♪ Happy Christmas day you broke my heart ♪
♪ And now I can't believe that you would ever leave me ♪
♪ You were trying to deceive me ♪
♪ I gave you all my love but you threw it away ♪
♪ So happy Christmas, don't tell me it's over ♪
♪ So happy Christmas, don't tell me it's over now ♪
♪ Happy Christmas day you broke my heart ♪
♪ And now it seems that you are never gonna leave ♪
♪ But you told me you'll never see her ♪
♪ Gave you all my time but you were fooling around ♪
♪ So happy Christmas, don't tell me it's over ♪
♪ So happy Christmas, don't tell me it's over now ♪
I am not lonely because of the holidays, mom.
No, I don't mind going to a party alone.
That is the point of going.
No, mom, not so I can meet someone.
Look, I'm getting out, I'm going.
Tom?
What was that?
Nothing, it's all good!
It doesn't sound like nothing.
You know that Annie messaged me like three times
to make sure I'd come?
Wait, did you tell Annie that she had to make me come?
Did you know that baby carrots
are the same thickness as a human finger?
We just know not to bite into them.
Our fingers.
But if we did, they'd have the same give as a baby carrot.
Now why would you tell me this?
Because that's interesting information.
Oh, you have ruined baby carrots for me.
Or maybe I've enhanced them?
Look, mom, I will probably just stay for five minutes
and never go to one of their parties ever again, okay?
I'm hanging up now, goodbye.
Natalie!
Your cousin's here.
I know I'm a little early, but I was talking to my mom
in the car and she was like, "just go in already!"
Yeah, of course!
Come in.
I'm going in.
Annie is just finishing some stuff up in the kitchen.
I'm almost done, I just need a hand.
I can help, too.
She gets a little stressed beforehand.
I'm totally fine!
Oh, I'm the first person here, huh?
People usually arrive around 30 minutes
after the start time.
Then why is it the start time?
Natalie!
Oh wow, I love your dress.
She wears it every year.
Now I would love to chat, and I promise we will,
but we are officially running late.
Tom, get the stuff for the eggnog.
Oh, I can help, too...
Oh, no, no, no, you're our guest.
How are you?
I'm good.
I am good.
Um, the semester just ended.
- Cool. - Finally.
And that means the class I was ta-ing is done.
Cool.
Those kids were sweet,
but they were also total nightmares.
- Yikes. - Cool, cool.
I mean, not cool that that they were nightmares,
but cool that you're done.
Right.
Oh, shoot, I got shell in here.
So, is there anyone special in your program?
You're are as bad as aunt Beth.
Is there anyone?
Oh my gosh.
I think that's a no.
It's okay that it's a no.
You've got plenty of time.
We were kind of a weird, cosmic thing.
Oh, no, the dress!
- Okay, oh no. - Oh.
I got it.
Blot it, blot it.
Yeah, blot it, blot it.
We did say 7:30 on the invite, right?
Yeah, uh, nat, do you wanna get the door,
maybe make a new friend?
Gentle!
Yes, I'm a gentle blotter.
Not, don't rub it in.
Honey, I'm just barely, you can't even see it.
Get a hairdryer!
Hi, I'm Annie's cousin.
They're just finishing the last touches in the kitchen.
They'll be right out.
So, uh, you can come in to the party.
Woo!
I didn't get your name?
Doug.
I'm Natalie, Annie's cousin.
You already said that.
Right, cool.
Nice to meet you, too, Doug.
Oh no, I didn't get photos yet.
Okay.
Precious cargo!
Oh no, here it comes!
The eggnog has arrived, clarkmas can officially begin!
It's raw eggs, right?
And like, a gallon of booze.
Make sure people take pictures.
They're memories!
Okay, all right, get in there.
Come on, here we go.
Okay, all right, you guys next?
Saw you met Doug.
Oh, he mostly ate hors d'oeuvres at me.
I think he spat some gingerbread man on my face.
It seemed like maybe you two were hitting it off.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
I just want to make sure you mingle.
I'm doing just fine.
Refilling the gingerbread, duck!
Okay, so, see?
Hey, buddy.
What?
You made it!
How was the drive up?
Oh, not too bad.
Fun fact, I might be moving up here in a few weeks.
No kidding, new job?
Same job, new office.
They're putting a branch in Marina del Rey.
Who knows, maybe I'll become one of those guys
who lives on a boat?
You would be a guy that lives on a boat.
I would be a guy that lives on a boat, yeah.
Annie, look who finally made it this year!
- Hi, hello! - How are you?
I'm good!
Oh, get him some eggnog.
You trying to make me fat?
I do what I can.
Oh, Logan, you have to meet my cousin, Natalie.
Yes.
She was here a second ago.
Uh, oh, looking at the pictures.
See that picture of me?
My cat died after that one.
Really?
Yeah.
You look so happy, though.
They really take these parties very seriously.
Yeah, this is my 4th one.
Is this your first one?
Yeah, I just, I moved to la for grad school.
Grad school!
I remember those graduate years.
Just wandering them halls, just walking around,
no student loans, no debt.
Does your school have lions in front of it?
- Lions? - Lions.
A good grad school needs good lions just in front of it.
So you know it's good education.
We should have made these before people got here!
They would have been cold.
That's why we don't do hot apps.
You love hot apps.
Yeah, when someone else is making them.
There's no need to over-complicate our parties.
This was a small upgrade.
We get better every year.
Here we go.
Ally-oop.
Hot apps.
Well, at least I'm not the only one
that got the ugly sweater memo.
You must be Tom's high school friend.
The outspoken one?
Junior high.
Oh, okay.
Close.
I'm Natalie.
And you don't know anyone at this party, Natalie.
What's my tell?
The way you're downing that drink while pretending
to be interested in Tom's graphic novels.
Okay.
Well, what's your excuse?
I'm merely an observer of this grand social experiment.
Ah, so you're just here to judge?
Yeah, it did kind of win you over with the sweater line.
Hm, keep telling yourself that.
So this is going really well.
Ah, you're really perceptive!
What do you do, Natalie?
I didn't get your name.
Don't change the subject.
What do you do?
I'm in grad school for psychology.
Huh, wow.
Go figure.
Oh...
No, I'm impressed.
That's genuinely very cool.
What?
Nothing.
I'm just waiting for your snarky comeback.
Wow.
You've got my number already.
You're gonna be really good at this shrink thing.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm already psychoanalyzing you.
Many have tried, none have succeeded.
Oh, is that a challenge?
You don't want another drink, do you?
You're aggressive for a psyche major.
You're projecting your own desires.
Okay, my plan would be to just get rid
of highway patrol all together
and just put like tow trucks at every exit.
Just take them straight to the garage.
I'm not sure that's how, I...
Big stop, ready to go.
Just done and done.
How many times has your car broken down on a freeway?
Like, 10, 15 times.
Come on, you're taking to long.
One minute.
Only a minute?
Tom, Tom!
I've got an extinguisher in my apartment!
There's nothing in the oven,
but the smoke just keeps coming!
Okay, did you try water?
Yeah, I did, I tried water.
Sorry, all right.
Fill this, fill this.
Sorry.
Did I do that?
No, I don't know.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Wait, what is that?
You smell that?
Excuse me?
What is that smell?
Oh shit!
- Oh shit! - Oh my god!
- Well don't panic.
Well that's really not helpful, is it?
Oh, I got it, I got it, yeah.
Oh, you think that's gonna save us?
Well, I don't see you doing anything.
You can fit through that window, right?
What do you mean, can I fit?
Can you fit?
Come on!
I'm saving our lives.
You go first, I've got you.
All right, here we go.
I'm a little afraid of heights, by the way.
They live on the first floor.
Yeah, you're right.
Sorry about the hands on the butt.
Don't worry about being a gentleman right now.
Okay.
- You got it? - Yeah, I think so.
- You good? - Yeah.
Sorry Santa.
Started yoga.
Yeah, it does help.
Are you okay?
Yeah, are you?
Yeah.
Let's go see if Tom and Annie are up there.
Oh my god.
Really could have used the bathroom, Logan.
Cliff had to let me use his.
So it's Logan, right?
Huh.
I'm just so humiliated.
Oh honey, these things happen.
When was the last time you were at a party
where the fire department was called?
Okay, at least it was a kitchen fire?
If it had happened near a tree
it could have been really dangerous.
It's true, trees go up in seconds.
Have you seen those videos?
Would you want one of your clients
to be known as the person with the kitchen fire?
Okay, that's besides the point.
It would never happen.
But if it did happen, I would turn it around
and maybe add a catch phrase or something.
Arson Annie?
Okay, not that one.
This one is so awesome, it just, whoosh,
it just goes up so fast.
They say I saved the day.
All right, ma'am, everything's under control in there,
but pretty smokey, so I'd leave the windows
and doors open for awhile.
How long awhile?
I don't know, an hour, maybe?
And between you and me,
don't store potholders under the oven.
You should know, I've never done this,
not even in college.
Wait, should I be telling you that?
Nah, you couldn't resist me
from the moment I started talking to you.
Oh, you need to stop saying shit like that.
I tee you up to say something sweet
and then you say the grossest things.
You didn't think that twenty minutes ago.
Wait, do you have plans for new year's?
Ah, you know, they're kind of still up in the air.
Do you think Tom and Annie were trying to set us up?
I don't know.
I mean, they think there's something wrong with you
if you haven't latched on to a mate and committed yourself
to someone by now, so.
You haven't been in many longterm relationships?
What does that mean?
Just a guess.
I've had some long-ish relationships, okay?
No judgment from me, okay?
Tom and Annie married their college sweetheart.
Why would you settle if you don't even know
what's out there in the first place?
I don't need like a smorgasbord or something.
And what exactly are you getting at?
I don't know, Mr. My-plans-are-up-in-the-air.
Bet no guy is ever good enough for you.
Do you ever let anyone in?
I mean, you hide behind these cynical comments,
hoping nobody ever sees the real you.
I mean, I barely know you, but it feels like nobody does.
Insulting a guy is a great way to get to know him.
Oh, well ladies love it when they hook up with a guy
who then proceeds to analyze their dating history.
It's a real turn on for a guy
when a girl says how no guy's ever good enough for her.
That's an anecdote you should save for more parties.
I think we're done here.
Oh come on.
You started it.
We can just forget this happened.
Dance party!
I'm so not a dancer.
I'd take her word for it.
Okay. I braved the smoke for these guys.
Come on.
Jello shots!
Come on.
Come on, ah-ha.
Come on.
♪ Now tell me what is you trying to do ♪
♪ I'm feeling this vibe, you feeling it too ♪
♪ We got enough for this to go round ♪
♪ You never knew, I'm glad you know now ♪
♪ Go ahead break it down ♪
♪ Go ahead break a smile for me ♪
♪ It's been a while because life can weigh down on you ♪
♪ Hit it with a mile on you ♪
♪ Tell me what you want me to ♪
♪ You got me and I got you ♪
♪ And we both got nothing to lose ♪
♪ To try to, I need you too ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ We can show you how ♪
♪ To get down, get down, oh ♪
It's a touchy subject.
Listen, I'm not asking, it's my mother.
Since I'm not procreating, she's hoping
that someone from the family can take one for the team.
It's not that we're against kids.
We just aren't ready for one yet.
Besides Tom and I were practically kids
when we started dating and you know,
we have plenty of time.
Yeah, your eggs are gonna be good for at least a decade.
Probably exactly a decade.
I am not that much older than you.
I know. But we've established that I'm a lost cause.
You rule people out before you give them a fair chance.
That is patently untrue.
World of warcraft credit card guy.
Red flag.
Organic deodorant man.
Yuck!
The optometrist with the competitive laser tag team?
Hard pass.
Tom has plenty of weird hobbies.
Remember his ventriloquist phase?
I'm not having this conversation with you.
Neither am I.
You'll find someone.
You just have to be open to it.
You will find them when you're least expecting it.
What do you know?
I mean, you guys met when you were kids.
Exactly.
We weren't expecting it.
I can get it.
Tom will get it.
Tom?
I'm cleaning out the bathtub.
I thought you were gonna do that when I started cooking?
I had to create a new playlist.
I can get it, seriously.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
I'm the first one here?
Ah, no.
I already got that title.
Logan.
I know.
Ha, ha, ha, Logan!
Wait, where's the ice?
Oh shit, I knew there was a reason I left early.
Sorry dude, I ubered.
Wait, he didn't bring the ice?
But we need a bunch of bags, Tom.
Listen, I'll just go out and get it.
I'm sure there's a grocery store around the corner.
That's great.
Wait, will she get back in time?
The sooner she leaves the better.
I'll be fine.
But how can she carry it all?
We need a bunch of bags, Tom?
What if Logan goes with Natalie
and then they can carry the bags together?
That's perfect.
Great.
We'll go get the ice.
Together.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know anyone would be sitting there.
You are quite the hoarder.
That is hardly hoarding.
Oh, pardon me.
It's just the back issues of old magazines
and a bunch of half drunken water bottles.
If there's an earthquake, I will have water.
I'll be sure to find you in the grid goes down.
You didn't have to come with me.
I don't know why you did.
Geez, did you see this one about the fault line
in the pacific northwest?
They are screwed.
You're really not going to say anything, are you?
Unbelievable.
Last clarkmas?
We hooked up!
Oh man, the captions on these cartoons
gets me every time.
I know that I've seen you around town several times
and every single time you've avoided me.
Once at the arclight and twice
at the third street promenade.
Look, I don't know.
I know it was you.
Maybe you just wanted to see me.
Isn't there a psychological term for that?
The only term that is coming
to my mind right now is asshole.
What, I'm supposed to remember every random hookup?
Oh, we had a conversation.
Perhaps.
Oh shit, the supermarket.
Sorry.
Hey, any of these spots would work.
I'm finding a spot near the entrance.
Still don't know how to settle.
All right.
I am officially taking the higher road here.
We can start over.
Like nothing happened.
Nothing did happen.
Great.
Fantastic.
Perfect.
Love it.
There was actually a closer spot.
I don't know what's taking them so long.
I'm sure they're minutes away.
That better be them.
I can't believe they only had two bags left.
You look like you're struggling to just hold the one.
I'm kidding.
Here, come on, give it to me.
Let me take it.
You don't have to.
No seriously, I'd like to.
Okay.
Oh, geez.
Yeah, it's heavy.
Thank you for keeping the ice on your lap.
I just didn't want to get my stuff all wet.
You know, I've got some pretty important papers
in there somewhere.
At least my body will be numb
if you get us into an accident.
Oops.
- Hey, cheese! - Oh, come on.
Come on in you crazy kids.
I thank you.
Yeah, I'm so glad there's evidence of that thank you.
Annie's cool with this?
It's all the rage.
It's called a beer throw.
Beers in the bathtub, huh?
You always think of something.
Hot appetizers were off limits this year.
I was afraid to ask.
Hey, Natalie?
Just between us, Annie's not really saying a lot about it
but she was just laid off from her job.
What?
Just maybe don't bring it up.
Just try to keep things calm.
I just really need everything to run smoothly.
Yeah, of course.
Oh my god.
Poor Annie.
She's good.
She's great.
She just hates anything changing, ever.
That's so Annie.
Do you know that she had the same haircut
from ages seven to 17?
No.
She would have kept it too.
Except when she was blowing out the candles
at her 17th birthday party, her bangs caught on fire.
Don't say, and don't say fire either.
So I ran out of my apartment, like,
with a fire extinguisher in hand
and I put out the fire right as like,
the firefighters were showing up
and I think they were jealous
because they missed the action.
But smoke was like billowing up in my face.
And Annie, she had put like flammable material
in the drawer underneath.
Are you gonna tell everyone about it, cliff?
She's interested.
You're interested, right?
But what's your, I didn't catch your name.
It's Megan.
Megan is very interested, so.
I was just coming to put my coat down.
Ah-huh, okay.
So have you ever put out a fire?
Because sometimes you're like,
I burnt my beard a little bit.
Oh yeah, I just got these socks.
I just live right across the hall.
Oh, you know who friended me on Facebook?
Naomi hagar.
Whoa, Naomi?
How is she, how's she doing?
From light Internet stalking,
she seems to be doing very well.
Somehow she seems to moved on from you.
It has been a decade since we graduated.
Do you remember that debate trip that we went on
and you ended up missing your event,
you had to take her to urgent care?
And she just barfed all over your front seat.
That smell never went away.
Sorry, to interrupt, Annie wanted me to tell you
that your guacamole is running low.
Oh, duty calls.
Excuse me.
That's a nice color on you.
Thanks.
Hey, I didn't mean to act like I didn't know you earlier.
I just thought it might be easier?
For who?
For both of us, I guess?
And once I committed to it, it felt weird to stop.
Apology accepted.
It wasn't an apology per se.
I should just be quiet sometimes.
I'm working on it.
Cool.
Annie.
Oh, hello.
You cannot put those on the food table.
I made these special.
You should try them before they get eaten up.
Oh, that's sweet.
Seriously though.
I don't want the plebes to eat them all.
I spent a lot of money on saffron.
These drunkards wouldn't appreciate them.
Okay.
Ah!
Natalie, come play.
You're gonna catch on quick.
Just grab the controller and wait for the beep.
When you hear the beep, it's a race to press the button
and the last person gets buzzed.
Buzzed?
Ow!
That was worse than the milgram shock experiment.
It's like where they're being tortured,
but they have a fear of authority,
so no one speaks up and says like,
scientist, stop it, it's too much.
You know.
It's well known.
It is?
I just had finals.
Your boss never appreciated you
and now you get a fresh start.
I'll keep an ear open for any leads.
Yeah, but anywhere I go, it will be starting over again.
Store-bought over there.
I, on the other hand, have been maxing out credit cards
to go on crappy online dates.
At least you don't have to worry about that.
I'm just a broke spinster.
Oh, stop.
You have plenty of time.
How old are you?
27.
My mother had two kids by the time she was 27.
On the bright side, I could be 27
and raising two ingrates.
Well, here's to figuring it all out,
next year.
I'm so happy you throw these parties.
Otherwise I wouldn't have any place
to go during the holidays.
It's the only time Tom and I get
to see our friends together in one place.
Who's that?
Oh, I don't know.
She must be one of Tom's friends.
Hey man, so beers in the bathtub this year?
It's all the rage.
That's cool.
I like a good beer in the shower sometimes.
I felt it on my lips and my hands.
You know what's hilarious is the beer's not even cold.
After all that.
There you are, you weren't answering my texts.
I must have left my phone on silent.
A likely story.
Hi, I'm Shannon.
My lady friend.
Yeah, he doesn't want to give anybody the wrong idea
that we might actually be getting serious.
Oh, I remember those days, totally.
Oh please.
You were the one desperate to lock it down, not me.
I was, it's true.
I don't care.
Well they should be so lucky.
Excuse me, I'm gonna pop into the restroom.
So how did you two meet?
An app.
We did too!
They're in the bathroom?
Uh...
One minute!
Yeah, I've heard that before.
What are you doing this new years?
We're doing a party if you're around.
Well, I don't know, you just figure it out.
Excuse you.
Sorry, what was your name again?
It's Shannon.
Also, that dress is amazing on you.
It's a beautiful color.
Thank you.
You're actually not the first person to say that tonight.
This all makes a lot of sense now.
This is what you were trying to avoid.
Looks like it didn't work, Logan.
No, not at all.
We can start over.
We're just strangers.
Logan and I are just a bunch of strangers.
But last year, you two...
I think I'm gonna get another beer.
You want to join me honey?
No, I'm good.
This is awkward.
Didn't have to be.
Don't go placing the blame on me, you started it.
You're kind of obsessed with me.
I simply acknowledge who I've made out with before.
Come on, all those times stocking me around town.
Oh my god, you wish.
Oh my god, why would anyone put a beer in a bathtub?
It's all the rage.
Hey, cuz.
What is going on over here?
You're Annie, right?
This is your soiree?
It's absolutely lovely.
It's so cozy.
Everything's just right.
Like really, thank you for having us.
Who is she?
His lady friend.
I see.
Yeah. I didn't mean to make a scene.
Logan's being kind of a dick, actually.
I tried to make good.
You tried to cover your tracks.
Oh my god, you can't let anything go.
You let everything go.
Just stop, both of you, okay?
Why can't we have a nice time?
Can someone please just pass me a beer.
Thank you.
Thanks for coming.
I don't go home for the holidays.
This is my Christmas.
You're Jewish.
I know.
Great party, man.
Later.
Well, at least we've got enough alcohol for new years.
We can take it to Chris and Megan's.
They're having us over at their new place.
Did they buy?
Apparently.
I thought it would be rude to ask the details,
but I looked it up and I think they overpaid.
Do you wish we had a house?
Sure, of course, but we're fine where we are.
This place is cozy, according to Logan's new lady friend.
He really needs to stop calling her that.
Toilet's running again.
I guess this place is cozy.
Are you happy?
With me?
Are you kidding?
Of course.
You're my best lady friend.
We're not gonna have enough food.
Hey good looking.
You are changing the subject.
We have 52 people confirmed.
Luckily we know a bunch of flakes.
Because, pun intended.
Did you really have to invite all your work friends?
I don't even know them.
Well, this could be a great way to get to know them.
Does Logan have another lady friend coming today, too?
I don't know, we don't really talk
about that kind of thing.
Are the little ones, should I just get rid
of the little ones?
Honey?
They're great.
Yeah, they're great.
We should have made more truffles.
There's some broccoli in the fridge,
you could put the head out.
Nobody's gonna eat a head of broccoli.
They will if they're desperate.
So you admit that we don't have enough.
I do not admit that.
I think that no matter how much food you put out,
Doug's just gonna demolish it.
What are these lights for?
I was thinking it could be kind of fun
if they were up around the windows.
Someone wants to impress his work friends.
No.
Hmm?
Maybe a little.
That's just human.
And they're not my work friends,
they're just my new friends.
They're, they're, they're just friends of mine.
Well if they know the guy I know,
then they're already impressed.
There's a position opening up in the new year.
I'm the choice, but they are interviewing
outside the company too.
This is the first I'm hearing of it.
It's not a big deal, really.
How are these tangled
if all they do is sit in a box all year?
Who do I have to bribe to get you the job?
I will ply them with eggnog.
Lenora.
She's on the committee.
I just have to prove to her that I'm responsible.
But cool, hip.
But you'd trust me with a million dollar account.
You always managed to start a project
right before people get here.
Well, is it maybe a bad time to tell you
that I ordered a karaoke machine?
Kidding.
Oh, there we go.
How'd you do that?
Easy.
Easy?
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Easy.
Cheers!
You're a wonderful host!
Thank you.
Okay, so furniture stores are going
out of business all the time, and yet, economically,
I don't understand how they have everything
for 80% off all the time.
Maybe the actual price is just 80% under
what they try to sell it for?
It's either the worst business to be in or the best.
I don't know.
I haven't decided.
Nina, oh my gosh, those look incredible.
I'll hide these in the kitchen
so you and Tom can try them.
May I?
You can have one.
Is that salted caramel?
And candied Rosemary with a brown butter finished.
I thought it was grass.
I'll find Tom.
Just because it, it looks like grass.
And so he leaves the audition,
which is terrible, and on the way out he grabs a handful
of grapes and he looks at me and he goes, "arrivederci."
Please tell me you cast him.
The director wanted to!
No!
Tom, I've got a treat for you.
What are these, pray tell?
Lenora, get in there.
Oh my god, orgasmic.
What are you, like the cookie goddess?
Oh, I love that.
Oh my god, that's so funny.
Nina, this is lenora, lenora, this is Nina.
These are incredible.
Yeah, they were.
Thank you, Nina.
What is going on there?
What do you mean?
Were we not supposed to eat the cookies?
No, no, eat the cookies.
Eat the cookies.
They're good.
Yeah, they are.
♪ Shouldn't be alone for Christmas, baby ♪
Hello, Natalie.
Oh, hello there.
Happy holidays.
I thought you'd be impressed that I remembered your name.
It's kind of a basic human expectation that I have
after I've met someone a number of times.
It's something I've been working on.
Meeting basic human expectations?
Well, yeah.
That's very self-aware of you.
Actually I have kind of a funny story that involves you.
Oh, do you?
Yeah, I.
I'm sorry, you have, there's just a little.
Hmm?
You, here, I'll just.
Thanks.
Anyway, I guess it's just a thing of the times
that we live in, but you actually came up as a match
on my dating profile.
Oh!
I knew it.
I knew it!
You got it too and you swiped right!
No, no, no, I did not.
I closed the app immediately,
and then when I restarted you were gone.
I don't think that's how the app works.
Yeah, it does.
It works like that.
It definitely does because that's what happened.
And that's what I did.
While we're on the topic,
have you ever considered a different profile photo?
I'm just saying you're much prettier in real life,
why start with that picture?
I think you think you're complimenting me right now...
What was it your profile said?
You want someone who will challenge you?
Okay, I'm not getting into this.
But why are all the pictures on your profile
full of remnants of other women?
Like the super random arm around you
or the cute side boob.
It's like, oh, hey, I have access to all these hot women.
That is not what I'm saying.
Those are just pictures that exist of me.
Then crop it.
Just because I don't take all these selfies,
like a millennial.
You are a millennial.
Yeah, but I don't act like one.
Is Logan bothering you?
Not more so than usual.
Have you bragged yet about how you only
have a semester left of your program?
No, mom.
One semester, huh?
I graduate in the spring.
You can finally diagnosed me.
It would be unprofessional to say sociopath, right?
She gets it.
Tom, what's your diagnosis for me?
Well, in my very unprofessional opinion,
I would say, soulmate.
Oh.
Soulmate.
Bullshit.
I may sound cheesy, but sometimes you just know.
Come on, it's an outdated notion.
It's gone the way the crank car, am-fm radio, flip phones.
Yeah, I mean the presumption that there's
just one person out there for each
and every one of us is ludicrous.
Right?
And what about the rest of us?
What are we just losers waiting to find the one and only?
Yeah, good luck.
Get ready to die alone.
I wonder what the sex is like for soulmates.
Okay.
Da, da, da, da!
You almost forget to bring this out this year.
Oh, yeah.
I guess I, I guess I did.
You want to get some air?
Cliff, that was in our bedroom closet.
Oh, I'm sorry, Annie.
I guess you forgot to take it out.
Oh, what is this?
This is a stupid game.
If by stupid you mean awesome.
Basically you get electrified
if you don't push the button fast enough.
It's like musical chairs with electricity.
All right, this sounds like a really masochistic
and juvenile form of entertainment.
Totally.
Obviously I'm in.
What do we do?
Does it hurt?
Does it plug into something?
No, it's already in there.
What's the voltage?
Well, let me, let me, I'll start.
If you're really curious, I'll start the game
and then, and then, and then we can just,
that's all, we'll all, I'll teach you how to play.
I've actually been off all the apps for a few months now.
I think I slept with half of la.
I'm joking.
I don't know, it just wasn't joyful anymore.
It was like, what am I even doing?
I guess I am ready for something more serious.
I guess I kind of misjudged you.
Well, aren't you gonna say something like,
maybe I misjudged you too?
I'm a pretty good read of people.
Of course that's your response.
- Come on. - Of course!
The only reason you said I misjudged you
was so I would say it back to you.
Mm!
Again?
It's your game!
Wow, I haven't been shocked once!
Tom, it looks like you're trying to lose this game.
Well, I'm not, I'm just, I'm rusty.
I, listen, I don't play this all that much, really.
What?
Are you kidding me?
This is like the best game ever.
I agree.
Yeah, another round.
Yeah, keep going.
Come one everybody, one more round!
I'm just getting warmed up!
One more round, one more round!
Really?
One more round, let's get shocked!
My program ends in the spring
and I have no idea what I want to do.
You don't want to do psychology anymore?
No, I do.
I just, I don't know where or how.
They teach you the academics
but they don't give you a roadmap.
And I feel like everyone in my program is setting down roots
and finding their direction, and no path feels right to me.
I don't know.
I've never known what I wanted.
I joined RotC on a whim
and ended up overseas after graduation.
I thought I'll be career military.
Then my tour ended, I came home, got into tech, here I am.
Life works in funny ways.
How did I not know this about you?
You were too busy blathering on
about your program.
Rude!
Yeah, again.
You're terrible at this.
Hey, rematch.
I could tap you out.
No, no, no, I got another one.
Stop hogging the game.
Isn't that what you're doing, Doug?
I am the reigning champion.
Oh, okay.
You know what cliff, maybe you can, you can jump in.
Yeah!
Holy mother of...
It's bad, isn't it?
Way to go, Tom.
Do you have any plans for new years?
I got a few options.
Ah, you don't want to commit
because you're fielding offers
and you want to keep your options open
unless something better comes up.
I know.
The shrink program is really working.
I actually hate new years.
I really do, too much pressure.
You know, you rack your brain to do something special,
when all you really want to do is sit home
and watch the ball drop.
But instead you go out, you spend way too much money.
You stand in a room full of strangers
counting down to a new year in hopes it will be better
than the one you just had?
You've never had a good new year's, that's your problem.
I suppose you've had so many?
Tom and I had some good ones after college.
We were both home for the holidays and neither one
of us wanted to feel stuck at our parents' places.
And my mom, I love her, but she just worries about me.
Always has, always will.
And she didn't want me out on the road with, you know,
all the crazies on the road.
I don't know if you know this or not,
but after 2:00 am, it is crazy central.
So I've heard.
So Tom and I would just camp out in my parents' basement,
play gin rummy and drink my grandmother's boxed wine.
If that's the case, why settle
for some lame warehouse party?
Sounds like you already know what you want.
Excuse me, is this your residence?
No.
Thank you, ma'am.
Miss would have been fine.
Ugh!
It's really not that bad.
The sting goes away relatively quickly.
I should know, I lost about eight times.
Uh, you weren't wearing rings.
I have a ring.
It's open get in here!
It's his place.
Sir?
Is this your apartment?
Yes.
Yes it is.
But we don't own it.
We, we rent, which is not what you asked.
That's not what I, yeah.
Look, we received a noise complaint.
Really?
Oh, that's probably when lenora lost.
She screamed.
Sorry about that.
We were playing a little game.
All right.
I thought this would be kids.
Aren't you a little old to be throwing ragers?
Myself?
No, I don't think so.
I'm very hip, you have no idea.
You are?
I'm very cool, I'm very relaxed.
All right.
How about you tell me that you're wrapping things up
and that as you do, you'll keep things quiet in here.
I promise you that we were going to wrap it up.
I don't mean literally tell me,
I just mean, like you get what I'm saying,
like that's what's happening.
Yes, I promise we will.
It's gonna be a house of mouse, mouses.
It's gonna be quiet.
Okay.
Feels like we've already started.
Yeah.
Anyway, happy holidays.
Thank you.
You as well, also with you.
All right.
Drive safe.
I'll explain it later.
Is the coast clear?
The last time the cops busted a party, I was in high school.
My instincts kicked in.
It's like we're back in college.
Cheer up, it's all fine.
How is it I'm the one who's not freaking out?
Hey man, I was using your bathroom earlier
and the toilet just keeps running.
Like I jiggled the handle and everything
and it just won't stop.
So I think you should fix that.
Okay, thanks cliff.
Because it's just a big waste.
Got it, yep.
We gotta get going.
Oh.
Yeah, we gotta get all the way back to the West Side, so.
Great party, man.
Thank you, yeah.
Listen it's not usually like this.
We're very responsible.
See you Monday.
Do you want to grab a bite or something?
I'm starving.
Yeah.
Let's get out of here.
All right, I'll see you on Monday then.
It's good.
It's okay.
Starving, she said.
I have some cookies left.
- Doug, not now. - For what?
- Not now. - For them.
They're gone.
So it's not really my style to ask,
but I don't have your number.
Is that a question, exactly?
Fine, can I have your number?
Well, only because you asked so nicely.
What are you doing?
Getting a pen.
Just put it on my phone, are you...
No, I'm writing it down.
This is a test, Logan.
Will you put my number in your phone
or do you lose this piece of paper?
Okay.
I hope you pass.
You have to grab it too.
Is this is another test?
No.
I got it.
I let you get it.
Walk you to your car?
Yes, please.
It's like we never see each other at our parties.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
You're always busy playing host.
You are too, you know.
It's not a complaint.
It's just nice to get some me and you time.
Even if it's after everyone else's left?
Who leaves their drink in a plant?
You think we'll have this party forever?
Yeah, of course.
I don't know.
It's just such a thing.
And I love that it's a thing.
It's our thing.
But do you think we'll do it forever?
I guess I just kind of assumed that we would.
Do you feel stuck with me?
Where is this coming from?
Do you feel stuck with me?
I just want to make sure that we're progressing, you know.
Our life is changing.
It's not stagnant.
I'm happy just the way we are.
Are you the way you are forever?
This is a tradition.
We have thrown this party at this very apartment
for the last seven years.
It's special.
People look forward to it.
I look forward to it.
I know, I do too.
I just want to make sure that we're growing together.
I think that's what we're doing.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Maybe people don't account for the longer commute.
Only a few minutes after
when we said it would start.
Yeah, but Natalie always shows up early.
That's when she was coming alone.
Well, what about cliff?
He's always obnoxiously early.
Well that's when all he had to do
was come across the hallway.
You're right.
It's fine, it's fine.
What if nobody wants to drive this far?
Oh honey, put yourself in their shoes.
You would drive an extra 3 minutes
to go to your dear friend's Christmas party.
No, I probably stay in my pj's and binge-watch garbage TV.
Oh.
Oh, ah, move, scoot, scoot.
Okay, all right, yep, yep.
Oh wow!
Come on in.
No trouble parking this year.
Did you hear that, Annie?
She's real!
Sequels are never as good as the originals.
They would not make one
if the first one weren't really, really good.
And just the alchemy of trying to make two
or more great films is something
that almost no one can achieve.
Empire, dark knight, aliens.
Wow, wow, okay.
First of all, "alien" was a masterpiece.
But Reiser!
They could both be great.
This is thunderdome.
Two men enter, one man leaves, Tom.
Doug is such a sore loser.
Our first date, I beat him at catan.
She handed me my hat.
I thought there might not be a second date,
the way he was sulking afterward.
Knowing Doug, there had to be one
so there could be a rematch.
Which I won, handily.
I'll get it.
There was no such thing as an untouchable enemy.
Okay, you probably like the special additions.
We're gonna go there?
And before you say anything and I have to play dumb,
your mom already spilled the beans.
Congratulations!
It just happened!
She promised she wouldn't tell anyone.
I love your mom, but we both know she can't keep a secret.
She's been planning your wedding since we were kids.
Your home is beautiful.
Oh, that's very sweet of you to say.
We're still settling in.
The tree looks good.
This time of year.
Any more than that would be weird, right?
Adler, come see Tom in the kitchen.
If Picasso had better paint,
he'd go back and tinker.
No, he would know that each painting was done.
An artist knows when to stop.
Speaking of knowing when to stop.
Come on, man, you're on my side for this, right?
I don't...
Tom, you remember adler.
I'll be back.
Hey, welcome to the family.
You locked it down quick.
Yeah, couldn't let someone else snap her up.
I already you let her get away once in high school.
Unsolicited wedding advice,
do not forget to eat the hors d'oeuvres.
I didn't get a chance to have a single one
because we were busy taking pictures
during the cocktail hour.
And he's still talking about it.
Well you know.
Get over it.
Natalie, come talk.
Do you have a date yet?
It literally happened this week.
Annie, the last few weeks have been such a whirlwind.
I mean, we must be getting old
because we started talking about marriage really quick.
You are not old.
Says the woman who's been married six years.
Seven.
- Hmm. - Ugh, I'm old.
Oh wow, look at those little fingers,
and those itty-bitty nails.
Oh, you're a natural with her.
I thought I was a natural too
until I changed my first diaper.
She is adorable, but she is vindictive.
Are you vindictive?
Yes, okay.
Well that sums that up.
I love your dress.
What do you say?
Say thank you?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Can you give him a high five?
Wow, thank you!
You're so cute.
Oh, hey man!
Hey, cliff!
What's up?
Oh, classy move bringing the booze.
I just brought myself.
Okay.
Ow.
Hey, can you open this up for me?
You look great.
You're so cute!
Happy maiden voyage!
Oh.
Oh no.
I messed that up.
I brought the beer.
Ah, did you get thirsty on the way in?
Oh, that.
I got cliff-ed on the way in.
Ah, well, when in Rome.
Ah, heisler my favorite.
You've got great taste.
It's your first time to the new place, yeah?
It is, it is.
Yeah, man, I wish I could have come over sooner.
I just, I went home a lot this year, so.
Yeah.
You hanging in there?
Can we just talk about the fact
that Doug is in the other room taking pictures
with a real live human woman?
Yes, I know, that is his girlfriend.
What?
It's a clarkmas miracle!
I guess there's hope for all of us, huh?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry man.
I'm so rude, Logan.
Adler.
How do you know these troublemakers, huh?
Work buddy?
Adler is Natalie's fiance.
That's right.
Nice to meet you.
Have you gotten used to it yet?
Fiance?
By the time we got used to it, we were already married.
Yeah, how do you know Tom?
I've known Logan since junior high.
We were both in the magic club.
He wanted to be penn and teller,
but neither one of us could agree to be the short one.
Obviously, it's probably me.
That's really funny.
I bet you guys were so funny in the magic club.
Adler, is it?
Yeah, that's my name.
Huh.
What are you working on?
What do you do, adler?
I'm an attorney actually.
Wow.
Pretty boring most of the time.
What kind of law do you practice?
That's professional liability
at a mid-level firm downtown.
Mid-level, huh.
Ah, who was it that said, first thing we do,
let's kill all the lawyers?
Huh?
Shakespeare.
Yeah, people sure do love to bring up that quote.
So I know it was Shakespeare that said it.
You don't need to patronize me, Georgetown.
Oh, actually went to Stanford.
Logan, did you see we got a photo booth set up this year?
We always come up with some way to outdo ourselves.
Don't be mad at me.
I didn't want to go to law school either.
Man, what is your problem?
What are you talking about, man?
Come on.
You want her to take pictures, let's take pictures!
Dude, I'm fine.
You don't seem...
This would be the photo booth.
What do you think, this my color?
Is everything okay?
Yeah, I'm great, man.
We haven't talked in a while, which is fine,
but I got a promotion in the fall.
That's great.
I'm a director now.
Director of technical marketing.
That's a great title, right?
- Yeah. - It's great.
I'm great.
Life is great.
Great.
Exactly.
Aw buddy, looks like you're the one
that needs to lighten up, huh?
- Here's a boa. - Okay.
Hey listen.
We do not need to take a picture right now.
We need to get one for your mom.
Come on, she doesn't have enough pictures.
He is funny, isn't he?
Hi Logan.
I hear congratulations are in order.
Yes, they are.
Did you just get here?
Thought you would have ghosted the party.
Nah, I was just chatting it up
with good adler here in the kitchen.
So, we have a wedding date yet?
Huh?
Am I on the list?
No, we're going to tour venues over the holidays
and then we're gonna pick a date.
Well, I call dibs on going to the cake tasting.
That'll be awhile.
Oh, speaking of tastings.
Nina's invitation-only cookies have arrived.
If you'll excuse me.
Oh my gosh, Nina!
So, adler.
Adler, you know what they say?
Never trust a guy with two last names.
I think it's two first names actually.
Is that right?
Mm-hm.
Huh, what do you think, adley?
Addie?
You know what I think,
I think I'm gonna go get some of that famous eggnog
that everyone keeps talking about
and leave you two to catch up.
But hey, really nice talking to you, man.
Thanks, man.
- Hey, speaking of eggnog. - Yeah?
Why don't you grab me a glass while you're in there, huh?
I would love to.
You ghosted me, not the other way around.
Oh my god, that was months ago.
Yeah, exactly, like eight months ago.
But then again, who's counting?
Then you go and rush into something
and now you're taking it out on me?
I am not rushing into anything.
I've known adler since high school.
You can't call that rushing it.
You can, when you're engaged.
If you're so worried I'm off the market
then you shouldn't have completely disappeared on me.
I really liked you.
And I don't know why, but I thought
that something real was there.
And I know things were moving really fast
and that probably scared you...
I don't need your analysis.
But then you totally dropped off the planet.
You should have at least called me.
You messed it up like you do.
And now you see me happy and you have to ruin it?
I'm actually surprised you even showed up tonight.
I thought you'd be too much of a coward.
What if something happened to me?
What if there's an explanation?
Is there?
I'm going back inside.
You're just angry right now
because you know you're making a mistake.
I'm just the messenger.
Screw you.
You wish.
You are such a child.
♪ On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me ♪
♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪
♪ On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me ♪
- Hey. - Hey.
♪ Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree. ♪
♪ On the third day of ♪
So you going home for the holidays this year?
Yeah.
You don't sound so thrilled about it.
Yeah, well,
this will be my first Christmas without my mom, so,
I gotta be there to take care of my dad and my sister.
It's just gonna be weird.
I'm, I'm really sorry.
It is what it is.
Everybody's got to lose a parent sometime.
I don't usually do this, but,
take another.
Please.
Mm, is that sage?
And cardamom.
That's really good.
Thank you.
We should just go, you know?
I don't...
Okay, we can go if you want,
but don't let that guy make you leave a party
that you want to stay at.
I don't really want to stay anymore.
Okay.
There you guys are.
We're gonna do a group photo.
That way Tom and I will know we're at the same party.
You good?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You coming?
Yeah.
I found them, okay, everybody get in here.
We have props, not optional.
- Let's get them out. - My idea.
It was my idea.
Yeah, yeah, Tom's idea.
Oh, mistletoe for the lovers.
- Nina, this is you. - Yeah.
- Obviously. - Gingerbread!
Okay, and, you ready?
One, two, three.
Clarkmas!
- All right. - Awesome.
Hope I didn't blink in that one.
It was so great to see you again.
Yes, take care.
We will see you next clarkmas.
Next clarkmas, it's a date.
Your gingerbread, woo!
I can't wait for next year.
Yeah, there's still food.
Oh.
- Oh yeah, help yourself. - Feel free.
- Okay. - Okay.
All right, okay.
We did it.
Shouldn't have bothered.
I'll put it all up, I don't need any help.
You're dead weight.
Clarkmas isn't happening this year.
You're being dramatic.
I am never dramatic.
We could still have a party.
This year sucks.
We're having a baby.
I have been barfing for the last eight months straight.
There were a couple of weeks in there
where you didn't barf quite as much.
All my pants feel like I'm wearing spanx.
You think I'll be a good dad?
You'll be the best dad.
I'm being serious.
I am serious, you'll be the best dad there ever was.
But you can't tell either of our fathers I said that.
I'm gonna be the good cop.
That makes me the bad cop.
Well, either that or we're both good cops
and we raise a criminal.
Well, that might happen anyway.
If we don't make noise, maybe they'll go away.
You're being ridiculous.
It's probably a boppy or some other thing
your mom insisted on ordering.
Impromptu clarkmas?
I knew if I called, Annie would say not to come over.
You're right!
But it's too late now, so you have to let me in.
Is that true?
Yes, come in.
I come bearing gifts.
Well, unless your gift is a flat stomach
and a painless delivery, I'm not interested.
She's been like this all month.
Don't mansplain your wife.
That's not mansplaining.
Oh, I'm sorry,
would you like to explain to me what mansplaining is?
Actually, I think Tom is right.
He was simply complaining.
You're embarking on a brand new adventure.
The next chapter.
She's not the only one.
Oh right, excuse me, Tom.
You too.
But you too, nat.
If the timing's right, this could be baby's first wedding.
About that.
Oh god, what?
Oh, don't say it like that.
Well, what were you gonna say?
Adler and I are calling it off.
What?
Oh my gosh, are you okay?
No, no, it's fine.
It's, yeah, I'm fine.
It's ah, yeah, we're both fine.
How'd it happen?
Tom!
How did it happen?
Well, it was very mature, actually.
Extremely.
We had just had dinner at his dad and step-mom's house
for Thanksgiving.
And that went great, by the way.
They are very lovely people.
But we were, you know, done with dinner,
on the way to the airport, and we were stuck
in this crappy rental car, you know,
crawling our way towards O'Hare.
And I picked this moment for some reason,
in horrible traffic, to turn to him and say,
this is never gonna work, you know?
He was so weird and quiet after I said it.
Maybe because of the shock
or maybe because he agreed with me.
So I just rambled on about how we were really great friends,
but that we were never in love.
And we really enjoyed each other's company,
but it wasn't electric or something.
And of course an accident is ahead.
So we are stuck in this bumper to bumper traffic,
followed by an airplane ride to la.
Definitely should have waited till after you landed.
And then we, we talked about, you know,
what to do, you know, how to figure it all out.
But funny thing is we're supposed to fly back
for Christmas Eve with my parents and his mom
and his two brothers.
And we haven't told them yet.
Nobody knows, and we're supposed to fly tomorrow.
And I just feel like my mom is gonna be really upset.
Now I have all of this tacky wedding shit
that I really don't need.
Oh honey.
That's what e-bay is for.
Not for monogram napkins.
No, yeah.
That's gonna be tough to get rid of.
It's okay.
Oh, all right.
I found the last box of decorations.
Who wants to help me decorate?
Is this gonna hold this up?
Oh yeah.
This mantle was born to house some acorns.
Those are pine cones, Tom.
Huh?
Pine cones.
You need to center it first.
Don't pull the tape until you have a centered
and know where you want it.
Okay, tape's ready to go.
One step, two step.
A little high, Natalie, a little lower on your side.
That's what I was thinking.
Where are you gonna tape it?
I don't know.
Wherever you tell us.
That's good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Great.
Tom, it's not here.
Did you finish the last of it?
Guilty.
Are you serious?
It's hot chocolate season.
I'll go get some.
No, you don't have to.
Are you kidding me?
I'm gonna go down to that store and I'm gonna track it down.
I'm gonna find your most very favorite brand
and we are having hot chocolate whether you like it or not.
Thank you.
I think you're gonna like it.
Tom's lucky to have you.
Yeah, I'm pretty lucky to have him too.
Just crazy to think how it's all gonna change
in a matter of weeks.
Or less.
Could be early.
Please don't say that.
Seriously though, I mean, people always assume
that the first is late, but my college roommate,
she had her baby three weeks early.
Well, I'd rather not think about that.
But I do think that you should pack a to-go bag
or something, or whatever they call it.
Can you just stop?
It's like the second one you get pregnant,
that's all people want to talk to you about.
Adler's a stupid name, by the way.
It is.
- It is. - Total deal breaker.
You really dodged bullet on that one.
Thank you.
Yeah, if only that was the only flaw.
He was so boring.
Like milk toast.
Like I Ken doll, but with less personality.
What was I thinking?
Ah, you want some more music?
Would that be nice?
Yeah, sure.
What you putting on?
Oh, wouldn't you like to know?
Okay, all right.
Go Annie, go Annie.
Don't laugh at me!
I'm liking it.
I don't know, this is my idea of a party these days.
I guess so.
You sad you didn't have your party?
Yeah, sure.
But you know, we didn't know how I'd be feeling
or if the baby would come early.
So it didn't make sense this year.
It was the right choice.
You can still be bummed though.
The party's never gonna be the same.
Our lives aren't gonna be the same.
That is true.
Don't say that.
Well, it is true though.
I mean, you're starting a new chapter.
You should be excited.
But if I had known last year
was gonna be the last year we had the party.
Annie, I think you're being a little dramatic right now.
You don't get it.
You still have your life ahead of you.
But with every choice that I make,
it's like I'm saying goodbye to the life I have.
And I really like my life.
Well then why don't you be a little more like me,
and avoid every choice that you could make?
I didn't mean...
You have it all, and here you are complaining
about checking off your next life achievement?
That's not what I was saying.
Then what are you saying?
That you have a perfect life and a perfect baby?
Poor you.
It's just really hard when you see everyone around you
doing all the things that you want to do,
and you realize it might not ever be in the cards for you.
Natalie?
That's why I said yes to adler in the first place,
you know?
To go down the path and join the club.
Natalie?
There's no point in going down the path
just because you're afraid you have an expiration date.
Annie?
Annie!
I'm pretty sure that was a contraction.
What?
I am pretty sure that was a contraction.
What do I do?
You need to, you need to time it.
You need to get a timer.
Okay.
It's timing, it's timing.
It was an impulse buy!
Oh!
Yeah, the last one was about 10 minutes ago.
Okay.
Yeah, she's drinking water already.
So that's great.
Now do I need to call before we leave or can I just go?
Okay.
And do I personally need to bring extra clothes?
Of course not, okay.
Oh, okay, thank you.
Okay, what?
So do we go now?
We need to wait.
They need to be less than 10 minutes apart
for an hour straight.
An hour straight?
Oh my god.
I'm going to take a bath.
Great idea.
Do you need me?
You've already done enough.
Never have children.
Right.
Who's ready for hot chocolate?
Do you need to talk about the adler stuff?
No.
Annie exhausted that topic.
Because if you wanted to talk about it, I'm here.
Is Annie okay?
Aside from the human trying to claw its way out of her?
You know what I mean.
She doesn't like the thing she can't control.
I ordered myself a Nintendo switch last night.
Oh.
I'm supposed to be an adult now,
but it feels like the closer we get, the more I revert.
You don't have to say anything.
I think I just needed to tell somebody.
I peeked into the nursery on my way to the bathroom.
It's perfect.
You think so?
Mm-hm.
Logan came over last week to help assemble the crib.
There are a lot of pieces.
They're confusing.
How is he?
Logan?
Good, yeah.
Feel a lot better.
Doing some traveling with work, going to some cool places.
Sort of seeing someone.
Wow, good for him.
Yeah.
Have you met her?
Yeah, actually.
She hosted a game night back in October.
That I won.
Wow.
That's really cool for him.
Is that Doug?
Doug is getting married?
Yeah.
You remember Katrina?
Wow.
Isn't that great?
What, I can mean it and still feel sorry for myself.
Okay.
That's just the case.
These really don't show how long this all takes, do they?
You're telling me.
Don't you dare take a picture of me in this state.
It's clarkmas.
This is not clarkmas.
Oh, who says that it isn't?
Tom, lean in.
She's only getting half your head.
Yeah.
Oh!
Say cheese.
Cheese.
Oh.
Can I see?
- Big, happy family. - Ah.
Annie do...
That's the worst picture of me in the history of photos.
That is not true.
Let's do another one.
Say baby.
Baby.
Tom, what was that?
Nothing, it's all good.
It didn't sound like nothing.
Broken glass never really hurt anyone.
I won't fall for that old trick.
Oh, you woke her up.
Yeah, that definitely wasn't you calling to me
from the other room?
Do you wanna get her or should I?
I'm on it.
Oh, I have a stockpile of bottles in the fridge.
I pumped extra so I can have a drink tonight.
Oh, cheers to you.
I'll get it.
Oh, we made it.
I didn't think Hudson was gonna cooperate.
Follow him.
It is a wonder we ever got out of the house.
Don't ever have a second child.
Hello miss Eloise!
Merry Christmas.
I thought I'd be the first one here, it's tradition.
We started early for the family crowd.
Are you enjoying the party?
Can you say hi?
- Hi. - Hi!
I'm so glad you came.
Why wouldn't I?
It's just nice to see someone without a diaper bag.
No diapers here.
You want to hold that clicker?
Oh my.
You think you can push the button?
Can you take the picture?
Okay, let's try it.
Woo!
Good job!
Tom decided to set up drinks out back this year.
So grab yourself a drink and I'll be right back.
I'm just gonna help him put down Eloise.
These are amazing.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
My son, my son got them for me.
Hudson?
Hudson, yeah, he's a sweetheart.
But aggressive sometimes.
But what I'm saying is that aggression isn't innately bad.
My mother-in-law keeps undoing
everything we've been working on
and she's staying three weeks this Christmas.
Oh my god.
Yay for me.
I don't think we've met yet, I'm Natalie.
Annie's cousin.
Oh, that's so sweet of you to come.
Great outfit.
Thanks.
And what do you do?
I'm a psychologist.
Wow, that's so neat.
Thanks.
Yeah, I really like it.
I wasn't sure I'd find my place in the field,
but I'm very happy.
You must have your life together.
No.
Everybody knows that therapists
are the worst at relationships.
What do you do?
I'm a divorce attorney.
That seems aggressive.
I'm not playing!
Hello, hello!
Hot mama!
Nina, you made it!
And I brought my best sellers, the holiday macaroon trio,
gingerbread, peppermint, spiced eggnog.
Oh!
Is it gauche if I put out business cards next to them?
Oh my god, I love it.
Let me see.
Oh, my mom friends are gonna flip when they see these.
You were going to be doing every child's birthday party
for the next 18 years.
Cha-ching, cha-ching.
Yeah, that's the spirit.
We're leaving tomorrow for New York.
Red eye is the only way to get Hudson across the country.
We've avoided any flights so far.
I made everyone come to us.
Yeah, but that won't last forever, man.
Knock knock, the party can start now.
Hey!
I still miss just walking across the hallway
to get to your party.
At least you don't have to worry
about us burning your place down with ours.
Where's the baby?
I'm really good with kids.
We actually just put her down,
but I am sure she'll be up again soon.
Hey, is that your car
with the baby on board sticker on it?
No, we're the prius.
Oh good, good.
Because I really resent those baby on board cars.
I just don't get it, you know?
It's like, what are they trying to say?
Like don't hit my car because I have a kid?
All right, I won't do it.
They suddenly want me to be a good driver
to avoid hitting this stranger's brat.
Or they're just bragging about having a kid,
which is not really impressive.
A lot of people have kids.
Rats have kids.
Rats have a lot of kids.
There's just the kids all over the place.
They could be having kids right under this floor right now.
Anyone could have a kid, right?
It's my car actually.
Cool.
That's cool.
No, it's real cool.
I like a good Honda.
That's a good sturdy, sturdy vehicle.
Good reliable, reliable car.
This is Mike.
Mike.
Cliff.
Rats?
Yeah.
Babe, just because your parents are visiting
doesn't mean I have to be on good behavior.
They're sleeping in the living room,
you can't play video games while they're in there.
I am very quiet.
Not when you lose.
I'm gonna get the door.
First of all, I rarely lose.
Second of all, I wear a headset.
You know how I know you lost three campaigns last night?
I heard you lose three campaigns last night.
Oh, hello.
Hey, it's nice to see you.
Come on in.
Just fill it with sugar water, the hummingbirds love that.
Oh, I just did that actually.
Hey buddy.
Hey!
How you doing?
Been a while.
Good to see you.
You too.
Why don't I take this into the kitchen?
As long as I get the credit for it.
That sweater's ridiculous.
You know that, right?
You don't like this sweater?
I didn't say didn't like it,
I said it's ridiculous.
Another bottle to add to the stash.
Ooh.
It's from Logan, actually.
This one's fancy.
I know.
The party is a huge success.
You think so?
My catty mommy and me friends left a little early.
But that's because their kid
almost gave that other kid a concussion.
Hudson, he's a maniac.
They have another shot with the sister,
so far she seems sweet.
I don't know, that's debatable.
Yeah.
But it's good that you had the party.
Well, why wouldn't I?
I just thought you might not want it now.
Well, things may be different,
but some things never change.
I hope it hasn't been too boring for you.
No, I've never been more excited to see cliff,
but watching him offend your new friends,
it's like a sport in itself, really.
Oh, could you grab Tom to do the chestnuts with me?
It's his project this year.
We are roasting chestnuts for the party.
Nice.
I got a special pan.
That's a cool pan.
It is.
I'll get Tom.
- Ready? - Mm-hm.
Go.
Perfect.
That was great.
You know, mistletoe is parasitic.
Well, would you look at that, some you and me time
at one of our parties.
Well about about that.
People could walk in, you know.
Then let them walk in and watch.
What was that?
We were supposed to cut them first!
Oh!
Oh, you're right.
Okay, grab a, grab a shield.
Protect yourself.
They're coming down hard.
Stay alive.
Oh gosh.
Watch your face, I'm going in.
You look pretty lonely out here.
Is that your diagnosis, doctor?
Yes, I will have my secretary bill you.
How's the party?
There's only so many conversations you can have
about daycare and sleep training, but c'est la vie.
La vie.
So what's your news?
What's new in the world of Logan?
I bought a condo in the fall.
Wow, congratulations!
That's, that's adulting!
My dad helped me with the down payment.
Still amazing.
And you?
Ugh, so I have to try and impress you now?
It's just conversation.
Well, if you've read my family Christmas card,
you'd know that I took up piano,
traveled to Spain and joined a mid-sized practice
taking care of at-risk children and teens.
They're not really at risk per se,
but my mom wanted it to sound important.
I need to get on this Christmas card list.
Some years she writes a poem.
She retired three years ago.
Hey, I'm sorry things didn't work out with adler.
You remember his name.
It's good you two broke up though.
Now listen, hear me out.
You two are both so good-looking
that your children would come out abnormally good looking,
like so symmetrical that it's weird.
What?
Here's that laugh.
Would it be rude for me to ask what happened with you two?
Yes, incredibly.
You know when a ship steers too far to one side,
and then it overcompensates in the other direction?
I guess I was so critical of everyone that I had been dating
that I completely ignored the red flags with adler.
And eventually I woke up and realized
that I was never in love with him.
I'm glad you realized how critical you were of me.
I did want to say I'm sorry.
I was a real dick and I messed things up.
Which dick thing are you referring to?
I really liked you and it terrified me.
And then when all the stuff started happening with my mom,
she got sick and I just, I closed off.
I just disappeared.
And everything started to snowball and I just,
I shut everyone out.
And by the time she passed, I just felt
like too much time had gone by for me to call you.
I know it sounds stupid,
but I thought maybe I could explain everything
at their party, but then I showed up and you were engaged.
And I just felt like I, if I told you everything,
I didn't want to ruin your engagement.
Okay, maybe I did, a little.
Look, I said, I liked you in the past tense,
but the truth is I still like you.
Does it help at all if I say
that I've been meaning to call you?
Come on, you can't just be silent.
We're getting ready for the photo booth,
get in here.
We better get inside.
Did you hear anything I just said?
I did.
And I, I appreciate it.
But Logan, I just, I can't.
We already gave it a chance.
I'm really sorry.
So we're all in it together.
Squeeze uncomfortably close.
Okay.
One, two, three.
Clarkmas!
Yay!
Hey, thank you everybody.
Thank you.
You can go back to the party.
Thank you for doing your duty.
Drinks, food, we still have food.
So I saw you guys outside chatting.
How'd that go?
It was nice, man.
It was, you know, obviously haven't talked to her
for a long time, so it was good to catch up.
Great.
It's not happening.
I put it all out there, man, but it's, it's too late.
I missed my shot.
You know, Annie and I are doing a little low key thing
for new year's, you should come over for it.
Nah, I got, I got some friends invited me to a party.
I think they're trying to set me up.
Ah-ha, okay, that's great.
Be open to that.
You never know.
Yeah, totally.
Destroy that one please.
It's the best one.
I'm really glad it worked out.
Yah, me too.
It's a great turnout this year.
I mean, us.
You're being weird.
No, you know what I mean, I just.
We were lucky.
Like it's not always that easy.
It is not always that easy.
No.
I think it's your turn.
Mm-hm.
I think it is.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, I'm not keeping count, though, I'm not.
Eloise, sh, sh, sh, you're okay.
Hey!
Oh, wow.
You're going out.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, of course.
How did you get my address?
Tom gave it to me.
You're perpetually late, so maybe a few minutes later
won't be a big deal.
Huh, your place is really clean.
Are we really doing this?
So I thought about what I was gonna say to you
and how I was gonna deliver it.
And well, I brought some props.
So can you please just sit down,
be quiet and be a good listener?
Okay?
Thank you.
So I was at home, gearing up for the ball drop
and I had this great night planned.
I was gonna stay home and had the nice,
relaxed new year's that I always wanted.
And you know what?
It was nice.
I ordered delivery and, oh shit, I ordered delivery.
Anyway, I was sitting there and I realize
that it's not exactly as I always wanted,
because really what I wanted was to be with you.
And I know it's cheesy and dumb,
but I thought I might still have a chance.
So I don't know how to play gin rummy, but I googled it,
and I saw that you just needed a deck of cards.
And I wasn't sure what brand your Nana liked,
but this was on sale.
On sale was her brand.
Okay, shh.
I know you don't care about watching the ball drop,
but I do.
So I thought we could compromise with this doohickey.
Three, two, one, ah!
Happy new year!
Whatever you want to do when the ball drops.
Can I talk now?
Not yet.
Look, I thought about what you said the other night
and you did make some mistakes, and I did too.
And that's okay.
And look, I still think I was right,
that we gave it a chance, but I want to be wrong.
And who knows if we're meant to be,
but I want to be.
It sounded so much better on drive over.
Okay, you may speak now.
Since when do you believe in meant to be?
I'm reconsidering my position.
You know, I'm supposed to this warehouse party.
I see what you're doing,
you're trying to make me squirm.
I think it's working.
Can you just kiss me already?
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
Just one thing, you know
how you said you liked me the other night?
You really should have said love.
Could have avoided this whole wait
if you had just said love.
Yeah but, then you wouldn't be groveling.
I am not groveling.
Begging?
Romancing.
Pleading.
Soliloquy-ing.
I love you, Natalie.
Especially when you grovel.
♪ We'll take a cup of kindness yet ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
♪ Another year gone by ♪
♪ Another Christmas time has come and gone ♪
♪ Another mistletoe ♪
♪ Another ho-ho-ho ♪
♪ Another Christmas song ♪
♪ Christmas time comes once a year ♪
♪ Filled with family, friends and cheer ♪
♪ To days gone by ♪
♪ So raise your glass and drink a toast ♪
♪ To the wish we wish the most ♪
♪ We'll be together here ♪
♪ At Christmas time next year ♪
♪ Another year gone by ♪
♪ Another Christmas time ♪
♪ Another mistletoe, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Another silent night ♪
♪ And all those pretty lights ♪
♪ Say we'll be together here ♪
♪ At Christmas time next year ♪
♪ We'll be together here ♪
♪ At Christmas time next year ♪
♪ We'll be together here ♪
♪ At Christmas time next year ♪
♪ We'll be together here ♪
♪ At Christmas time next year ♪