Got another one coming down, Mike.
Hang on a sec.
I got those...
concert tickets you wanted.
You're kidding!
For Friday night?
Stanley, this is great.
So, what time should I pick you up?
Well, see, here's the thing.
My very best girlfriend just came into town and I know she'd be dying to go to this...
so could we maybe get an extra ticket for her?
They're out. They're sold out. That means there's no more.
Well, I can't let her sit home all alone.
Look, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you just go with your friend.
Stanley, I couldn't do that.
No, come on.
Stanley, you are the nicest guy.
Really, you are.
- Charlie, isn't Stanley the nicest guy? - The best.
That was the most sickening display
- I've ever seen. - I disagree.
I think I'm wearing her down.
Buddy, you know what you need? You need a little change of pace.
Tonight, I'm gonna take you on a love safari.
Deep into the darkest heart of the urban jungle.
Tell me more, bwana.
The Coco Bongo Club. Hottest new joint in town.
Only the crème de la crème need apply.
- So how do we get in? - What, are you kiddin'?
Leave it to me. Trust me, buddy.
This is going to be the perfect night on the town.
Hold the phone.
Killer at three o'clock.
Stand back and observe.
Excuse me, where can I open a new account?
New accounts, right here.
You know, you're lucky you've caught me, I was just on my way out...
Hold this for me, please?
- I will hold anything you want. - Thank you.
Can you help me?
So...
what kind of account do you have in mind?
I'm not sure exactly. You see I'm just terrible with things like that.
That's an interesting tie, Mister...
Ipkiss, Stanley Ipkiss.
Tina Carlyle, it's a pleasure.
The pleasure's all mine.
May I?
May what?
I'm such a mess.
Oh, of course.
That's what they're there for.
As I was saying, about that tie...
kinda reminds me of one of those, what do you call it, ink blot tests.
- A Rorschach test. - Right.
You know, it sort of looks like...
a young woman riding bareback.
Sort of a...
Lady Godiva or something.
Of course.
What do you see, Mr. Ipkiss?
I don't know.
Bright colours...
It's a power tie.
Supposed to make you feel...
powerful.
Does it work?
Now, how about that account?
We have several different plans.
Savings.
Checking.
Savings and checking.
CD's. Savings and CD's.
Checking and CD's.
Savings, checking and CD's. T-Bills.
Or we can just take all your money and throw it in a big mattress back there.
Now, I have some forms for you to fill out.
That's it, sweetheart. Now just a little bit to the right.
Could you guys keep it down back there?
We'll try.
- So what do you think? - Layout's not bad. But them...
motion detectors are a pain in the ass.
- But you can pull this off, right? - Hey.
You talking to the Doctor.
I do have one question.
Which is?
What does Niko have to say about this?
Nothing.
- This isn't his grift. - Get real, man.
Everything is his grift.
He owns you, he owns this club, he owns this whole stinking town.
Things change.
You mess with Niko, you end up taking a dirt nap.
He's the only one who's napping...
and I'm about to give him a serious wake-up call.
But we need some cash...
so first we take the bank...
then we take Niko...
and then, my friend, school is out.
And this whole city is our playground.
Hey, bub, watch where you're going!
Hello!
Hang on, hang on!
Don't get your panties in a twist, would ya?
Hey Burt, what the hell is it?
I don't know...
about seven hundred bucks, eh?
Now, what can I do for you, bub?
I'm here for the Civic.
The brake drums are shot and you need a new transmission.
What?!
All I wanted was an oil change.
Well you're lucky we caught these problems now before they caused you some serious trouble.
Sign right here, and press down hard.
- There's no price. - There will be.
I don't have a car. I have to have a car tonight.
- Irv! - Yo.
Bring around the loaner.
The loaner?
It's a classic.
Charlie.
Stanley.
Gals, I want you to meet my buddy Stanley Ipkiss.
Humungo in the banking business.
- Not really. - Hey what do you say, we get in this joint, huh?
Yo Bobby! How you doing, buddy?
- It's Charlie! - Hey, Charlie, how you doing?
- How are you? How are you doing, my friend? - Long time no see.
Hey, good to see you. Okay then.
Come on, gals. Let's get going.
See you on the inside.
Bobby?
Eh, Charlie? Charlie!
This is a mistake.
You crossed the rope. Never cross the rope.
- But my friends are on the inside. - Lose him.
Hey, come on now guys. Now this isn't fair.
Watch it, I'm a bleeder.
Put me down right now, or I am never coming back here.
Ah jeez.
Mr. Ipkiss! Hi.
Hi.
Are you okay?
Me?
I'm great..
Really good.
I just never felt better, really.
I'm just...
catching some air out here.
Your car, sir.
That's not my car.
But it matches the ticket.
Alright...
I'll take it.
But I am very angry!
Believe this?
You drive in in a Porsche...
Oh, jeez!
Hey!
Hey, Mister!
Hold on!
I know CPR!
Hey, you!
What are you doing down there?
I'm just looking for...
my mask!
I got it.
Ipkiss! Do you have any idea what time it is?
Actually, no.
My new carpet!
Well, this is coming right out of your security deposit, Ipkiss.
You know, Mrs. Peenman...
What?
Nothing.
Well, that's what you are, Ipkiss, a big nothing.
Aren't you due back at the laboratory to get your bolts tightened?
I should have said that.
Hey, you.
Milo!
You know you're not supposed to jump up. It's against doggie ordinance.
What?
You want me to throw that?
I'm very tired.
Okay. I'll throw it one time.
I cannot throw it with you attached to it.
You ready?
Get it.
Ipkiss! Turn down those cartoons!
Alright, Mrs. Peenman!
So Dr. Neuman, you're saying that everybody wears a mask?
That's correct, Wendy.
We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking.
We suppress the id, our darkest desires...
and adopt a more socially acceptable image.
Well, the book is of course "The Masks We Wear" by Dr. Arthur Neuman.
Thank you so much for being with us today.
What's the matter with you?
What is it?
What are you looking for?
You like this thing? You like it?
"The Masks We Wear".
"That's correct, Wendy.
"We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking."
Yeah, right.
Smoking!
It's party time.
P-A-R-T...
Why? Because I gotta.
Snooze!
Look, ma, I'm road kill!
- Hey, get out of the road! - I think he wants to communicate.
Hey, mister...
you got the time?
As a matter of fact, I do, Cubbie!
- You wanna take him? - Yeah.
Look at that!
It's exactly two seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head.
Come on!
- Kill him! Come on! - Come on! Take him!
Step right up here, don't be shy!
Nobody likes a bashful leather head.
Move it!
For my first trick...
I'd like to do something for you, son.
We have a giraffe. There you go, son. Now get out of here, you bother me.
Now...
Sorry, wrong pocket.
For you, son...
a little body English.
A French poodle.
Sorry son, the dog was rabid, had to put it down.
And last but not least, my favourite.
A Tommy gun.
This is incredible.
With these powers I could be...
a superhero.
I could fight crime, protect the innocent...
work for world peace.
But first...
Hold onto your lug nuts, it's time for an overhaul.
It was a dream.
I must lay off the cartoons.
Ipkiss, Stanley Ipkiss?
Yes.
Lt. Kellaway, City Precinct. You know anything about the disturbance last night?
Disturbance?
Yeah, some kind of prowler broke in and attacked Mrs. Peenman.
Attacked?
You didn't hear anything?
She unloaded a couple of rounds of 20 gauge buckshot 5 feet from your door.
Look at the floor. See that?
He put that right in my floor, then he jumped out...
the window. Officer, are you writing notes?
This is...
impossible.
Those pyjamas are impossible. This actually happened.
See, I have...
an inner ear problem.
- Sometimes I can't hear anything. - Is that a fact?
Here's my card. If you remember anything unusual about last night...
anything at all, call me.
You bet ya. Thank you.
And good luck...
cracking the case.
Oh, my God, I'm late!
Keys, keys...
Where's the keys?
Damn.
Milo! Get the keys.
Get them! Find them.
Get the keys.
I am so late.
Good boy. Good boy.
Come on, Milo. Give them to me. Drop it!
- I want a proctologist standing by. - What?
You heard me! The best one you can find.
I'm with the Evening Star. Can you tell me what happened here?
- No, and you can quote me. - Well, it looks like some sort of Mob tactic.
There it is, boys. She broke the case. Come on, get these rubbernecks out of here.
Hey Stanley. Stanley, Stanley!
Where were you last night? The girls and I were looking all over for you.
Did you happen to look outside, in the gutter?
Hey, did you check the morning paper?
Your girlfriend got a great review.
Ipkiss, you're 40 minutes late. That's the same as stealing.
I'm sorry, Mr. Dickey. It'll never happen again. I've been a jerk.
Well, if you weren't busy oogling girlie pictures...
you might get some work done around here.
Sir. She's a perspective client of Stanley's.
Oh really?
Well.
The next time she comes in...
you be sure to send her to my office.
You bet ya.
Gee, I wish my daddy owned a bank.
Then I could be a rich little creep too.
You think she'll ever come back, Charlie?
Oh, man, forget her. Stanley, listen to me.
A girl like that is always looking for the BBD: the Bigger Better Deal.
You don't know that, Charlie.
She's an artist. She's...
- she's sensitive. - Stanley, forget her.
That girl will tear out your heart, put it in a blender and hit "frappé".
You don't need her, man. You need somebody down to earth.
Somebody with some integrity. Somebody with...
red hair...
and full, pouting lips...
a white blouse, green jacket and a name tag.
Boy, you really narrowed it down.
Too bad she's already taken.
Hello there, may I be of some assistance?
Stanley Ipkiss?
Hi! I'm Peggy Brandt from the Tribune.
Oh, hi.
Look I cancelled my subscription because they kept stealing my paper...
Oh no no, actually, I was just gonna ask you a few questions.
Really? About what?
Ripley Auto Finishing. You're a customer of theirs, aren't you?
Me, no?
I don't even have a car.
You know, 'cause they pollute.
You don't own an '89 Civic?
Oh, that car, yeah.
Yeah.
It's all coming back to me.
Miss... What did you say your name was?
Peggy Brandt.
Wait a minute.
Peggy Brandt?
Of "Ask Peggy"?
Yeah that's right.
You printed one of my letters last year.
Remember? "Nice Guys Finish Last".
- You're Mister Nice Guy? - Yes!
Oh Stanley! Do you realize how much mail we got about that letter?
I mean there are literally hundreds of women out there looking for a guy just like you.
- Really? - Yeah!
Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town?
Most of 'em think monogamy is some kind of wood.
So why are you covering this story?
Because "Dear Peggy" pays dick. I'm starving to death.
I'm looking to become a real reporter.
Look, Stanley, when you were at Ripley Auto did you see anything suspicious?
Anything at all?
I won't make trouble for you.
I just want the truth.
God, I wish I knew the truth. You know, I really do.
No.
Well, if you think of anything...
this is my number.
This is my...
you know, personal number.
You really think hundreds of women are looking for a guy like me?
Sure.
I'm one of them.
120 yards.
Hello, Dorian.
Thanks for dropping by.
Yeah, well... Next time, why don't you call, right? Leave the delivery boys at home.
The cops...
tried to shut the club down this morning.
They say you've been using the place to run your own small-time scams.
I hear things like that...
I start losing my concentration.
My game...
it goes straight to hell.
You could too.
205 yards.
I'm fed up with you, Dorian...
but...
I'm going to cut you a break.
One week to get out of town.
After that...
I'll use your empty little skull to break in my new nine iron.
Mr. Ipkiss, hi.
Hi.
You okay?
Your car, sir.
I am now.
Tina, come on.
You can't.
Milo!
Go on.
I don't believe it.
Stupid.
She would never...
No way!
Hold on, Sugar.
Daddy's got a sweet tooth tonight.
Somebody, stop me.
Can't make the scene if you don't have the green.
I better make a little stop.
How's it going, Freeze?
Looking good here, my man.
Okay, you boys are on your own now. I gotta get go downstairs and make sure I'm seen.
Do it.
The doctor is about to operate.
Sorry, fellas. Waste not, want not.
Cops!
You're not on the list, you're not in the club, alright?
How do?
Are you on the list?
No, but I believe my friends are. Perhaps you know them?
Franklin, Grant and Jackson.
Stay behind! That's it, that's it! Nobody's getting in.
And now we present to you the most beautiful flower of the Congo Bongo...
Miss Tina Carlyle.
Beautiful.
♪ Love makes me treat you ♪
♪ The way that I do Gee, baby ♪
♪ Ain't I good to you ♪
♪ There's nothing too good ♪
♪ For a boy that's so true ♪
♪ Gee, baby Ain't I good to you ♪
♪ I bought you a fur coat for Christmas ♪
♪ A diamond ring ♪
♪ A Cadillac car ♪
♪ And everything ♪
♪ Love makes me treat you ♪
♪ The way that I do ♪
♪ Gee, baby Ain't I good to you ♪
♪ Love makes me treat you ♪
♪ The way that I do ♪
♪ Gee, baby Ain't I good to you ♪
♪ There's nothing too good ♪
♪ For a man so true ♪
♪ Gee, honey Ain't I good to you ♪
♪ I know how to make a man happy I'll treat you right ♪
♪ With lots of love and just a... ♪
- What the hell are you doing here? - We got trouble.
You better come upstairs.
Come on, let's go.
♪ They got me paying taxes ♪
♪ For what I gave to you ♪
♪ Gee, baby Ain't I good to you ♪
Let's rock this joint.
Smoking.
What happened?
Someone hit the joint before got her.
Get that, Doc.
Here, my buddy. Suck on that.
Son of a bitch!
Eddy, who did this, man?
Who?!
Him!
Him! There! That's the guy.
That guy dancing with Tina?
He's dead meat.
Come on.
I want this place cleared right now.
Hello!
Club's closed. Move it! You think I'm joking? Come on, move it!
Party's over. Everyone, let's go!
Tina, get out of here.
Get lost!
Okay, Twinkle Toes.
I wanna know where my money is, and I wanna know right now.
Okay.
You've got 17.5% in T-bills amortised over the fiscal year.
8% in stocks and bonds.
Carry the 9, divide by the Gross National Product...
Fortunately, funeral bouquets are deductible.
Ice this deadbeat.
Shoot him!
Thank you very much.
You got me, partner.
Hold me close, Red.
It's getting dark.
Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out.
Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas.
Tell Scarlet I do give a damn.
Pardon me.
Thank you.
You love me.
You really love me.
You're not going anywhere.
Drop it, Tyrel!
Hey, Kellaway.
Drop it.
So you got a warrant this time? Or did you stop by for a nightcap?
What I got is probable cause.
Couple of your boys were spotted knocking over Edge City Bank.
Easy. You're giving me a woody.
And one of 'em was wearing a big, green mask.
You know, for once, Kellaway, you're right.
Except it wasn't one of my boys.
Maybe if you tried a little actual police work...
- Cuff him. - Hey Lieutenant!
We got a stiff upstairs. It's one of the guys from the heist.
Better call that high-priced lawyer of yours, Tyrel.
You and I are going downtown for a little chat.
Get him out of here.
Ipkiss.
Ipkiss, I know you're in there.
Police!
Open up!
Oh, my God.
Ipkiss, I know you're in there!
Open up!
Come on, I'm getting blisters on my fingers.
Milo, no. No!
No! No, no!
Stop it.
I'm coming, okay.
I'm coming. I'll be right there.
Let's go, Ipkiss, move it!
Alright!
Hi, Lieutenant.
Listen, this isn't the best time right now. I just...
Won't you come in?
Where were you last night, Ipkiss?
Here, mostly.
Is something wrong?
What do you know about this mask character?
"Mask?"
Don't insult my intelligence, Ipkiss.
He robs the bank you work in, then I find this in the Coco Bongo.
There can't be 2 idiots with pyjamas like these.
Milo, no!
May I see those pyjamas, Mr. Ipkiss?
Those pyjamas?
Those... Those... Those pyjamas were...
stolen.
Somebody stole your pyjamas?
I mean, what is this city coming to...
when a man's pyjama drawer is no longer safe!
Look at that guy.
- Nobody's that fast at my bank. - I'll say.
I don't know, boss. That's one hell of a rubber mask.
What do the lab reports say?
I only got some got fingerprints on some of the currency, but nothing matches Tyrel's men.
Looks like this guy beat them to the punch.
Get the bank employee files and run down the prints on a guy named Ipkiss. Stanley Ipkiss.
You figure it was an inside job, huh?
That's right, and all I need is a couple of prints to lock this whack job up till doomsday.
50 grand...
50 grand to the man who finds that green-faced son of a bitch before the cops do.
I want you to get the word out to every street hustler...
to every low life in this town. You understand?
I want him here tomorrow, alive.
You still here?
Come on, let's go!
What are you looking at?
You.
You're losing it, Dorian.
I'm not losing anything...
except maybe some extra baggage around here.
What is that supposed to mean?
You know...
You weren't putting up much of a fight in that freak show last night when he tried to kiss you.
Did it look like I had much of a choice?
Maybe you did...
maybe you didn't. Who knows, right?
I'll tell you one thing.
It's going to be payback for anybody who crosses me.
Ipkiss!
We have a crisis on our hands here and you stroll in over an hour late?
If I have to put up with your...
Back off, monkey boy...
before I tell your daddy you're running this place like it's your own personal piggy bank.
Or maybe we should call the IRS...
and see if we can arrange a little vacation for you at Club Fed?
That'll be all, Ipkiss.
Genius.
That was genius. Buddy, I have chills.
God! What side of whose bed did you wake up on, man?
I'm not sure.
I haven't exactly been myself lately.
Well you don't look real fabulous, now.
Really, do I look bad?
Not to worry. This'll put the colour back in your cheeks, my friend.
2 tickets to the charity ball at the Coco Bongo Club, this Saturday night.
Anybody who's anybody will be there.
Want to be my date?
Charlie, I...
Wait just a minute.
- Tina, what are you doing here? - I just wanted to thank you, but...
I'm not sure if I'm gonna have much to open an account with anymore.
What about the club? I thought you were doing great.
Look, it's not your problem. I'll be okay.
Tina, come here.
You didn't stop by just to see me, did you?
It's okay, tell me.
The guy they say robbed this place...
- The Mask? - I think he was at the club last night.
Really?
They say he's pretty...
weird looking.
Yeah, but...
you ought to see him dance.
So, did anyone find out who he is?
Why are you interested?
Just curious, I guess.
Well, I better be going.
Thanks for everything, Stanley.
You'd like to see him again, wouldn't you?
I wouldn't mind.
I know him, you know.
You do?
We're old college buddies, him and me.
It's funny you should mention the way he dances because...
I taught him a couple of dance moves myself.
Do you think you could have him meet me tonight?
I might be able to work something out.
- How about at Landfill Park? - Okay. Sunset.
- Perfect. - Super.
Thanks, Stanley. You really are a nice guy.
This is an interesting piece, Mr. Ipkiss.
Looks like fourth- or fifth-century Scandinavian.
Possibly a representation of one of the Norse night gods, maybe Loki.
Loki?
Who is Loki?
The Norse god of mischief.
Supposedly he caused so much trouble that Odin banished him from Valhalla forever.
Then he could have banished him into that mask.
I'm talking about mythology, Mr. Ipkiss.
This is a piece of wood.
But your book...!
My book is about masks as a metaphor, Mr. Ipkiss.
A metaphor, not to be taken literally.
You suffer from a mild delusion.
Alright.
I'll prove it to you.
But I am not responsible for the consequences.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride, Mr. Expert.
You don't scare me, Mr. Ipkiss. Go right ahead.
See you.
Okay. You said Loki was a night god. Maybe it only works at night.
Mr. Ipkiss, I should warn you that I don't work personally with really sick people.
There are private institutions for things like that.
However, if you would like me t arrange for a safe environment for you tonight, I can do that.
No.
I've gotta see Tina.
But what do I do, I mean?
Do I go as myself...
or the Mask?
If I tell you, you promise to leave my office right now?
Alright.
Mr. Ipkiss...
go as yourself and as the Mask.
Because they are both one and the same beautiful person.
Got the cross-check on the fingerprints for you. It's Ipkiss alright.
I'm looking at him.
Just keep the SWAT team standing by.
If this guy's half as bad as he's supposed to be, we're gonna have a full dance card.
Did you have a pickle relish?
Go on, get in the car.
- But I ordered onion rings. - Doyle!
Stanley!
What are you doing here?
Yeah, hi!
I just wanted to come by and make sure that you two got together all right.
That's nice.
You know, I hardly ever stop by here.
It's kinda hard to believe it was just a garbage heap.
Yeah, it's...
It's really beautiful right around sunset.
The methane emissions really pick up the colours.
All those pinks and greens.
My friend will be along here any minute. I better go.
Stanley, wait.
Stanley?
Stanley!
Hello, chérie.
We meet again!
Is it fate?
Is it meant to be? It is written in the stars...
that we are destined to fraternize?
I'd like to think so.
Kiss me, my dear, and I will reveal my croissant.
I will spread your pâté. I will dip my ladle in your vichyssoise.
She is so coy.
I love it.
Our love is like a red, red rose.
And I am a little thorny.
Je t'adore! Je t'adore!
Shoot the window. I don't care!
This is Kellaway. I need back-up and I need it now.
Cigarette?
No?
Now, like Napoleon...
I will divide and conquer.
Ipkiss, police!
Merde.
Freeze.
Put your hands up.
But you told me to freeze.
Alright, alright, unfreeze.
You're under arrest.
No, it wasn't me.
It was the one-armed man.
Alright, I confess.
I did it, you hear? And I'm glad, glad, I tell you!
What are they going to do to me, Sarge? What are they going to do?
Sorry, son, that's not my department.
Search him.
Where's a camcorder when you need one?
Ah, looks like it's going to be a long night. My wife's gonna kill me.
- What is it, Murray? - Cops got your pal Ipkiss taken at Landfill Park.
Let me cover it, Murray. I really need this story. You go home to Claire.
Oh, I don't know. Tell you, Ramsey said...
I will take care of Ramsey.
Thanks a million, I owe you one.
Really big sunglasses...
Bike horn...
- Small-mouthed bass... - Bowling pin...
Mouse-trap...
Rubber chicken...
- Little to the left. That's it. - I don't know.
Funny eyeball glasses...
I've never seen those before in my life.
- Bazooka. - I have a permit for that.
- Picture of Kellaway's wife... - What?
Margaret! You son of a bitch!
Geez, I figured you had a sense of humour. After all...
You married her!
That's got to hurt.
Get him!
Doyle!
It's all over, Ipkiss. Put your hands over your head or we'll open fire.
Hit it!
♪ They call me Cuban Pete I'm the king of the rumba beat ♪
♪ When I play the maracas ♪
♪ I go chick-chicky boom Chick-chicky boom ♪
♪ Yessir, I'm Cuban Pete ♪
♪ I'm the craze of my native street ♪
♪ When I start to dance everything goes Chick-chicky boom, chick-chicky boom ♪
♪ The señoritas they sing And they swing with their Romero ♪
♪ It's very nice ♪
♪ So full of spice ♪
♪ And when they dancin' they bring a happy ring Without a care-o ♪
♪ Singing a song All the day long ♪
♪ If you like the beat Take a lesson from Cuban Pete ♪
♪ And I'll teach you to Chick-chicky boom
♪ Chick-chicky boom Chick-chicky boom ♪
♪ He's a really modest guy ♪
♪ Although he's the hottest guy ♪
♪ In Havana In Havana ♪
♪ Si, señorita I know ♪
♪ That you will like to chicky-boom chick ♪
♪ It's very nice So full of spice ♪
♪ I place my hand on your hip ♪
♪ And if you will just give me your hand ♪
♪ Then we shall try Just you and I ♪
♪ Olé! ♪
- Not bad. - Shut up and help me down.
♪ And I'll teach you to chick-chicky boom Chick-chicky boom, chick-chicky boom ♪
Start dancing, I'll blow your brains out.
Give me that thing.
See you!
There he is! Let's get him. Snap out of it. Come on, this dance is over!
Let's go! Follow me, officers!
He's down the alley. Follow me. Come on. Grab your gun.
Stanley!
Stanley, get in!
There he is!
Halt, or I'll shoot!
Shoot! Shoot!
Seat belts.
I missed him.
Come on, we all missed him.
I saw it.
I saw everything.
What's happening to you, Stanley?
It's crazy.
I'm losing control.
When I put that mask on...
I can do anything.
Be anything.
It's wrecking my life.
My life is wrecked. Wrecked!
Wrecked!
Look, I don't know what's happening to you, Stanley...
but I do know this:
that letter you sent my column...
that was from a guy with more guts...
and more heart...
than any of the creeps that I've met in this city.
Whatever that mask is...
you don't need it.
You...
Stanley Ipkiss...
are already all you'll ever need to be.
Gosh, Peg...
do you really mean that?
Actually...
no.
What?
What took you guys so long? I've been vamping here for like 20 minutes.
Is this him?
You got the 50 thou'?
Give her the money.
Right.
When he puts on the mask, he turns into that green thingamajig.
Maggie!
What are you doing?
Sorry, Stanley. You really are a great guy, I just can't lose my condo.
You know how hard it is to find an apartment in this city.
You said you wouldn't hurt him!
I lied.
Stanley!
Tell me.
How's this mask work?
I don't know. You just...
put it on.
Boss...
you better be careful, huh?
What a rush.
Whoa, boss! You okay?
I'm better than ever, you idiot.
What do we do with Ipkiss?
The police are looking for the Mask.
So we'll give them the Mask.
The money better be here, Ipkiss...
or you can Ip-kiss your ass goodbye.
Hey Orlando.
Go!
I still can't believe it. Hardened cops dancing in the street...
and broadcast all over the 11 o'clock news.
- The SWAT team got an offer to open in Vegas. - I'm history.
The Captain's gonna have my badge for breakfast with a little pension on top.
Ah, come on, Lieutenant. It's not all your fault. Something will turn up.
Sure, Stanley Ipkiss is gonna fall right into my lap.
Get off! Get him off of me!
Just guess!
Wait!
I can explain everything.
Oh yeah? You can explain everything? Explain this!
Get him up! Come on! Let's go! I got a cell for you, pal.
Milo.
Better forget about me, buddy.
Find yourself a new place to live.
Looks like I'm gonna be in here for a long, long time.
Hey you, with the face.
You got a visitor.
Tina!
Hello, Stanley.
- What are you doing here? - Is it true?
You're the Mask.
Yeah, but don't tell anybody. If I...
get a good lawyer and strike up a deal, I can be out of here in about 10,000 years.
You're taking a chance, coming here.
Your boyfriend might be a little upset.
He's going to the charity ball tonight. He's gonna do something terrible.
Like what? The Lambada?
Stanley, this is serious. There's gotta be a way to stop him.
How does it work?
I don't know.
It's like...
It's like it brings your innermost desires to life.
If deep down inside you're...
a bit repressed and a hopeless romantic...
you become some sort of a...
love-crazy wild man.
And if you're somebody like Dorian?
Then we're all in big trouble.
And if I were you, I'd get out of town. Fast.
Thanks.
For what?
Lots of things.
Sharing a sunset with me.
For being the only guy who treated me like a person, and not some sort of...
party favour.
For being any kind of romantic...
even a hopeless one.
You're welcome.
You know, that night at the club...
I knew I'd found someone special.
- The Mask. - No.
It was the guy inside the Mask.
It was you all along.
Stanley.
Ip...
kiss...
Okay, lady, time's up.
Could I have just...
one more minute?
I've got to disappear for a while now, Stanley.
I don't know where I'm gonna go, but I'll let you know as soon as I can.
Somebody help me!
No!
Guard, guard, guard!
There's a woman's being chased through the alleyway there.
Come on! She needs help.
Yeah, yeah, sure. Keep it down, Ipkiss.
Come on! Serve and protect, man!
Milo!
Milo?
Milo! Good boy. Come on. Come on.
Jump up. Come on! Can you jump up?
Remember how I taught you not to jump up on people? Forget all that.
Okay. Come on! Come here.
Get up. Get up here!
Get up. Get up here. That's it.
You can do it. Come on. Come on!
Come on!
Come on! Milo!
Put some effort into it!
Baby, there you are.
I was beginning to get all worried about you.
- Nice little talk with the cops? - I just went to see what Ipkiss told them.
Oh, that's right, you and Stanley right? You two are getting awfully close.
Maybe it was you who helped him out with the bank job.
- That's ridiculous. - Oh, is it?
Look what I found in her car.
You planning a little trip without me, baby?
No?
Boys, I want you to...
pick her out something pretty to wear, okay?
We're going to go to a party tonight.
We're going to have one hell of a time, aren't we? Yes.
Get out of my sight.
Jump up.
Get up. Come on.
Come on, Milo. Jump, please.
Do it for Daddy.
That's it!
God, I can't believe it.
Good boy. Good boy.
See that man over there?
He's got keys.
Yeah.
Go get those keys.
Go get them. Go get the keys. Go get them.
That's it.
Yeah.
Get the key.
No, not...
Not the cheese, the keys.
Put the cheese down...
and get the keys. Go on!
Over there, over there.
Yeah!
Oh, man. Come on.
Come here. Good boy.
That's a good boy.
Good boy.
Give it. Give it, give me the keys. Give me the keys.
Come on, come on, drop it, drop it.
Drop it!
It's sundown.
It's almost time.
I wouldn't do that, darling.
Wouldn't want to start the celebration early, would you?
Milo!
Hold it!
I am warning you, I'm...
seriously stressed out here.
Easy, Ipkiss.
Come on.
Don't be an idiot.
You're in the middle of a police station. There is no way you're walking out of here like this.
You're know, you're right.
- You're absolutely right. - What the hell are you doing?
You're gonna take me out...
as your prisoner.
Put it on! Put it on!
Come on.
- I'm really very sorry about this. - I'm sure. Milo!
You got the wrong guy, I tell you!
It's a bum rap.
I got my rights!
Hey, Lieutenant. Where are you taking Ipkiss?
Ixnay! Ehay's otgay an ungay.
I get it. Pig Latin, right?
Eesay ouyay aterlay.
Come on!
Why don't you just sit back and relax?
I've got to change for the party.
I need a pack of cigarettes.
- Which brand, sir? - It doesn't matter, I don't smoke.
But for you, I would shoot the Surgeon General.
Mayor Tilton, may we have a word with you?
Well, I always have time for the press and my loyal constituents.
Let me out of these cuffs, Ipkiss, you're driving like a maniac.
I'm sorry, we're already late for the ball.
Right. Alice and the white rabbit are gonna be really disappointed.
Now you're being cynical.
Who the hell are you?
I'm just an ex-employee...
who has come for his back pay.
Or should I say payback?
Dorian?
Kill him.
Come on.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I will be your host for the remainder of the evening.
Ipkiss, get your dog away from me.
I'm sorry, he seems to be attracted to you.
Wait a minute. Where is everybody? Something's not kosher here.
- Exactly. - Watch it!
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to lock you in.
- Use the radio. - What?
You know, call for backup or something.
Milo.
This could be dangerous. You stay here and be a good boy.
Daddy's gonna have to go kick some ass.
He's a dead man.
Down! Get down!
Come on, come on!
Come on! Line 'em up over here.
Take it easy, I got the point.
Blow it!
Bastard.
What's the matter, darling?
This is your big production number.
And you know it's important to go out with a big bang.
Charlie!
What are you doing here?
Look, take this gun and start sneaking people out the back.
Right.
You two step back.
- You don't know who you're talking to, do you? - I'm talking to a dead man if you don't step back like I said.
Hey! Don't you have respect for law and order?
- What kind of thug are you? - It's all set, Dorian.
That's it.
This party's over...
in 10 minutes.
This is the moment of truth...
when a man shows what he's really made of.
Crap.
Drop it, Ipkiss.
Smart dog.
Hey Boss, look who decided to crash the party.
Hi Dorian! How's it going?
- Bring him up here! - Dorian!
Dorian, wait! No!
It's no time for last requests.
But all I wanted was a kiss.
A kiss?
Just one last kiss.
Dorian, I can't shut this thing off.
There's always time...
for one last kiss.
From the real Dorian.
The one I used to love.
Nobody ever kissed me like Dorian Tyrel.
Romeo!
This whole place is gonna blow in a couple of minutes!
Just wait!
I've decided...
to give her one last thrill.
Get it!
Run, Milo!
Stanley, hurry!
Don't worry, Tina.
It's all over now.
Stanley!
Got you.
I'm gonna take you apart.
Well I hope you can enjoy the victory with one freaking eye!
Good doggie.
I'm winning!
Stanley?
Stanley!
Yeah!
Milo!
Oh, my God!
This has gotta be a new breed.
Easy, boy!
Good boy!
Did you miss me?
I guess not!
Now, you have to ask yourself one question:
"Do I feel lucky?"
Well...
Do you...
punks?
Stanley!
That's a spicy meatball.
How do?
This guy's incorrigible.
You were good, kid, real good...
but as long as I'm around, you'll always be second-best, see?
Police! Hands up!
Officers, arrest those men.
I've always wanted to say that.
Come on.
Give me that gun.
He stole all our jewellery. Take me down to headquarters...
Stop that man!
Ipkiss!
I've got you now, Ipkiss.
Watch it, Chunky!
- Mayor Tilton, I'm so... - What the hell is wrong with you, Kellaway?
That man is the Mask.
No. Dorian Tyrel was the Mask. I saw it with my own eyes.
This young man here just saved our lives.
- With a little help from his friends. - You're a real hero.
Doyle!
Well, it's nothing...
any American with...
balls of steel wouldn't do for his community.
Milo! Come on.
Hey, wait, that dog! Mayor Tilton, did you see that dog?
Leave the dog alone.
I want to see you in my office first thing tomorrow.
- Yes, Your Honour. - Boy, that doesn't sound good at all.
No, it doesn't sound good. What would sound good to you?
- Breakfast. - Shut up!
You sure you know what you're doing, buddy?
I'm sure.
Then do what you gotta do.
Sure you're not gonna miss this guy?
When he's gone, all that's left is me.
Milo!
Smoking!