Julia.
Look what you did.
Look what you did again.
Why can't you do anything right?
You are pathetic Julia.
I'm sorry mom.
I won't be.
I promise.
I'm a good daughter.
Hey.
Where's my mom?
Luke?
Do you see my mouse?
Kick him out.
Luke?
What is it?
I need you to go to the drug store to get me pills.
I can't, I'm late for work.
Are you fucking kidding me?
About time, you're over an hour late.
At least I fucking showed up.
Oh, and nice shoes.
What are you wearing, man?
Dude, we're hiking.
Oh, is that what we're doing?
Huh. You know what, I did, I got that memo.
It was right after I said my vows,
and my best man and ring bearer was MIA at my wedding.
Is that why you're not wearing it?
I'm glad you're here, buddy.
I appreciate it.
Anyways so
What happened to your Fiji honeymoon anyway?
The restaurant needed me,
and Celine had to work Fashion Week in Paris,
so it's fine.
Let's do it, let's do nature.
Might want to cover those ankles.
The bugs are gonna love that white pasty skin.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I hope she has your eyes.
I do.
I hate my eyes.
What are you talking about?
You have beautiful eyes, intense.
I hope she has your smile.
Yeah, that one.
I'm scared.
Yeah, I know, me too.
Thanks.
Thank you.
No, I mean I'm really scared.
Maybe the women in my family
are all missing some sort of maternal gene or something.
Babe, you're nothing like your mother.
I can be so mean.
Come on, you of all people should know that.
You're not mean.
You're a fighter.
Now look.
So just out of curiosity
when was the last time you were up here?
I came up here once.
When?
Remember the yoga instructor?
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That does not count.
The Busac story, right?
Where you got wasted and you passed out,
and hippie chick couldn't even wake you up.
They had to call on the park rangers?
Look, despite my shit, and your shoe fail,
I think we can handle blue.
I prefer green.
Can we do easy?
Beautiful out here, isn't it?
It's definitely very green.
Really?
That's just leftovers.
I stashed it everywhere.
Look,
I just need to know it's around, okay?
I need to know it's there.
Why?
So I don't panic.
Look dude, I just got out of rehab.
Cal, you missed my wedding because of this shit.
I know.
It's around.
Thanks.
Now, help me with my fucking bag.
Old man.
Psychedelic Furs.
'77 man.
No way.
Yeah, way off, can you believe that was in '77?
It's like you're getting worse,
just slowly getting worse with this.
You get to go to work.
Meanwhile, I've given up my whole life,
my fucking career, to have this goddamn kid.
Don't call her that, please.
I get to, you don't.
You don't have the right.
Where are you going?
Away.
Yeah, I can see that, where?
I have to do something, alone.
You know, you don't have to do everything alone, right?
Apparently I do.
Julia?
- Julia? - What?
What?
I can't do this anymore.
You know what?
Neither can I.
I can't be who you need me to be.
Not anymore.
If you would just stop shutting me out,
I could get to where you are.
You can't.
Are you kidding me?
Hey look, you want to head back, then move it.
Okay, well all I'm saying is the way,
it's probably the way that we came in.
It's an easy marked trail, you said it.
Yeah, well I'm not so much in the dark.
Hey.
Hello.
Hi.
Wait a minute.
Julia Jordan?
Yeah.
Caleb, Caleb Gray.
- Right. - You gotta be kidding.
Really, you guys, you know each other?
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Small world.
I heard you moved to the city right after graduation.
I did, you?
Probably on the next bus.
This is, do you come out here often?
In my mind all the time.
You?
Not often enough.
Never, he never, he never comes out of here.
So what's the problem guys?
We're lost.
We're lost. And look at her.
My God, you look like you know what you're doing.
If you could point us to the parking lot so we can leave.
What do you mean, the parking lot? Why?
- What do you mean? - Yeah.
No flashlight, borrowed tent.
Dude, there is no fucking way
that I am staying overnight tonight.
Sorry, you don't have a flashlight?
Well.
There's six minutes of light left.
No way you make it back in the dark.
Where's your tent?
Oh, everything's in there.
Yeah, well I wasn't planning.
Okay, follow me.
I don't want to fucking stay.
Do you have a can opener?
Swiss army knife?
Nothing, great.
What about you girl scout? What do you got?
'Cause I got these, guys, Spanish mussels, imported
from Northern Spain.
I have been dying to try these suckers.
Outside pocket.
Yes.
Oh, victory!
Anyway, what have you been up to all these years?
For the past 20 years?
Nothing much.
Really?
Thought you would have been married with three kids by now.
Nope.
So what are you doing
out here in the forest all by yourself?
You really want to know?
Sure, I do.
I'm going to find something called the wishing tree.
The wishing tree?
Where the fuck is a wishing tree?
It's a special place I used to go as a kid all the time.
Make a wish, always made me feel better.
Anyway.
You know, when I was,
when I was a kid,
I used to imagine what it'd be like to be 20, and 30.
I had so many dreams.
I think as kids, we know everything.
No no no.
If someone had told me back then,
life was never gonna happen the way I expected,
would I have done things differently?
Like maybe try to not get cancer.
Doesn't matter what you do or don't do.
Sometimes things just happen to you.
Oh, I got one.
U2.
You know, you would think, you would think that.
It's gotta be '76 man.
Now way.
You guys I'm gonna head out.
Directions, directions.
You guys can follow me to the next cutoff.
There's a green trail there.
It'll lead you home if that's what you're looking for.
- Okay. - Okay.
Thanks.
You gonna fuckin' help me, or just stand there.
Rude.
I'm hungry, man, hey.
Turn around. No, no way.
If we have to camp again, which I don't want to do,
then we're gonna need this for dinner.
Live off the land, nature boy.
Live off the land? What are you talking about?
Ah, ha ha.
Service berries, put that in your stomach.
- Really? - Do it.
You sure?
Dude, what do I do for a living?
Markup wine.
Ha, food.
I know food.
Wait wait wait, what are you doing?
Are you nuts?
What do you mean?
Those are Bain berries, and they're highly toxic.
I know food.
I run two successful restaurants in the city, all right.
I employ a full-time forager.
Right, well maybe your forager knows her stuff.
Wildgifts practically invented forest-to-table.
All right, that was my idea.
Wait a second.
Are you that Ryan?
I know you, I've eaten there.
Didn't you just marry some rich model.
Here we go.
Even out here people know who I am.
It's crazy.
Dude, she's from the city, relax.
Whatever. And yes, Celine.
She's gorgeous.
So what are you doing out here with him?
We had to postpone our honeymoon.
Why?
Well, you still don't know shit about foraging.
No, you don't.
I know food.
don't think that we're up
in this level of difficulty, Caleb.
I think that you've proven
that you're as inept as me buddy.
The Cure.
Yeah 1981, but they suck so hard,
that it doesn't even count.
Like they were awful.
The don't suck, what are you talking about?
They suck.
Worst band of the 80's.
Hey guys, what's with all the 80's bands?
Not 80's bands.
This dingus thinks there are good bands from the 80's,
which isn't true.
All good bands from the 80's actually,
they formed in the 70's, that's a fact.
It's a fact.
Chatty Kathy.
Okay guys, here we are.
Okay well, I guess this is it.
Are you sure you don't want us to go with you?
An extremely generous offer, but I'm good.
Do you even know when you're going?
She said she's good, let's go.
I don't know man, like alone in the woods?
She's fine.
Tough as nails, look at this one.
Look, I grew up on these trails okay, I'm good.
Echo and the Bunnymen.
'79.
God, I loved that band.
Don't eat the berries, you'll get diarrhea.
We're heading home.
See ya.
A bottle of wine, warm bed.
You want to split a pizza?
No, I don't want to split a pizza.
Listen to your mother, Julia.
As noble a task as it is,
nobility is not everyone's first priority.
What does that even mean, mom? Huh?
I'm not trying to be noble, I'm just trying to have a kid.
A family.
Well, yeah, that's what I thought I wanted, too.
Change your past by creating a new future,
and you see it doesn't always work out that way.
You have no idea what you're getting yourself into.
God, why would you say that to me?
Why would you infect me with this doubt?
No, I'm just saying
that based on all of your past miscarriages,
and all of those attempts,
maybe, just maybe it is not meant to be for you.
Look it may not be clear to you now,
but when you have this baby, no,
if you have this baby, it won't be.
Oh my God.
It's clear, mom.
Motherhood was never your forte, but
I am different.
No, you're not.
I like her.
No, I'm serious, man.
I don't have a lot of good memories from high school.
I remember this, this one time,
she came with me and a bunch of friends to see New Order.
Fuck man, we had a good time.
We danced and laughed.
We kissed.
I never forgot that kiss.
Of course. Well.
Well, first of all nobody
has good memories of high school sucked.
And I don't want to be rude here, but dude
you haven't had a real relationship since like '92.
Wow.
What?
You just, you don't get it.
Dude, you just can't live in the moment, can you?
Fuck, not everything has to be planned.
For the first time in my life I'm trying to listen,
to see and hear myself and it's pretty fucking hard,
because all I really want to do,
is get into that bag and down all my whiskey.
What do you want to do?
Follow her through the woods uninvited?
Yeah man, women love that.
You see what you're doing, right?
- You see it? - What?
You're trading one escape for another escape.
It's not gonna help you with whatever it is
that you're trying to find.
Fuck, is it,
is it about to storm?
Looks that way.
What the fuck do we do?
Fine, let's find her.
But I'm doing the talking this time, okay?
You listening to me?
I'm doing the talking.
Can you hear me?
Can we see a heart rate?
We're gonna do all we can.
Sir, we're gonna need you to stay out here.
Julia, I need.
I'm so sorry, we lost the baby.
Placenta previa is rare.
Because she went into labor at seven months' gestation.
she was just too small.
Sweetie, I wish I could stay, I really do.
But you know Dan booked these flights ages ago.
Which one's Dan again?
Don't be foolish, Julia.
Dan's been around for months.
Right.
Get it together, Julia.
You're fine, you're alive.
Is that what this looks like to you, mom?
Is it?
Did you even know what just happened?
Just keep moving sweetheart, just one day at a time.
Look by the time I get back, this'll all be behind you.
Oh my God mom, I am broken.
Do you understand that?
I'm empty.
But you know what, you just go do you.
Okay?
And your new boyfriend.
That is just cruel Julia,
and it is exactly why I can't be here.
♪ Baa baa black sheep ♪
♪ Have you any wool ♪
♪ Yes sir yes sir ♪
♪ Three bags full ♪
Maybe you should do the talking.
♪ One for my master ♪
♪ One for my dame ♪
♪ One for the little boy who lives down the lane ♪
I don't know what I'm doing.
What are you talking about?
The wishing tree.
Not here.
Right, your wishing tree.
It's real.
If it's real I'm gonna wish
for a fucking helicopter to get the hell out of these woods.
Yeah, because that's how it works.
Hey, don't tell me how to make a wish.
It has to mean something to you.
You pray to it.
You make a wish.
No, you write your wish down,
and then you burn it.
But you have to write it as if it's already come true.
Remember that urban legend about the witch?
You remember that?
Yeah.
It's true.
I used to come out here all the time as a kid.
My Nana's farm backed up onto these trails.
Shit happens, lightning strikes,
trees die, it's probably gone.
Do you have any idea what it feels like
to be totally lost?
Yeah,
yeah I do actually.
It kind of feels like,
like you're wandering around inside your head.
It's dark and you don't know where you're going.
It feels like that.
Maybe, maybe this is just the wrong spot.
I guess, but
What are you guys doing here?
Tell her.
The tree.
We're gonna find it.
It's good enough for me.
Let's look.
Ryan needs a ride out of these woods.
Come on.
Shit.
Can I take this off?
Okay, stay still for a second.
I'm gonna wrap it for you.
Oh God.
When'd you do this?
When I was in the field, I fell.
Don't lift anything with this hand, okay?
Thank you, it's fine.
You know, maybe all you need
is a fresh set of eyes.
I really wanted to do this on my own.
Okay, well we can leave if you like.
But he wants to be here, so here we are.
I'm not good with this stuff.
There's a connection that I feel.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe it's something else, I don't know.
Like hope.
A chance to do things differently.
We all have our regrets.
Well, at least you're not addicted to those.
What's that?
It's okay.
You can tell us whenever you're ready, if you want.
I'm gonna go take a piss.
So sick of this.
How much rejection can a guy take?
What are you sick of?
Not being able to get off?
Oh man, no.
It'd be easier if you just told me
you're not fucking attracted to me anymore,
rather than whatever the fuck this is.
What would be easier?
Our relationship, your comfort level.
Tell me what.
What, what about my comfort level, huh?
I am not a human anymore, I am just a vessel.
Listen to me, look at this.
Look at this.
Does that look sexy to you?
Does it?
Yeah. No.
You know what? It doesn't even fucking matter.
Right, just leave, the one thing you're good at.
Give me the bottle.
No.
It's my fucking life!
My life!
What the fuck was that?
I'll tell you what that was.
That was years of miscarriages and fucking doctors and.
Fuck!
That was a mistake.
A fucking mistake, that's what it was.
Fuck.
What the hell?
What are you gonna do?
Listen to me man.
I don't know what the hell that was last night.
I mean.
Dude, you're not confused all right, you can relax.
You're not having like
an identity crisis or anything, trust me.
It's not one of your things.
Okay, and I know that you were just going along with it.
I don't think that's what I was doing, though.
I crossed the line last night.
I'm sorry.
Won't happen again.
This is the trail I took yesterday.
And it led to the clearing?
Yeah.
What am I doing?
Wait a minute.
Check this out guys.
What is it?
It looks like it's been scratched off or something.
That's weird.
Yeah.
It's probably a dead end or a swamp or something.
Fresh marker is definitely the way to go.
No, no, no, no.
No, that'll just lead us to where we were yesterday.
Okay, but this one's clearly been erased,
probably for a reason.
Yeah, and that reason might be that someone
doesn't want us to go that way.
Exactly, because it's dangerous.
Or, maybe that's where the tree is.
Okay, so this tree is so fucking special
somebody's hiding it?
- Maybe. - Maybe.
Let's go.
- Sorry. - What the fuck?
Bullshit man.
Let the Eagle Scout show you what he can do.
You want to cross here?
Yeah.
The water, it's going way too fast.
It's fine, I did it when I was 10, okay.
We're gonna go slow.
You guys following me for a change?
Hey hold on, be careful.
Wait. Wait!
Put your foot down!
Find the bottom!
Find the bottom.
You lost your bag.
You good?
I'm gonna get the bags, get her hand.
It's good, you stay out of the water.
Shit, the food, all the food was in the bag.
Jesus.
That was a really good plan you had there.
Yeah.
You did not cross that river when you were 10.
Okay, back off.
You just charged right in, okay?
Okay, I'll go get the fucking bags, not a big deal.
No way, that bag is long gone.
Okay, well you know what,
the good thing is you still have some food left.
Yeah, we can ration it out between the three of us.
That's a good idea, actually.
No guys, I only packed enough for me.
What the hell is that was that supposed to mean? We don't have food.
I literally didn't anticipate
having to babysit or feed two grown men.
- Babysit? - Yeah.
You're not my fucking babysitter.
- You think you would have made it this far without me?
Without you, I'm home yesterday.
I did not ask you to come along.
I know, I know you didn't.
Apparently I'm his fucking babysitter.
And wherever he goes, I have to fucking follow.
Give me a break, you knew the deal.
The deal about you being the best man at my wedding,
that fucking deal?
Wasn't your wedding basically a joke anyway?
What the fuck did you just say?
Cut the besties bullshit, okay?
You're the one who's chasing.
Don't take out your dead baby rage on me,
'cause you're fucking barren.
What the fuck did you just say?
Whoa whoa whoa, what are you doing?
Do you hear me?
I will fucking kill you.
Get off me, you hear me?
Calm down, calm down.
Don't you tell me to calm down.
Don't you fucking tell me to calm down, okay?
Get your fucking hands off me, okay?
Okay, easy, just calm down.
Go yourself or each other.
I don't care.
But stay the fuck away from me.
Where are you going?
Fuck!
I don't even know what to say.
Julia?
I feel like she wishes I woud just dissapear
I'm sorry I couldn't love you
the way you needed to be loved.
You deserve more.
It's okay, mom.
No, no it's not.
Shh.
No Julia, you let me speak.
I want you to know
that I did the best I could,
but I know it wasn't enough.
Why are you telling me this now mom?
There's something about death
when it comes knocking on your door.
It gives you clarity.
I do love you.
I loved you the very best way I knew how.
I know.
I know mom.
I know.
I know mom.
No mom.
Mom don't go.
Don't go please.
Please don't go.
Julia?
Julia.
Ryan] Maybe, maybe she went in there.
You think?
Maybe she needs some time alone.
I'm going in.
Wait.
Hey?
You okay?
I guess.
My mom just died and
I've been carrying around her ashes,
trying to find this tree,
because I think somehow
there'll be the answer for me.
It's like no one can handle my pain,
so I have tried,
I have tried so hard to it lock it away.
I get it.
I do.
I never got things right with my mom.
And now that she's gone,
it's like all of my hopes
for everything have disappeared with her.
This pain inside of you, it's got to come out.
Trust me.
I've been trying to have a baby for years and,
I just lost another one.
And this time I was,
I was seven months along.
They saved me not her.
And my husband, fuck.
I mean, he may have left me,
and I can't blame him because I'm such a fucking asshole.
I can't help it,
I can't because I am so fucking angry.
I'm so broken.
You're not.
You're not broken.
I am.
I just,
I just, I want to feel something else, you know.
I do.
I want to feel something I can control.
And I don't know.
I think that's what,
I think that's what last night was about.
I'm so embarrassed.
Don't be embarrassed.
I am.
I just feel foolish, you know,
looking for this goddamn tree
like it's gonna heal some part of me.
Maybe it will.
Wanna go?
Yeah, I do.
I do.
All right, what's up?
Why do you always do that?
Do what?
Make yourself the fucking hero.
Excuse me?
Cal, she's going through a lot right now.
I'm sure she would tell you
if you just try to connect with her.
- Hey. - Hey.
I was gonna ask you,
who's this lucky guy?
He's not lucky.
Trust me.
I don't believe that for a second.
You know, we used to be so good together,
and then life just got complicated and dark and,
we said and did things that I don't know
if we can come back from them.
How big is he?
Hmm?
Can I take him?
I know you could.
Okay.
Hey, why did you never tell me how you felt in high school?
You were busy hanging out with guys in bands,
not guys into bands.
Well, you never took your headphones off.
Yeah, well
Didn't we go see the Smiths in the city?
It was New Order, yeah, we did.
New Order.
What was that song you played me to get me to go?
"Ceremony."
Right.
Did they play it?
Yeah, they did.
Was that when we kissed?
Yeah, that's when we kissed.
I still love that song by the way.
Yeah, me too.
- Wait a minute. - What?
The Smiths.
Of course, The Smiths.
Cool, we're gonna have to climb it.
Please be careful.
Here we go, I got you.
It's so beautiful up here.
I can't believe you guys grew up here.
You only came back once.
Once you run away, you don't tend to run back, huh?
What a mistake.
Hey Ryan?
Yeah.
The Smiths.
Shit.
Yep.
That was a good band.
'82.
It was a really good band.
Let me go first.
Watch it.
Thank you.
- Good? - Yeah.
You okay?
Guys, check this out.
What?
Come look.
- Wow. - Wow.
It's just, it's like this, it's like the shack.
Do you have a flashlight in here?
Yeah, in my pocket.
Wow, it's like someone's living in there.
It's way too small, though.
There's got to be another way in.
Let's check it out.
Right, let's find it.
Wait.
Come out here.
I know what you're looking for.
I know why.
I'll take you there.
Why couldn't I find this on my own?
You lost your ability to feel wonder.
You've lost yourself.
Sometimes hope is found in the most unlikely of places.
No wait.
Let's give them some space.
It's not hot, but it'll do.
I don't know.
It's time to let go.
I know your pain,
the kind you think you'll never recover from.
Grief takes time to resolve, to integrate.
It will always be a part of you,
but it may not define who you are.
Only when you surrender to the pain,
can you heal the little girl.
Okay.
You're gonna need more than that.
Go on.
There you go.
Lie down.
Right here.
In time, patience.
I hope this helps her, I really do.
Yeah, me too.
Can I try some of that?
So what are you gonna do?
I don't know.
Not that, though.
How about you, what are you gonna do?
When I get back to the city
I have to tell my wife that I can't,
that I can't be with her,
and that I made a big fucking mistake.
And I don't know how I'm gonna do that.
I can't keep pretending to be somebody I'm not.
But we can't go back.
I don't want to.
Now, now you're ready.
Numb the dark,
and you numb the light.
Do you want to know what it says?
I'm enough.
I'm good.
I am enough.
I am enough!
I am good.
I am enough.