I think of myself
as someone who has paid to be
the person he wanted to be.
I've paid with my very... existence.
I dreamt of the devil as a child.
I would say to him,
"If you make me famous,
one day, I'll pay you back."
My sexuality is my devil.
At times, I've thought of things...
of darkness, of real self-destruction.
When you are attracted to the void,
to a sexuality that doesn't exist,
to images that would make anyone vomit,
something's not right.
And when you lose control,
it leads to chaos.
MILAN ITALY
I can no longer be a porn actor.
Rocco Siffredi has held me prisoner
for the past 30 years,
like an insect in a spider's web.
Those days are over.
From now on, my priorities are Rozsa, Lorenzo and Leonardo.
Screw the rest.
For the first time
in my life,
the devil between my legs
won't be a part of me anymore.
TWO YEARS EARLIER
BUDAPEST HUNGARY
I don't know.
My name is Rocco Tano.
I was born in a small town in central Italy,
on the Adriatic,
on May 4, 1964.
My father was a road-mender, my mother was a housewife.
I have five brothers and a sister.
When I was seven or eight,
I began to feel these urges coming from between my legs,
like a fire I didn't understand.
They were so strong and powerful
that I had to touch myself.
I became obsessed with sex.
The first time I masturbated,
I was eight or nine.
I came home for lunch,
and went into the bathroom. The window opened
onto the balcony where my mother did the laundry.
I was in the middle of masturbating.
Suddenly, I could feel someone watching me.
I looked and saw my mother's face, watching me.
It was a shocking, surreal experience.
I was terribly ashamed.
She gave me a little smile,
which I took to mean,
"Don't worry, it's OK. You've become a man.
You've grown up."
A smile that said,
"I'm on your side."
ORTONA ITALY
In choosing a career in porn, I defied everyone.
Even my family, my entire family.
My mother asked me, "Rocco, is this what you want to do?
Does it make you happy?
Then go ahead. Do it."
The poverty Rocco and I lived in, as children
shaped our personalities.
We were always told sex was for rich people,
not for us.
Only boys with money could seduce a woman,
and get something from her.
I have always wondered what our life would be like,
mine and my cousin's,
if his penis
hadn't stood to attention.
It's crazy, but it's the truth.
It's my destiny, my life story.
I might have become the priest
my mother always dreamt of.
Or a road-mender like my father.
When you see your parents struggling,
month after month, what do you want from life?
You want to be able to give them something better.
That's what I dreamt of.
I told myself, "You must do something to help your mother."
So I used my cock!
"He'll help me out!", I told myself.
BUDAPEST HUNGARY
Honey, grab the dicks.
Go like this, you understand?
Like this.
Watch the facial expressions!
Be expressive.
Great! Beautiful!
Valentina, watch your facial expression.
Gorgeous! Fantastic!
When I finished school, I got a job in a bank.
In Milan.
I did it
so my mother could say, "My son works in a bank."
She was happy and my father was proud.
But the Rocco Siffredi tornado swept through my life.
And I asked myself, "What am I doing with my life?
My cousin
is doing what I dream of, day and night.
He's having sex with women,
and he's getting paid for it. Why not me?"
So I left the bank to work with him.
He pushed his producers
to try me out. He told them,
"Look at his penis. It's as big as mine, maybe bigger!"
He was exaggerating,
but I was thrilled!
Very quickly,
I had to face a harsh reality,
that hit me like a slap across the face.
When they yelled out,
"It's your turn now. Action!"
I just couldn't do it.
I couldn't get hard,
and Rocco was forced
to penetrate the women instead of me.
Because...
I simply couldn't do it.
So in the shots
and the cutaways, thanks to the editing work,
my face was on the screen.
But the penis was always his.
I've prepared everything. We've even filled this
with water.
We'll have two teams.
The girls throw water balloons at the guys.
Let me have fun today.
What does that mean?
I knew you'd say that.
- I made up a story. - What story?
The guys are over here when the girls walk in.
They're chatting,
having fun.
One of the guys dresses up as a rabbit
and runs from the others who chase him on a motorbike.
- When do they fuck? - Right after.
When do they fuck?
Damn it, let me finish!
- Don't change my story. - Don't break my balls!
Let me finish!
Isn't my story funny?
All that crap would take ten hours to shoot!
- Ten minutes. - OK, do it your way.
But you're responsible if we have to shoot at night.
We have to do the lesbian scene too...
Drive a little faster.
Good, but make sure you take the curve.
Last take.
BUDAPEST HUNGARY
- Did you flip the toast ? - Yes.
Take this one and put this one here.
Toast?
If you want.
One particular day
probably changed my entire life.
We lived in low-income housing.
From the balcony,
I could hear my mother's shrieks.
Then Dad arrived
on his little Vespa, wearing his suit and helmet.
He looked up at the balcony.
He looked up and didn't even cry.
I can remember seeing something...
horrible.
My brother's lifeless body on the bed.
I can remember that the room
I shared with my little brother,
was filled with colored balloons
from a birthday celebration.
I began to furiously pop the balloons,
as the anger boiled inside me.
That image is engraved in my memory,
since my childhood.
A part of my mother died with Claudio.
Until the day she died, she never smiled again.
That frustration
and pain turned her into a very violent person.
Sometimes she'd grab my arm.
When she was angry, she'd seize my hand.
My wrist, in fact.
She would bite me so hard that it left marks.
Even after my brother died,
my mother continued to serve him dinner.
My father would get mad at her. "That's enough! He's gone!"
For 30 years, my mother wore black.
Nothing but black!
She made my father go to the cemetery every day.
Come rain or shine...
My mother had a very strong personality.
We called her "the General".
If anyone raised a hand to me,
my mother stood up for me, not my father.
He was scared.
She would go after people, armed with a broom, a hammer,
a pitchfork or a pickaxe...
I saw her throw vases!
She would throw vases at people from the balcony!
My mother was... a legend.
Are we going to run?
Let's go.
Are you up for it?
I'll beat you.
You'll beat me?
I had a pool cue,
and I broke it over some guys.
Can you put your dress on?
I'll do your lipstick afterwards.
Find something to put in her mouth.
So we avoid showing her teeth.
Get some tape.
The red tape.
How can she blow the guy
if her mouth is taped?
Don't worry. Just do it.
For heaven's sake...
- Mike Angelo? - Yes?
Finish up, so we can continue.
Mike, save some spontaneity for the camera.
Sure, if you get the hard-on for me.
I understand, but...
If she gets all worked up now, off-camera,
she'll be spent. Then what do we do?
You tell him!
You do your job, I'll do mine.
I get it, but we're off-camera.
Exactly. If I don't do this now, I won't get it up later.
Gaby, just let him.
You know I'm right. Whatever!
You've done it all? Anal, double penetration?
Anal once, with Pierre Woodman.
Double penetration, never before.
But I want to test it.
It must be good.
I want to be a good actress.
I'm 25.
I'm old.
- You have a boyfriend? - Yes.
- He knows what you do? - Yes.
Because you are a big star.
Mike, let's go.
Leave her alone for a bit.
Leave her alone.
Because suddenly, she wasn't there anymore.
Is she crying?
- She's been working all week long. - All week?
From Monday till today.
Anal sex every day.
I don't know. It was painful.
ORTONA ITALY
One January day, my sister called me.
"Mom is really sick. You have to come home."
I flew straight back from L.A.
I stayed with my mother
until mid-March.
Two whole months.
Every day, at 6 am and 6 pm,
she vomited blood. Every 12 hours.
I have always believed
that it was right for me to take on all her pain.
I prayed to Jesus,
"Please allow me to experience the same suffering when I die."
When my mother died,
I said to her,
"You and I will be together forever.
You're leaving now.
But I'll be there soon."
My reaction to her death
was quite peculiar.
It was...
very ambiguous
and totally surreal.
I can remember this crazy thing
that I've never told anyone, not even my wife.
This woman, a friend of my mother's,
told me to visit her before I left.
She took me in her arms and began to cry.
We cried together.
At one point,
she hugged me very tightly.
Something clicked in my mind. It was weird.
I was overcome by a wave of sexual desire.
We're talking about a woman my mother's age.
I stood up all of a sudden.
I dropped my pants...
and pulled out
my fully-erect cock.
She was speechless.
I stuck it in her mouth.
She didn't say a word.
In three seconds, I came in her mouth.
I pulled up my pants, zipped myself up,
and ran out, mortified.
I never saw her again.
My mother is the most important woman in my life.
Even today, I carry her picture everywhere.
Every night,
every single night since my mother died,
I take out her picture and look at her...
I ask her...
It's as though I'm asking her...
As though I'm asking her if what I do,
day after day...
I need her permission...
to do certain things.
I loved her, and I love her today.
I can't forget her.
I carry her within me
and I'll continue to carry her within me
as a kind of...
conscience.
As if my mother's eyes were telling me,
"Here, you're being good. Here, you're being bad."
There's no wi-fi here.
And I'm in the middle of work, OK?
I love you. Good night, darling.
Good night, Rozsa!
Gaby, look at what she's doing!
She's crying!
Look at the tears!
Oh my god! Nasty...
I'm very happy to be Rocco Siffredi's wife.
The fact that Rocco has sex...
with other woman it's sex, not love,
doesn't bother me.
It's his work.
I could easily watch his movies.
I worked on the set, doing make up.
Sometimes, the girls would describe the things he did to them.
They didn't know I was his wife.
The whole thing was funny.
I know for sure that my husband loves me,
no matter what.
And when he comes home,
he tells me everything that happened on the set.
People often ask me
if I'm jealous.
They ask the question a lot,
but the answer's always "no".
I know where my husband is and what he does.
Most women don't know what their husbands do all day.
I believe that working with all those women
pushes him closer and closer to me.
It makes him give me even more.
Show yourself. Walk around a little.
Gaby, don't start up with that garbage again.
It's not a leisurely walk through the park...
Then talk sooner, so we know you're arriving.
The light's nicer here.
Gaby, you have to move. They stay put.
I can't move around that much.
Cut it out!
You're such a pain in the ass today! Shit!
Thank you!
What a scene!
That was beautiful!
That's the most beautiful scene you've ever done.
Ever!
Sorry, but I don't have the images of you arriving.
Maybe you didn't record them.
Impossible!
You must have forgotten to press REC...
Don't start with me, Rocco.
It's complicated enough, as is.
Press PLAY. That's it! How complicated is that?
The sunshields were in the frame.
They're sticking out, all through your entrance sequence.
Unbelievable!
You can't work a camera here.
Those things are so obvious!
You can see that my face is cropped.
The top of my head is cut off!
Well, we don't have it.
I don't know what to tell you. I need to fix this.
Let me handle this, OK?
I'll fix this.
What shitty luck! Goddamn it!
Women are my passion.
Women are my life,
a never-ending discovery.
I've always tried
to avoid disappointing a woman.
When I meet a woman
who asks me to keep going, to go further,
I can't say to her, "Hang on...
I'm worn out. I need to rest."
I've had sex with 18-year-old girls
and women in their seventies
and eighties, elderly women.
I wanted to explore sexuality from every angle.
What kind of sexuality does a 70-year-old woman have?
What can she give me?
What can I think of
to show her, to give her something she's never known?
This is also part of my work.
Rocco must be ready, always and forever.
Rocco Siffredi
needs both the beautiful and the ugly,
to be Rocco Siffredi.
My addiction has been a problem for the past ten years.
I've hit rock-bottom many times.
I can not
cure my addiction
unless I stop being an actor.
My penis has always been my downfall.
If I continue like this,
things may get much worse.
But that doesn't mean
that I am a total shit.
I would have been one,
if I hadn't tried to change.
Try to hide it. It's too exposed.
Perfect.
Here's the difference between making love to my wife
and making love on the set.
On the set, I fuck.
With my wife,
we can stay in the same position for two hours.
All our friends think
that we live this wild and crazy lifestyle...
That he goes to the office
and has sex with his two secretaries!
It's just not true.
We don't. I hate to disappoint everyone.
In our bedroom, we're very romantic.
Much more conservative and natural.
Rozsa is a flower.
She's a pure soul. Absolute pureness.
She didn't marry me for the size of my cock,
or because I was Rocco Siffredi.
I had given up on the idea of family.
That was my destiny.
Each year, I would say to her,
"What are you doing with me?
You're so beautiful, so classy.
Why are you with me?"
Each year, she would answer,
"I'm bored without you."
VITERBO ITALY
I'm sure she doesn't like it when I'm on the set,
when I make love to other women.
I'm sure it hurts her.
For me,
it's too intimate,
too sinful...
A voice tells me,
"No, it's not right.
You shouldn't be doing this."
In the beginning, he tested me.
He didn't believe he could have
a wife and a family
in his line of work.
When he turned 40,
he told me he wanted to stop.
It was time to stop
because it was getting complicated
for our sons. They were growing up.
Now they had girlfriends.
They knew what his real job was.
I was worried. "Now what?
I can't give you what you get from your films
and those other women."
I was more worried than him.
At one point, I decided to stop.
Then for a whole year,
two or three times a day, what did I do?
I went to see prostitutes, trannies, old women...
I walked in and whipped it out.
"I want to fuck, I want sex".
But as soon as I started up,
I would see my wife's face.
I would see my kids. I would ask myself,
"Why am I doing this?"
Hard to explain.
My wife would say,
"Why did you stop? No one asked you to.
"Why go see whores?
"Go back to movies."
She understood that
when I was home alone, with her,
a part of me was unhappy. She knew it.
My wife understood
that I couldn't live without porn. She got it.
I'm very lucky...
Not because I have a big dick,
but because I have Rozsa.
BUDAPEST HUNGARY
You've never asked
why I make porn flicks.
This one needs charging.
- Can you charge this one? - Give it to me.
Did you already know, or not?
I did.
Leo doesn't know.
He's more critical.
Right, Leo?
You're more critical.
It shows. I can tell!
I can tell!
Life is complicated, very complicated.
For many years, I thought about
what Lorenzo and Leonardo would think when they saw me...
You've seen me, right?
Once, when I was little.
You saw Tarzan. So?
I don't usually watch that stuff.
Your work doesn't bother me.
I've always considered it to be a normal job.
And as a father...
I couldn't have dreamed for a better father.
I'm very proud to be your son.
This is what I've always done. I've fought.
I learned that life was hard,
when Claudio died.
I saw my mother suffer,
and I learned that life was beautiful but painful.
I've worn out my entire body,
from my back to my shoulders, arms and knees.
Everything aches.
But I live with it. That's how it is.
I wanted pain,
and I got it.
It doesn't scare me.
I need to suffer to feel alive.
I didn't have to do it...
But it's like I was looking for
a way...
an opportunity to say,
"Enough! I've had enough!"
I've had sex
in some extreme situations.
Extreme...
where I was risking my life.
Unconsciously, I was looking for death.
I can't seem to
enjoy a calm, beautiful, carefree life.
I'm compelled to destroy it.
You're like Jesus. Is this the Last Supper?
The Last Supper! For Chrissake!
You're at the top of your game. You're Number One!
Can you imagine if every Hollywood actor quit acting
when they turned 50?
In this very American cast, I'd like to have
a special role.
I see myself as...
Kelly called me, you know...
No, no, no!
Yes, she called.
What did she say?
I told her she'd be an incredible MILF.
So she says...
The last film you did together,
you argued and hit each other.
You spit at each other,
in each other's eyes, ears and hair.
She was a psychopath then. She still is.
That is such bullshit!
Kelly made porn history. When fans talk about
my most important films,
her name always comes up. "Kelly Stafford!"
STILTON ENGLAND
We're in good hands with him. His girls do things our way.
With everyone else, we always have to explain things.
Behave yourself around Spiegler.
If you pull your usual shit, he'll get annoyed.
And then he'll tell me to piss off.
Spiegler speaks his mind.
I'll behave.
He loves us, he loves our work,
and he respects us.
But you have to be very careful.
You're all I have in this world.
Sometimes it's hard for me to hear you say,
"You're a useless piece of shit. You didn't do it right..."
Gaby, I'm in the middle of fucking.
You always make the same mistakes with the camera.
Am I supposed to congratulate you?
You're so aggressive!
You're like a cat... always lashing out at someone.
You're always exaggerating.
It's OK, it's over.
I've had it, Rocco.
- Chill out! - Enough!
How's it going, James?
Not like that. Tilt it to one side.
Like that.
Tip it, or it won't go through the door.
Let me see from inside.