18,259 --> 01:46:20,087 You're ruining everything! 1787 01:46:25,440 --> 01:46:26,789 I'm getting good at this shit. 1788 01:46:26,833 --> 01:46:28,139 Go, go, go! 1789 01:46:31,359 --> 01:46:33,318 He dies tonight, Wade. 1790 01:46:33,361 --> 01:46:35,842 You can't stop me! 1791 01:46:35,885 --> 01:46:37,757 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1792 01:46:37,800 --> 01:46:40,542 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1793 01:46:41,978 --> 01:46:43,458 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1794 01:46:43,502 --> 01:46:45,504 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1795 01:46:45,547 --> 01:46:47,027 I got this. 1796 01:46:47,071 --> 01:46:49,290 Russell! Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1797 01:46:49,334 --> 01:46:52,032 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1798 01:46:52,076 --> 01:46:53,729 That piece of shit... 1799 01:46:53,773 --> 01:46:55,514 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1800 01:46:55,557 --> 01:46:58,952 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1801 01:46:59,822 --> 01:47:01,607 But if you kill him, he wins. 1802 01:47:01,650 --> 01:47:05,524 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1803 01:47:05,567 --> 01:47:07,569 You're just a kid. 1804 01:47:07,613 --> 01:47:09,354 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1805 01:47:09,397 --> 01:47:10,659 How do you know what I want? 1806 01:47:10,703 --> 01:47:12,313 Because I've been inside you. 1807 01:47:13,009 --> 01:47:14,881 That came out wrong. 1808 01:47:14,924 --> 01:47:16,622 I've been inside your shoes. 1809 01:47:16,665 --> 01:47:18,537 Which is also off-putting. 1810 01:47:18,580 --> 01:47:20,060 It's not a great analogy. 1811 01:47:20,104 --> 01:47:21,931 The point is... 1812 01:47:21,975 --> 01:47:23,672 there are people... 1813 01:47:23,716 --> 01:47:26,762 There are people in this fucking world... 1814 01:47:26,806 --> 01:47:29,504 besides him, who will treat you right. 1815 01:47:29,548 --> 01:47:32,159 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1816 01:47:37,730 --> 01:47:40,124 I never should've left you there. 1817 01:47:41,864 --> 01:47:43,736 I never should've left you in that prison. 1818 01:47:50,830 --> 01:47:52,136 I can't trust you. 1819 01:47:53,833 --> 01:47:56,183 I can't trust anybody! 1820 01:48:05,410 --> 01:48:06,672 Wonderful kid. 1821 01:48:06,715 --> 01:48:08,500 You can't stop me, Wade! 1822 01:48:10,719 --> 01:48:12,982 I got one more idea. 1823 01:48:13,026 --> 01:48:15,942 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1824 01:48:15,985 --> 01:48:17,248 Wade, what are you doing? 1825 01:48:17,291 --> 01:48:19,598 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1826 01:48:19,641 --> 01:48:21,730 You're gonna kill someone today... 1827 01:48:21,774 --> 01:48:23,210 Blessed are the wicked... 1828 01:48:23,254 --> 01:48:25,169 ...then it's gotta be me. 1829 01:48:26,257 --> 01:48:28,172 ...who are healed by my hand! 1830 01:48:31,262 --> 01:48:33,699 Fuck this! 1831 01:49:34,412 --> 01:49:37,371 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1832 01:49:42,376 --> 01:49:43,899 Oh, that's not good. 1833 01:49:45,466 --> 01:49:46,902 No, sir. 1834 01:49:54,519 --> 01:49:57,435 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1835 01:49:57,870 --> 01:49:59,045 Yeah. 1836 01:49:59,088 --> 01:50:01,308 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1837 01:50:03,267 --> 01:50:05,356 I told you I care about you. 1838 01:50:05,399 --> 01:50:07,183 You're a good kid, Russell. 1839 01:50:08,881 --> 01:50:09,969 Hey. 1840 01:50:11,275 --> 01:50:12,493 The bear. 1841 01:50:12,537 --> 01:50:13,929 It worked. 1842 01:50:20,893 --> 01:50:22,503 Because of you. 1843 01:50:22,547 --> 01:50:24,853 No, Wade, because of you. 1844 01:50:25,724 --> 01:50:27,813 Stop, stop, stop! 1845 01:50:27,856 --> 01:50:29,031 Stop! 1846 01:50:30,206 --> 01:50:33,166 Just let it happen, okay? 1847 01:50:33,209 --> 01:50:36,909 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1848 01:50:36,952 --> 01:50:39,346 That riddle is so fucked up. 1849 01:50:44,177 --> 01:50:46,571 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1850 01:50:46,614 --> 01:50:47,963 Don't be. Don't be. 1851 01:50:48,007 --> 01:50:50,226 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1852 01:50:50,270 --> 01:50:51,924 Please, just don't leave me. 1853 01:50:51,967 --> 01:50:53,578 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1854 01:50:53,621 --> 01:50:55,275 We are not going anywhere. 1855 01:50:55,319 --> 01:50:57,408 Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1856 01:50:57,451 --> 01:50:58,583 Just rest, okay? 1857 01:51:00,411 --> 01:51:01,499 Papa. 1858 01:51:03,718 --> 01:51:05,677 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 1859 01:51:07,940 --> 01:51:13,946 ♪ Papa, can you find me in the night? ♪ 1860 01:51:35,228 --> 01:51:36,969 Before I go... 1861 01:51:37,012 --> 01:51:38,710 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1862 01:51:39,319 --> 01:51:40,668 Domino. 1863 01:51:40,712 --> 01:51:45,151 I want you to have my Adventure Timewatch. 1864 01:51:47,675 --> 01:51:50,548 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1865 01:51:51,331 --> 01:51:52,419 Thank you. 1866 01:51:53,768 --> 01:51:57,032 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1867 01:51:57,076 --> 01:51:59,383 I liked you better with your hair short. 1868 01:51:59,426 --> 01:52:00,558 Think everyone did. 1869 01:52:01,385 --> 01:52:04,126 Hi, Yukio. Hi, Wade! 1870 01:52:06,128 --> 01:52:07,216 And you... 1871 01:52:07,739 --> 01:52:09,741 Chrome Bone. 1872 01:52:09,784 --> 01:52:12,700 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1873 01:52:12,744 --> 01:52:15,050 But you've always been that to me. 1874 01:52:15,094 --> 01:52:16,443 So thank you. 1875 01:52:18,619 --> 01:52:20,229 Say "fuck" for me. 1876 01:52:21,056 --> 01:52:22,362 Just once. Come on, 1877 01:52:22,406 --> 01:52:24,016 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1878 01:52:24,059 --> 01:52:27,106 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1879 01:52:27,149 --> 01:52:28,324 Fuck. 1880 01:52:28,368 --> 01:52:31,632 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. 1881 01:52:32,981 --> 01:52:36,071 And you, Cable. 1882 01:52:36,115 --> 01:52:40,598 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1883 01:52:40,641 --> 01:52:44,297 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1884 01:52:44,340 --> 01:52:45,733 That you'll start judging people... 1885 01:52:45,777 --> 01:52:47,169 not by the color of their skin, 1886 01:52:47,213 --> 01:52:49,084 but by the content of their character. 1887 01:52:49,824 --> 01:52:51,435 - Jesus. - R-Dog? 1888 01:52:52,610 --> 01:52:55,090 There you are. Hey! 1889 01:52:55,134 --> 01:52:57,353 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1890 01:52:57,397 --> 01:53:00,400 That's why it's high time that you had a super suit. 1891 01:53:00,444 --> 01:53:01,836 This one is yours. 1892 01:53:01,880 --> 01:53:03,621 You might wanna get it steam cleaned. 1893 01:53:03,664 --> 01:53:05,100 Especially around the pants. 1894 01:53:05,144 --> 01:53:06,841 And let it out a little in the waist. 1895 01:53:07,799 --> 01:53:08,800 But, hey. 1896 01:53:09,844 --> 01:53:11,193 Look. 1897 01:53:11,237 --> 01:53:13,848 Family is not an F-word. 1898 01:53:14,588 --> 01:53:15,937 All right? 1899 01:53:15,981 --> 01:53:18,418 There's one out there for you. 1900 01:53:18,462 --> 01:53:20,159 Just keep looking, okay? 1901 01:53:23,641 --> 01:53:26,426 Guys, for a second there... 1902 01:53:27,253 --> 01:53:29,385 we made a pretty good team. 1903 01:53:44,444 --> 01:53:46,446 Oh, it's so hard to go. 1904 01:53:48,013 --> 01:53:50,319 I just love being around you guys so much. 1905 01:53:51,407 --> 01:53:52,626 So, so much. 1906 01:53:53,366 --> 01:53:54,715 Mmm. 1907 01:53:54,759 --> 01:53:57,588 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1908 01:53:57,631 --> 01:54:01,461 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1909 01:54:01,505 --> 01:54:02,506 Yeah. 1910 01:54:04,377 --> 01:54:06,858 Can you see it? 1911 01:54:06,901 --> 01:54:09,077 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1912 01:54:10,557 --> 01:54:11,689 There it is. 1913 01:54:17,956 --> 01:54:19,218 Oh, that's the sun. 1914 01:54:19,261 --> 01:54:21,133 Don't stare directly into that. 1915 01:54:21,176 --> 01:54:22,613 I just have a few final words. 1916 01:54:24,832 --> 01:54:26,225 Woodpecker. 1917 01:54:27,008 --> 01:54:28,357 Gingivitis. 1918 01:54:30,403 --> 01:54:31,752 Codswallop. 1919 01:54:36,104 --> 01:54:38,063 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1920 01:55:53,051 --> 01:55:54,269 Sorry I'm late. 1921 01:55:54,313 --> 01:55:56,010 There was a bunch 1922 01:55:56,054 --> 01:55:57,422 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1923 01:55:57,446 --> 01:55:59,666 No.No. 1924 01:55:59,710 --> 01:56:02,800 But I did have to help a kid.Yeah. 1925 01:56:02,843 --> 01:56:04,758 He's got a terrible name. It's just awful. 1926 01:56:04,802 --> 01:56:05,803 Ugh. I tried to tell him. 1927 01:56:08,153 --> 01:56:09,589 Is this heaven? 1928 01:56:10,459 --> 01:56:11,635 It is now. 1929 01:56:15,116 --> 01:56:16,988 I am so sorry. 1930 01:56:17,815 --> 01:56:19,164 It's okay. 1931 01:56:39,010 --> 01:56:40,881 I missed you so much. 1932 01:56:46,495 --> 01:56:48,149 What is it? What's wrong? 1933 01:56:50,064 --> 01:56:52,153 It's not time. 1934 01:56:52,197 --> 01:56:54,199 What do you mean it's not time? 1935 01:56:54,242 --> 01:56:55,853 I'm here, I made it. 1936 01:56:55,896 --> 01:56:57,637 You can't stay. No, no, no. 1937 01:56:57,681 --> 01:57:00,335 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1938 01:57:00,379 --> 01:57:01,815 It's okay. 1939 01:57:01,859 --> 01:57:04,688 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1940 01:57:05,732 --> 01:57:08,169 They need you. Who? 1941 01:57:10,215 --> 01:57:11,520 Your F-word. 1942 01:57:12,783 --> 01:57:13,784 Why? 1943 01:57:13,827 --> 01:57:14,828 You'll find out. 1944 01:57:16,090 --> 01:57:17,657 It's all right. I'll be here. 1945 01:57:19,006 --> 01:57:21,792 It's pretty fucking awesome over here. 1946 01:57:21,835 --> 01:57:23,750 I can have anything I want. 1947 01:57:23,794 --> 01:57:25,926 Can every day be International Women's Day? 1948 01:57:25,970 --> 01:57:27,536 It is heaven. 1949 01:57:27,580 --> 01:57:28,799 I love you. 1950 01:57:31,323 --> 01:57:34,065 I know. I love you, too. 1951 01:57:34,674 --> 01:57:36,067 Now, go. 1952 01:57:36,937 --> 01:57:38,939 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1953 01:57:39,984 --> 01:57:40,985 Go. 1954 01:57:43,814 --> 01:57:44,814 Hey! 1955 01:57:47,818 --> 01:57:49,950 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1956 01:57:50,603 --> 01:57:51,735 Well, come here. 1957 01:58:11,058 --> 01:58:12,799 Don't fuck Elvis. 1958 01:58:12,843 --> 01:58:14,583 Ooh, too late. I'm sorry? 1959 01:58:24,071 --> 01:58:25,333 Time to make the chimichangas. 1960 01:58:25,377 --> 01:58:26,508 30 seconds. 1961 01:58:26,552 --> 01:58:27,814 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 1962 01:58:27,858 --> 01:58:30,338 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1963 01:58:30,382 --> 01:58:32,558 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 1964 01:58:32,601 --> 01:58:34,125 Her name's Hope. 1965 01:58:34,168 --> 01:58:35,300 Well... 1966 01:58:36,127 --> 01:58:38,042 What are you doing? 1967 01:58:38,085 --> 01:58:39,739 Somebody swiped right. 1968 01:58:52,491 --> 01:58:55,276 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1969 01:58:58,192 --> 01:58:59,977 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1970 01:59:00,020 --> 01:59:01,543 It would seem I... 1971 01:59:03,719 --> 01:59:04,982 Huh? 1972 01:59:06,113 --> 01:59:08,463 Genuine, high-grade lead. 1973 01:59:10,378 --> 01:59:13,425 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 1974 01:59:13,468 --> 01:59:15,035 You did this for me? 1975 01:59:16,907 --> 01:59:19,997 Wait. You can't go back. 1976 01:59:20,040 --> 01:59:21,346 You used the last of your fuel. 1977 01:59:21,389 --> 01:59:23,130 What about your girl, your wife? 1978 01:59:23,174 --> 01:59:26,438 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 1979 01:59:27,918 --> 01:59:30,355 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 1980 01:59:30,398 --> 01:59:31,660 and make sure the world 1981 01:59:31,704 --> 01:59:33,401 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1982 01:59:34,098 --> 01:59:36,970 No. You did it for me. 1983 01:59:37,753 --> 01:59:39,190 No, I didn't. 1984 01:59:39,233 --> 01:59:40,669 You did. I really didn't. 1985 01:59:40,713 --> 01:59:42,553 Pretty sure you did. No, I'm positive I didn't. 1986 01:59:42,584 --> 01:59:44,369 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 1987 01:59:44,412 --> 01:59:47,154 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 1988 01:59:47,198 --> 01:59:49,983 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 1989 01:59:50,027 --> 01:59:51,158 Say it again. 1990 01:59:51,202 --> 01:59:52,812 - He did it for me. - Jesus. 1991 01:59:52,856 --> 01:59:54,659 We must get the collar off. Forget it. It's no use. 1992 01:59:54,683 --> 01:59:56,598 These collars don't just come off. 1993 01:59:56,642 --> 01:59:58,122 Wade. 1994 01:59:58,165 --> 02:00:00,080 I have an idea. 1995 02:00:00,124 --> 02:00:02,256 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 1996 02:00:02,300 --> 02:00:04,737 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 1997 02:00:04,780 --> 02:00:07,914 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 1998 02:00:07,958 --> 02:00:10,264 We need the code. 1999 02:00:10,308 --> 02:00:12,223 Try, uh, seven? 2000 02:00:12,266 --> 02:00:13,877 Settle down, Captain Lucky. 2001 02:00:13,920 --> 02:00:15,356 It's not gonna be one number. 2002 02:00:15,400 --> 02:00:16,560 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 2003 02:00:17,489 --> 02:00:18,838 I still got it. 2004 02:00:21,885 --> 02:00:23,843 Put that back in your prison wallet. 2005 02:00:25,540 --> 02:00:27,455 I don't know how to thank you. 2006 02:00:27,499 --> 02:00:29,414 But I do know how to hug you. 2007 02:00:29,457 --> 02:00:30,763 - No. - Yes. 2008 02:00:30,806 --> 02:00:32,286 Here we go. Bring it in. 2009 02:00:32,330 --> 02:00:33,418 Come on. 2010 02:00:33,461 --> 02:00:34,898 Pelvis to pelvis. 2011 02:00:34,941 --> 02:00:36,290 Let's go tip to tip. 2012 02:00:36,334 --> 02:00:38,902 There we go. The kids call this docking. 2013 02:00:40,599 --> 02:00:42,166 Is there a knife in my dick? 2014 02:00:42,209 --> 02:00:44,013 There's a knife in your dick. I'm just gonna back up now. 2015 02:00:44,037 --> 02:00:45,952 Yeah, yeah. No need to go full Yentl. 2016 02:00:45,996 --> 02:00:48,781 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 2017 02:00:48,824 --> 02:00:50,739 Let's go home, Russell. 2018 02:00:54,395 --> 02:00:56,180 All you dirty mutants 2019 02:00:56,223 --> 02:00:58,791 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 2020 02:00:58,834 --> 02:01:01,925 Your souls are beyond redemption! 2021 02:01:01,968 --> 02:01:03,230 Let's see your soul, perv! 2022 02:01:03,274 --> 02:01:06,103 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 2023 02:01:06,146 --> 02:01:07,452 We're better than him! 2024 02:01:07,495 --> 02:01:10,107 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 2025 02:01:10,150 --> 02:01:11,760 We'll let karma take care of him. 2026 02:01:11,804 --> 02:01:14,807 The day of reckoning is here! 2027 02:01:24,121 --> 02:01:26,210 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 2028 02:01:26,253 --> 02:01:27,472 Whoo! 2029 02:01:27,515 --> 02:01:29,126 Courage, motherfuckers! 2030 02:01:29,169 --> 02:01:30,649 And karma, motherfucker. 2031 02:01:30,692 --> 02:01:32,105 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 2032 02:01:32,129 --> 02:01:34,131 I could barely keep a straight face. 2033 02:01:34,174 --> 02:01:36,089 I want some more. 2034 02:01:36,133 --> 02:01:37,873 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 2035 02:01:37,917 --> 02:01:41,442 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 2036 02:01:41,486 --> 02:01:43,749 Good call. You guys coming with us? 2037 02:01:43,792 --> 02:01:45,751 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 2038 02:01:45,794 --> 02:01:47,318 Besides, we're X-Men. 2039 02:01:47,361 --> 02:01:50,016 No, you're X-People. 2040 02:01:50,060 --> 02:01:51,409 You're exhausting. 2041 02:01:51,452 --> 02:01:53,237 I see what you did there. Puns. 2042 02:01:53,280 --> 02:01:54,716 Our door's always open. 2043 02:01:54,760 --> 02:01:56,544 That's kind, but I'm not ready to date again. 2044 02:01:56,588 --> 02:01:57,589 Let alone two women. 2045 02:01:58,720 --> 02:02:00,418 God, you're a douche. 2046 02:02:00,461 --> 02:02:02,594 Bye, Wade! Bye, Yukio! 2047 02:02:05,292 --> 02:02:06,598 What do you get 2048 02:02:06,641 --> 02:02:07,555 when you take eight feet of chrome... 2049 02:02:07,599 --> 02:02:08,774 one pinch of courage... 2050 02:02:08,817 --> 02:02:10,036 a cup of good luck... 2051 02:02:10,080 --> 02:02:11,646 a dab of racism... 2052 02:02:11,690 --> 02:02:13,213 a splash of diabetes... 2053 02:02:13,257 --> 02:02:15,650 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 2054 02:02:15,694 --> 02:02:18,392 Answer: a family. 2055 02:02:18,436 --> 02:02:21,569 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 2056 02:02:21,613 --> 02:02:23,156 If there's anything you take away today... 2057 02:02:23,180 --> 02:02:26,139 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 2058 02:02:26,183 --> 02:02:29,012 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 2059 02:04:26,085 --> 02:04:27,826 How something so small generates 2060 02:04:27,869 --> 02:04:29,436 enough energy to reverse time is... 2061 02:04:29,480 --> 02:04:31,873 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 2062 02:04:31,917 --> 02:04:34,180 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 2063 02:04:34,224 --> 02:04:35,462 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 2064 02:04:35,486 --> 02:04:36,530 Never heard of him. 2065 02:04:36,574 --> 02:04:38,053 Why do you think I'm helping him? 2066 02:04:39,316 --> 02:04:41,579 The Lord works in mysterious ways, 2067 02:04:41,622 --> 02:04:43,885 don't I? A good day. 2068 02:04:44,625 --> 02:04:45,626 Bye, Wade! 2069 02:04:46,149 --> 02:04:47,150 Bye, Yukio! 2070 02:04:48,455 --> 02:04:50,979 That was probably a bad idea. 2071 02:04:51,023 --> 02:04:52,024 What have we done? 2072 02:05:10,564 --> 02:05:12,610 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 2073 02:05:22,750 --> 02:05:24,187 I'll be right back! 2074 02:05:26,189 --> 02:05:28,713 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 2075 02:05:29,104 --> 02:05:30,105 Whoo! 2076 02:05:31,933 --> 02:05:33,239 Peter! 2077 02:05:33,283 --> 02:05:34,849 Whoo! X-Force! 2078 02:05:34,893 --> 02:05:37,939 Walk away! Just walk away! 2079 02:05:37,983 --> 02:05:39,985 But we're X-Force! Nope! We're not. 2080 02:05:40,028 --> 02:05:41,378 X-Force is just a marketing tool 2081 02:05:41,421 --> 02:05:42,727 designed by Fox executives... 2082 02:05:42,770 --> 02:05:44,468 to keep Josh Brolin employed. 2083 02:05:44,511 --> 02:05:46,034 It doesn't exist. 2084 02:05:46,078 --> 02:05:49,386 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 2085 02:05:49,429 --> 02:05:51,126 And I need to feed my cat! 2086 02:05:51,170 --> 02:05:53,651 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 2087 02:05:53,694 --> 02:05:56,958 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 2088 02:06:06,141 --> 02:06:08,013 Wade, is that you? 2089 02:06:10,276 --> 02:06:11,625 I guess Stryker finally 2090 02:06:11,669 --> 02:06:13,061 figured out how to shut you up. 2091 02:06:19,633 --> 02:06:23,028 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 2092 02:06:23,071 --> 02:06:25,117 Just cleaning up the timelines! 2093 02:06:25,160 --> 02:06:28,990 Look, eventually you're going to hang up the claws... 2094 02:06:29,034 --> 02:06:31,254 and it's gonna make a lot of people very sad. 2095 02:06:31,645 --> 02:06:33,038 Huh? 2096 02:06:33,081 --> 02:06:34,407 But one day, your old pal Wade's gonna ask you... 2097 02:06:34,431 --> 02:06:36,389 to get back in the saddle again. 2098 02:06:37,303 --> 02:06:39,827 And when he does, say yes. 2099 02:06:41,089 --> 02:06:43,048 Oh, right. 2100 02:06:43,962 --> 02:06:45,268 Love you! 2101 02:06:47,618 --> 02:06:49,272 Goddamn, that's beautiful. 2102 02:06:56,627 --> 02:06:58,455 You're welcome, Canada. 2103 02:07:10,989 --> 02:07:12,164 Boy howdy. 2104 02:07:14,035 --> 02:07:16,951 Hi. This is a toughie. 2105 02:07:16,995 --> 02:07:18,431 Yeesh. 2106 02:07:18,475 --> 02:07:21,869 Oh, yes. You're already practicing your salute, huh? 2107 02:07:21,913 --> 02:07:24,742 Yes, you are. Well, we'll take care of that, won't we? 2108 02:07:24,785 --> 02:07:27,571 Jesus Christ! This is so much harder than I thought. 2109 02:07:28,398 --> 02:07:30,051 Oh, I'm going to hell. 2110 02:07:30,095 --> 02:07:31,792 That makes two of us. 2111 02:07:31,836 --> 02:07:33,446 You can do this. 2112 02:07:33,490 --> 02:07:36,144 This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. 2113 02:07:36,188 --> 02:07:37,320 All right. 2114 02:07:44,675 --> 02:07:47,068 Maximum effort. 2115 02:13:24,754 --> 02:13:27,060 That's okay. Let me see here. 2116 02:13:27,104 --> 02:13:28,627 Oh, God. 2117 02:13:28,671 --> 02:13:30,629 That's why you're such a little bastard. 2118 02:13:30,673 --> 02:13:33,023 No one's ever changed you. 2119 02:13:33,066 --> 02:13:35,808 Yeah, you got a big, old stinky in there, don't you? 2120 02:13:35,852 --> 02:13:38,681 God, it smells like Hitler's anus... 2121 02:13:38,724 --> 02:13:41,292 which would makes sense, wouldn't it? Yeah. 2122 02:13:41,335 --> 02:13:42,510 I think we both know 2123 02:13:42,554 --> 02:13:43,966 I don't have what it takes to do this... 2124 02:13:43,990 --> 02:13:46,166 so I'm just gonna change your diaper real quick... 2125 02:13:46,210 --> 02:13:48,144 and then I'm gonna come back with my friend, Cable. 2126 02:13:48,168 --> 02:13:49,561 He loves killing kids.